Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

The ones who regularly get laid are.

Meh.

I do not know any woman who needs this much attention from their husband.

I am mostly close to first and second generation American women though so maybe there is something in the water here.

Recent immigrants have accepted that men and women are not the same. They rely on their social network for a lot of support. They rely on men for some but not anything near as much as this thread is indicating.

I certainly do. And unless these women are sleeping with their girlfriends, its doubtful theyre getting their fill of sexual desire from them.

Different strokes I guess.

You can get self esteem boost from people other than your spouse. You don't need your spouse telling you are beautiful all the time if other people do. You need it sometimes, sure. But not every day.

The day a woman starts getting sexual fulfillment and her sexual desire needs filled by someone else, is the beginning of the end of the marriage. And certainly not a day when you will be able to expect enthusiastic sex from her (unless she's fantasizing about the other person the whole time)

You assume that the person giving you sexual fulfillment has to be responsible for your self esteem. I don't. And most of the women I know don't.

Yes, the person who gives your sexual "juice" (feelings of desire and being desired) is the person you want to have sex. That's why women often have affairs that start with emotional connection, and then it rolls into sex as well.

I get what you are saying but I dont completely agree. Emotional affairs start well before "sexual juice" happens. Usually people who carry emotional affairs are not necessarily looking for sex or the feelings of being desired. They want to feel heard. These two needs are separate.

When people have crushes at work, its not because their co workers sexually desires them. It's because these people engage with them.

So if your argument is that men have to engage in frequeng discussions with their spouses, I agree. But they don't necessarily have to give them daily compliments on their beauty and sexual desireabilty. Nothing wrong with that, but it' not necessary in most other cultures.

LOL. Emotional affairs and sexual "juice" happens at the exact same time. Women can read men's faces, and desire is often one of the most visible male emotions. When that male coworker or friend is staring at her body, or looking at her across the room with lust... that's the juice flowing. When he says how beautiful she is, how gorgeous she is in that dress, how lucky her husband is, etc... that's the juice. It's a flow and a buildup and a process, and the emotional connection and the male desire flowing into her and unleashing her own desire is a huge part. But many men will never get this which is why a handful of charismatic, sexually confident men corner the market and the rest of y'all just whine and complain and jerk off alone.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

The ones who regularly get laid are.

Meh.

I do not know any woman who needs this much attention from their husband.

I am mostly close to first and second generation American women though so maybe there is something in the water here.

Recent immigrants have accepted that men and women are not the same. They rely on their social network for a lot of support. They rely on men for some but not anything near as much as this thread is indicating.

I certainly do. And unless these women are sleeping with their girlfriends, its doubtful theyre getting their fill of sexual desire from them.

Different strokes I guess.

You can get self esteem boost from people other than your spouse. You don't need your spouse telling you are beautiful all the time if other people do. You need it sometimes, sure. But not every day.

The day a woman starts getting sexual fulfillment and her sexual desire needs filled by someone else, is the beginning of the end of the marriage. And certainly not a day when you will be able to expect enthusiastic sex from her (unless she's fantasizing about the other person the whole time)

You assume that the person giving you sexual fulfillment has to be responsible for your self esteem. I don't. And most of the women I know don't.

Yes, the person who gives your sexual "juice" (feelings of desire and being desired) is the person you want to have sex. That's why women often have affairs that start with emotional connection, and then it rolls into sex as well.

I get what you are saying but I dont completely agree. Emotional affairs start well before "sexual juice" happens. Usually people who carry emotional affairs are not necessarily looking for sex or the feelings of being desired. They want to feel heard. These two needs are separate.

When people have crushes at work, its not because their co workers sexually desires them. It's because these people engage with them.

So if your argument is that men have to engage in frequeng discussions with their spouses, I agree. But they don't necessarily have to give them daily compliments on their beauty and sexual desireabilty. Nothing wrong with that, but it' not necessary in most other cultures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Any time I'd compliment my wife like that, I'd get some variation of "it doesn't count because you have to say it.""

