Anonymous
06/14/2025 11:26
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
+1
These grandparents are making this about them. They want their insta moment.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 11:25
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Why can’t you just invite them out to dinner either on the kids birthday or sometime close to it? If that doesn’t work then tell them they can come take the kid out for her birthday but you can’t host because your parents are in town. I don’t understand the sentiment of they’re getting older so family suddenly falls to the wayside, that’s not a value I wish to instill in my children so we don’t even entertain not seeing grandparents or other close family as an option.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 11:18
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.
Yeah, because for once, her parents are able to be there. Her parents who live overseas. It’s OK for “a few hours away” ILs to not be at every little thing, every little time.
This is the answer. It is okay that his parents miss something and her parents get to be there. His parents sound insufferable and the husband should be dealing with them.
+1
Bdays are not little. Also still unclear why both sets of gparents can't be in the same place at the same time for a few hours.
It's clear the IL parents are high-maintenance. It's clear the local IL parents expect to be treated as overseas parents. It's clear the IL parents are overbearing. It's clear the teen does not want them around, but is willing to tolerate them. It's clear OP has said they need to be catered to.
It's all very clear.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 11:17
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
A bday is not little to the kids. Also protecting the time with her parents is making it about them/her.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 11:09
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.
Yeah, because for once, her parents are able to be there. Her parents who live overseas. It’s OK for “a few hours away” ILs to not be at every little thing, every little time.
This is the answer. It is okay that his parents miss something and her parents get to be there. His parents sound insufferable and the husband should be dealing with them.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 10:43
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.
Yeah, because for once, her parents are able to be there. Her parents who live overseas. It’s OK for “a few hours away” ILs to not be at every little thing, every little time.
Bdays are not little. Also still unclear why both sets of gparents can't be in the same place at the same time for a few hours.
Welp, I’m the one who first suggested that OP invite ILs for a dinner out, stay in a hotel and also have breakfast the next morning at the family’s home, but she asked if I was a “troll,” so whine to her, not me. But yes, birthdays are little. They’re not a big deal. Some people go overblown about birthdays but that doesn’t make them a big deal. It just makes ZOMG BIRTHDAY people annoying.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 10:41
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.
Yeah, because for once, her parents are able to be there. Her parents who live overseas. It’s OK for “a few hours away” ILs to not be at every little thing, every little time.
Bdays are not little. Also still unclear why both sets of gparents can't be in the same place at the same time for a few hours.
Actually, yes. Birthdays are little. Literally everyone has one, every year. Get over it. All the kids want from grandparents is a present, not their presence On The Day Of OMG. Get over it.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 10:12
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.
Yeah, because for once, her parents are able to be there. Her parents who live overseas. It’s OK for “a few hours away” ILs to not be at every little thing, every little time.
Bdays are not little. Also still unclear why both sets of gparents can't be in the same place at the same time for a few hours.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 09:56
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.
So they can plan something a week or two later. Again, I don't get it, my kids would be like "yay another birthday!"
Anonymous
06/14/2025 09:47
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.
Yeah, because for once, her parents are able to be there. Her parents who live overseas. It’s OK for “a few hours away” ILs to not be at every little thing, every little time.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 08:00
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 07:59
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come define "catering to".
I agree. Maybe the ILs don’t really require that much, but as the host OP feels to do a lot of things that they don’t expect or demand anyway. This is common in our household, for example. One of us feels that as the host you always have to do x, y or z and the other doesn’t — especially with family. OP wouldn’t be the first person to take things on on her own accord and then complain.
I think it’s pretty clearnwhat’s going on: OP just doesn’t want them around when her parents are visiting. That’s it.
OP is simply asking for the period "on or within a few days of her b-day" with her overseas parents. The rest is open for visit.
So what you said is not exactly "pretty clear". It's clear if you disregard the narrative and substitute it with a DIL-hating alternative, which is pretty clear what’s going on.
Right. In other words, OP does want to do something for the kid's birthday -- and wants to exclude the ILs from it. How nice of her.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 07:57
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:There is nothing you can do. Accept they will be upset, and invite them with good spirits when it's convenient. Their hurt feelings are on them. It's your kids' birthday, not theirs
This. Their hurt feelings are their own to deal with. Just talk matter of factly about when you are able to host them. But don’t be upset about them being upset. Just move on.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 07:41
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.
Anonymous
06/13/2025 22:51
Subject: In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.
There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.
I would not do this. This is unnecessarily passive aggressive
DP and what?! No it's not. It's an invitation to two events for the grandkid's birthday and being clear about your boundaries.