Anonymous wrote:I am always happy to have kids over in the backyard, but feel so awkward that I can't afford to feed them. I'm a single mom making $70k and budget every dollar. My 6yo went inside last week while I was on a work call and gave the neighborhood kids all the fruit I had just bought that morning for the week and that killed me (which made me feel extra bad). Just sharing because it is a struggle for some of us, but I will absolutely share my time and attention with any kid who wants or needs it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a similar neighborhood. My youngest was 8 when we moved here, so I don’t have experience with smaller children.

Our previous neighborhood was more typically UMC suburban with kids mostly in scheduled activities and not really playing in the neighborhood.

I’m really grateful for this community we live in now. My kids were out until 10pm last night playing “Ghost in the Graveyard,” and I thought it was great.

As for feeding kids, we don’t really do that in my neighborhood unless it’s a play date in someone’s home. The kids are generally outside.

Where?

Anonymous wrote:1. I would get a lock to my backyard access gate so kids could not enter my backyard. That is an invitation only space. No exceptions. Add a no trespassing sign. Be smart. Your child needs to learn to say that he can play in the neighborhood but not in the backyard.

2. We played in the neighborhood like this when I was a kid. No one was allowed in anyone else’s house. It was perfectly acceptable to dart into your own house to use the bathroom or grab a snack. Friends waited outside. This was a social norm enforced by the parents. No one questioned it. Obviously it wouldn’t apply to scheduled dates or if we ran in to ask permission impromptu. The friends waited outside if we asked. And moms often just said no. Teach your child to let the other kids know they will be right back and to come in alone.

3. The kid who gets locked out of his own house is what age? I might flag the appropriate social services anonymously. Hopefully a knock on the door jolts the parents out of complacency.

4. The boy who exposes himself and hits should not be unaccompanied out of the house until he has stronger social skills training. His parent or sitter could sit out front the house and intervene/support/take him home when he acts out. He should be able to play, but also supervised. That is a huge parenting fail. As he grows bigger, so will the problems if he does not get help. The parents haven’t left you with a lot of options except to protect your own child. Sad, but you’ve done the right thing.

TLDR: The idea of an old fashioned neighborhood pickup play vibe is terrific. But it is hard to implement in an era when shared social norms no longer exist. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I tell kids they may not ring my door bell. I am not a free babysitter. If you want to play parents can text or call us and arrange it at a mutually convenient time. No hanging out on weekdays. Homework, activities, supplementing.

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad that you decided to tell your son not to exclude this child from group play anymore, OP. That was nice of you.
I honestly didn’t know that any of these kids were coming into your house. That isn’t how it works in our neighborhood.
Frankly, you sound like a bit of a pushover. You let people run over your boundaries until you more or less explode on them. It’s okay to tell people that they can’t just tell their child not to come home for 8 hours a day every weekend. Worst possible outcome is that they don’t like you and their child doesn’t come to your house anymore. That is really odd behavior. What do they do if it’s raining or freezing cold?

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I don't know why I am expected to allow my child to play with another boy who is hitting him and exposing himself to him and other children in the neighborhood. Does inclusivity trump safety?

I have mentioned it to my neighbor multiple times, but the behavior has not changed. So no, he's not allowed to play at our house because he wants to play in the bathroom with the door closed, and I say no. He cannot follow house rules and has very loud meltdowns. I have said to my son he cannot exclude him from group play, but he doesn't have to play with him if he doesn't want to and he's not allowed at our house because of his behavior.

Diagnosis or not, his behavior is bothering to my son. My other neighbor has two little girls, and they were both over for dinner last night. When I explained the house rules (wash your hands, we don't hit or show body parts in our house) - she LOUDLY said, "Yeah, I'm not allowed to play with Larlo anymore because he kept showing me his private parts." So I'm not alone in thinking this behavior is unacceptable.

I've hosted barbecues, playdates, and offered lunch to create community, and have rarely had the offer reciprocated from my neighbors. There is one mom whose little boy is not allowed to go home during certain hours because they're "working"; so he's left with the other neighbors for 8+ hours a day on the weekends without being asked first. We've asked him to go home multiple times when he's rung the doorbell repeatedly and will stay in our driveway, playing by himself with the basketball hoop. His parents are clueless, and I'm not about to be a free daycare for them.

I have read all the responses and decided to keep some inexpensive and easy snacks and meals on hand for the kids who play well in our household and can follow the rules. I know some of you will say I'm too rigid and should just feed the entire neighborhood and have an open-door policy, but I don't want to because I feel like I'm being taken advantage of by some parents. The kids in the neighborhood want to play in our backyard because we have a trampoline, pool and a bounce house that we blow up once in a while. But the other parents *rarely*, if ever, host.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These neighborhoods sound like a zoo.

A glorious zoo, where kids are learning social skills, not on a device all the time and parenting is much, much easier rather than having to be a cruise ship director at all times.