There's a scene in the movie Love Actually that has always stuck with me. The cheating husband of Emma Thompson buys his mistress an expensive bauble for a Xmas gift and Emma her something like mittens. Buy your wife the gift you'd give your mistress. Treat her and speak to her like she's the woman you're wooing and who is giving you hot sex. That's the secret.

Not really. Wooing a wife with body-image issues is like playing racquetball against drapes. Flirting and seduction is a little like improv in that your partner has to give you some kind of "yes, and ..." and play back. When everything is going only one way, it's not going to work. That's why she gets the mittens.

What youre too lazy to realize is its actually a huge advantage. when a woman has had body image issues her whole life and suddenly a man makes her feel like the sexiest thing on two legs, her libido is unleashed like a volcano exploding. but you seem too selfish, entitled, and frankly, insecure and unsexual yourself to ever be able to experience that

That's ... not how this works. A more familiar dynamic is:
1. Guy finds girl attractive. Says so. She appreciates it. Youth, new relationship energy, and attention she values overcome her body image issues and make sex life decent.
2. Fast forward many years. Husband still finds wife attractive. Says so. Aging, familiarity, and attention she no longer values can no longer overcome her body image issues and sex life is no longer decent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Any time I'd compliment my wife like that, I'd get some variation of "it doesn't count because you have to say it.""

There's a scene in the movie Love Actually that has always stuck with me. The cheating husband of Emma Thompson buys his mistress an expensive bauble for a Xmas gift and Emma her something like mittens. Buy your wife the gift you'd give your mistress. Treat her and speak to her like she's the woman you're wooing and who is giving you hot sex. That's the secret.

Not really. Wooing a wife with body-image issues is like playing racquetball against drapes. Flirting and seduction is a little like improv in that your partner has to give you some kind of "yes, and ..." and play back. When everything is going only one way, it's not going to work. That's why she gets the mittens.

What youre too lazy to realize is its actually a huge advantage. when a woman has had body image issues her whole life and suddenly a man makes her feel like the sexiest thing on two legs, her libido is unleashed like a volcano exploding. but you seem too selfish, entitled, and frankly, insecure and unsexual yourself to ever be able to experience that

That's ... not how this works. A more familiar dynamic is:
1. Guy finds girl attractive. Says so. She appreciates it. Youth, new relationship energy, and attention she values overcome her body image issues and make sex life decent.
2. Fast forward many years. Husband still finds wife attractive. Says so. Aging, familiarity, and attention she no longer values can no longer overcome her body image issues and sex life is no longer decent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Any time I'd compliment my wife like that, I'd get some variation of "it doesn't count because you have to say it.""

There's a scene in the movie Love Actually that has always stuck with me. The cheating husband of Emma Thompson buys his mistress an expensive bauble for a Xmas gift and Emma her something like mittens. Buy your wife the gift you'd give your mistress. Treat her and speak to her like she's the woman you're wooing and who is giving you hot sex. That's the secret.

Not really. Wooing a wife with body-image issues is like playing racquetball against drapes. Flirting and seduction is a little like improv in that your partner has to give you some kind of "yes, and ..." and play back. When everything is going only one way, it's not going to work. That's why she gets the mittens.

What youre too lazy to realize is its actually a huge advantage. when a woman has had body image issues her whole life and suddenly a man makes her feel like the sexiest thing on two legs, her libido is unleashed like a volcano exploding. but you seem too selfish, entitled, and frankly, insecure and unsexual yourself to ever be able to experience that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

The ones who regularly get laid are.

Meh.

I do not know any woman who needs this much attention from their husband.

I am mostly close to first and second generation American women though so maybe there is something in the water here.

Recent immigrants have accepted that men and women are not the same. They rely on their social network for a lot of support. They rely on men for some but not anything near as much as this thread is indicating.

I certainly do. And unless these women are sleeping with their girlfriends, its doubtful theyre getting their fill of sexual desire from them.

Different strokes I guess.

You can get self esteem boost from people other than your spouse. You don't need your spouse telling you are beautiful all the time if other people do. You need it sometimes, sure. But not every day.

The day a woman starts getting sexual fulfillment and her sexual desire needs filled by someone else, is the beginning of the end of the marriage. And certainly not a day when you will be able to expect enthusiastic sex from her (unless she's fantasizing about the other person the whole time)

You assume that the person giving you sexual fulfillment has to be responsible for your self esteem. I don't. And most of the women I know don't.

