Anonymous wrote:We live in a state that does not mandate a separation period. DH and I have been having a very difficult time and he has had mental health struggles. He moved to a rental home we keep a few weeks ago to give us space.

He just emailed me that I will be receiving a divorce filing from his lawyer on Monday. On Friday at 4 pm. I do not have a lawyer and my child is home all week with me before school starts after Labor Day. He knows this.

We previously discussed mediation to determine how to set up a temporary separation or figuring out a longer term plan for fall. But I guess that is all off the table now and everything on my end going to have to be done via temporary orders?

And of course we relocated last year for his job even though I didn’t want to and I haven’t found a job yet and we just bought a house last November.

I’m going to faint.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go for a trip with my child and the dog (or wont give a s…t about soon to be ex not having a dog sitter in this sitting).

While on the trip you can’t be served. My exH was avoiding being served for several months until he found a good lawyer.

You should do the same. It is indeed a very aggressive tactic to file straight for divorce without any prior negotiations of settlement.

Your STBX is a nutcase and I think it will be a bitter divorce because that’s how he’s starting it

DH told me that I will be served via email if I can’t be served in person. It may be allowed in my state.

I do like the word nutcase to describe him. Thank you. It’s the first time I’ve smiled this morning.

There is no state I can find that allows service by email with out the receiving party’s consent to that manner of service.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go for a trip with my child and the dog (or wont give a s…t about soon to be ex not having a dog sitter in this sitting).

While on the trip you can’t be served. My exH was avoiding being served for several months until he found a good lawyer.

You should do the same. It is indeed a very aggressive tactic to file straight for divorce without any prior negotiations of settlement.

Your STBX is a nutcase and I think it will be a bitter divorce because that’s how he’s starting it

DH told me that I will be served via email if I can’t be served in person. It may be allowed in my state.

I do like the word nutcase to describe him. Thank you. It’s the first time I’ve smiled this morning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

She’s not wasting marital funds. She’s showing him he doesn’t get what he wants in this process just because. I am very pro mediation and settlement but based on how she describes her DH she needs to make a very strong showing of power to him so he knows she will not be steamrolled.

You think hiding in one’s home to avoid an inescapable reality is a show of power?

I heartily disagree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

She’s not wasting marital funds. She’s showing him he doesn’t get what he wants in this process just because. I am very pro mediation and settlement but based on how she describes her DH she needs to make a very strong showing of power to him so he knows she will not be steamrolled.

You think hiding in one’s home to avoid an inescapable reality is a show of power?

I heartily disagree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has mental health issues and is cheating. What a POS.

Take some time once you get the papers. You know its coming, no surprise. Plan your route.

Where did OP say he cheated?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

She’s not wasting marital funds. She’s showing him he doesn’t get what he wants in this process just because. I am very pro mediation and settlement but based on how she describes her DH she needs to make a very strong showing of power to him so he knows she will not be steamrolled.

Anonymous wrote:He has mental health issues and is cheating. What a POS.

Take some time once you get the papers. You know its coming, no surprise. Plan your route.

Anonymous wrote:This is for the best, OP. He has mental health issues and doesn't want to stay married. Why would you want to drag this out? You will get alimony since you moved for his job and haven't found a job. You need to get yourself a lawyer fast. Separate all joint accounts ASAP and borrow money from family if need be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you’re exhausting OP. He wants a divorce. He’s not a monster and you’re not a victim. You’re just two people getting a divorce. Drop the helplessness, find a dog sitter, get your hair done and put on your big girl pants. He doesn’t choose you anymore.‘I’m sorry because I know how much it hurts- but accept it and march on because this vilification of him and the whole “pearl clutching who DOES that routine won’t help you too divide your estate and move on.

OP. I know he’s allowed to want to be done.

But someone who serves papers and doesn’t sit down like an adult with the parent of his child and say “let’s talk together and determine a plan that will best work for our child who just changed cities, moved twice in one year, settled into their house 6 months ago, made new friends, made the team, and starts a brand new school next week” and instead serves papers the week before the first week of school and leaves town deserves something more than “divide your estate and move on”.

No, let’s spend the first 3 months of the school year in litigation, especially when one parent is the primary parent doing everything at home and the other will be on 80% travel and can take quiet calls with their attorney from a desk.

OP … you need to drop the fixation on him serving you. Just because he filed papers does not mean you cannot sit down and mediate (formally with a mediator or just between the two of you). All it means is that he is sure about divorce and wants to move forward. You already know he doesn’t care about you, so it’s unclear why you think he should show you deference during the divorce process.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.