Yes, the person who gives your sexual "juice" (feelings of desire and being desired) is the person you want to have sex. That's why women often have affairs that start with emotional connection, and then it rolls into sex as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

How hard is this? It’s a total of about 20 seconds a day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

I don't need you to TELL me. I need you to believe it, live it, show it. If you don't believe it, can't live it, can't even pretend it for show... yes, good idea on staying single.

And I can't say about all married men. I CAN say that once I found one, I stopped looking.

Np. Very hard for me to “believe” or “pretend” you are “beautiful” when you are fat.

DP.

So you don't believe she is beautiful, and she does not want to have sex with you, I'd say it is fair. No complaining about her sex drive then, no?

No it’s not fair when kids are involved. Its not fair to upend the lives of innocent kids when you cannot figure out how to fix your mental issues and somehow believe a husband is supposed to find his fat wife as attractive. If i was fat I wouldn’t expect my wife to find me attractive nor tell me how handsome I look

Interesting.

So it's not fair to the kids that a woman does not want to lose weight.

But it's fair to them that you are not willing to pretend that she is attractive but at the same time you want to walk away from the marriage if she does not want to have sex with you?

Yes because sex is an essential part of marriage along with other things. It is not possible for a healthy normal libido man to be celibate long term

So sex is essential, but you are not willing to do what needs to be done to make it happen. But it's the woman's fault and not yours?

No i m not willing to tell a fat wife i find her attractive. Onus is on her to lose weight if she is fat. Just like I wouldn’t expect my wife to find me attractive if I was fat or a lazy couch potato. It would be my responsibility to fix myself.

What’s worse is that fat women actually believe it when their husbands tell them they are attractive.

Anyway I need to get back to work. Might be back if I have time

Then you dont want to do what it takes to have sex, so youre not having sex. What's not clicking?

Yep.

This guy should have had a "do not get fat or I will stop being nice to you" clause in his marriage contract. But he was too stupid then to anticipate his desires and somehow its the woman's fault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

I don't need you to TELL me. I need you to believe it, live it, show it. If you don't believe it, can't live it, can't even pretend it for show... yes, good idea on staying single.

And I can't say about all married men. I CAN say that once I found one, I stopped looking.

Np. Very hard for me to “believe” or “pretend” you are “beautiful” when you are fat.

DP.

So you don't believe she is beautiful, and she does not want to have sex with you, I'd say it is fair. No complaining about her sex drive then, no?

No it’s not fair when kids are involved. Its not fair to upend the lives of innocent kids when you cannot figure out how to fix your mental issues and somehow believe a husband is supposed to find his fat wife as attractive. If i was fat I wouldn’t expect my wife to find me attractive nor tell me how handsome I look

Interesting.

So it's not fair to the kids that a woman does not want to lose weight.

But it's fair to them that you are not willing to pretend that she is attractive but at the same time you want to walk away from the marriage if she does not want to have sex with you?

Yes because sex is an essential part of marriage along with other things. It is not possible for a healthy normal libido man to be celibate long term

So sex is essential, but you are not willing to do what needs to be done to make it happen. But it's the woman's fault and not yours?

No i m not willing to tell a fat wife i find her attractive. Onus is on her to lose weight if she is fat. Just like I wouldn’t expect my wife to find me attractive if I was fat or a lazy couch potato. It would be my responsibility to fix myself.

What’s worse is that fat women actually believe it when their husbands tell them they are attractive.

Anyway I need to get back to work. Might be back if I have time

Then you dont want to do what it takes to have sex, so youre not having sex. What's not clicking?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

The ones who regularly get laid are.

Meh.

I do not know any woman who needs this much attention from their husband.

I am mostly close to first and second generation American women though so maybe there is something in the water here.

Recent immigrants have accepted that men and women are not the same. They rely on their social network for a lot of support. They rely on men for some but not anything near as much as this thread is indicating.

I certainly do. And unless these women are sleeping with their girlfriends, its doubtful theyre getting their fill of sexual desire from them.

Different strokes I guess.

You can get self esteem boost from people other than your spouse. You don't need your spouse telling you are beautiful all the time if other people do. You need it sometimes, sure. But not every day.

The day a woman starts getting sexual fulfillment and her sexual desire needs filled by someone else, is the beginning of the end of the marriage. And certainly not a day when you will be able to expect enthusiastic sex from her (unless she's fantasizing about the other person the whole time)

You assume that the person giving you sexual fulfillment has to be responsible for your self esteem. I don't. And most of the women I know don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

The ones who regularly get laid are.

Meh.

I do not know any woman who needs this much attention from their husband.

I am mostly close to first and second generation American women though so maybe there is something in the water here.

Recent immigrants have accepted that men and women are not the same. They rely on their social network for a lot of support. They rely on men for some but not anything near as much as this thread is indicating.

I certainly do. And unless these women are sleeping with their girlfriends, its doubtful theyre getting their fill of sexual desire from them.

Different strokes I guess.

You can get self esteem boost from people other than your spouse. You don't need your spouse telling you are beautiful all the time if other people do. You need it sometimes, sure. But not every day.

The day a woman starts getting sexual fulfillment and her sexual desire needs filled by someone else, is the beginning of the end of the marriage. And certainly not a day when you will be able to expect enthusiastic sex from her (unless she's fantasizing about the other person the whole time)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

The ones who regularly get laid are.

Meh.

I do not know any woman who needs this much attention from their husband.

I am mostly close to first and second generation American women though so maybe there is something in the water here.

Recent immigrants have accepted that men and women are not the same. They rely on their social network for a lot of support. They rely on men for some but not anything near as much as this thread is indicating.

I certainly do. And unless these women are sleeping with their girlfriends, its doubtful theyre getting their fill of sexual desire from them.

Different strokes I guess.

You can get self esteem boost from people other than your spouse. You don't need your spouse telling you are beautiful all the time if other people do. You need it sometimes, sure. But not every day.

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Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

I don't need you to TELL me. I need you to believe it, live it, show it. If you don't believe it, can't live it, can't even pretend it for show... yes, good idea on staying single.

And I can't say about all married men. I CAN say that once I found one, I stopped looking.

Np. Very hard for me to “believe” or “pretend” you are “beautiful” when you are fat.

DP.

So you don't believe she is beautiful, and she does not want to have sex with you, I'd say it is fair. No complaining about her sex drive then, no?

No it’s not fair when kids are involved. Its not fair to upend the lives of innocent kids when you cannot figure out how to fix your mental issues and somehow believe a husband is supposed to find his fat wife as attractive. If i was fat I wouldn’t expect my wife to find me attractive nor tell me how handsome I look

Interesting.

So it's not fair to the kids that a woman does not want to lose weight.

But it's fair to them that you are not willing to pretend that she is attractive but at the same time you want to walk away from the marriage if she does not want to have sex with you?

Yes because sex is an essential part of marriage along with other things. It is not possible for a healthy normal libido man to be celibate long term

So sex is essential, but you are not willing to do what needs to be done to make it happen. But it's the woman's fault and not yours?

No i m not willing to tell a fat wife i find her attractive. Onus is on her to lose weight if she is fat. Just like I wouldn’t expect my wife to find me attractive if I was fat or a lazy couch potato. It would be my responsibility to fix myself.

What’s worse is that fat women actually believe it when their husbands tell them they are attractive.

Anyway I need to get back to work. Might be back if I have time

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Anonymous wrote:"Any time I'd compliment my wife like that, I'd get some variation of "it doesn't count because you have to say it.""

There's a scene in the movie Love Actually that has always stuck with me. The cheating husband of Emma Thompson buys his mistress an expensive bauble for a Xmas gift and Emma her something like mittens. Buy your wife the gift you'd give your mistress. Treat her and speak to her like she's the woman you're wooing and who is giving you hot sex. That's the secret.

Not really. Wooing a wife with body-image issues is like playing racquetball against drapes. Flirting and seduction is a little like improv in that your partner has to give you some kind of "yes, and ..." and play back. When everything is going only one way, it's not going to work. That's why she gets the mittens.