Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:27     Subject: Please give it to me straight
Anonymous wrote:NP. OP, I understand all of your concerns. The kids are still young, they need you 100%. You are exhausted. Your immediate solution is to hire a part-time babysitter. Go on care.com and check who is available in your area. Find the money to pay for it. You won't be able to change him.

I agree with your H, it wouldn't make sense for you to work now.

I was in your shoes when my kid was a toddler.
Things get a lot easier with kids when they are older. Then you can start working and plan a separate life from your H.
Good luck!


OP here.

Thanks for your reply. Wishing you well!
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:26     Subject: Please give it to me straight
Anonymous wrote:shouldn't you be home schooling your kids rigth now, OP? You are such a fraud.


OP here.

Thanks for your assessment. We are actually done for the year, as is our county (not that we follow it) and the surrounding counties are done within the next few days.

We'll be doing more learning over the summer, but thanks for your concern.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:25     Subject: Re:Please give it to me straight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, you married the wrong dude. Then you went and had a bunch of kids with him even though you knew better. Despite your moment of weakness, he doesn't sound like he brings anything to the table besides money. This stick together for the kids BS gets old. Your kids will all suffer the consequences and resent you down the road if you continue this path of toxicity. Get it together and get into counseling or leave.


OP here.

Part of what I worry about is splitting the kids physically between the two of us if we were to separate. I mentioned before that basic kid things like feeding and diapering don't happen enough when I need to leave the house.

He also has very low patience and gets angry very easily.

At least when they're with me they are taken care of and not hungry, dirty, or upset.


If he never engages with the kids and actively avoids them and does nothing for them, it doesn’t sound like he would want any time with them


OP here.

It would almost certainly be one of those situations where once something is taken away, then it's all of sudden important and very critical to have time spent together 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm once again going to push the counseling angle.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:23     Subject: Please give it to me straight
shouldn't you be home schooling your kids rigth now, OP? You are such a fraud.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:22     Subject: Please give it to me straight
Anonymous wrote:Your husband probably feels there are no good women or mothers out there so you are well matched. Maybe he has a sense you have been cheating on him for a long time.

Just leave. Since he does absolutely nothing, contributes nothing, doesn’t have any redeeming qualities and you do everything - just leave. You clearly don’t need him for anything and he doesn’t engage with you or the kids so just leave with the kids and it seems like nothing will change for you at all.


OP here.

He does have redeeming qualities, they just aren't ones that are suited to raising a family or being a caring spouse. He obviously contributes financially which allows us to live.

I just wish he would give the same amount of effort to online chatting as he does to his family right in front of him.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:22     Subject: Re:Please give it to me straight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, you married the wrong dude. Then you went and had a bunch of kids with him even though you knew better. Despite your moment of weakness, he doesn't sound like he brings anything to the table besides money. This stick together for the kids BS gets old. Your kids will all suffer the consequences and resent you down the road if you continue this path of toxicity. Get it together and get into counseling or leave.


OP here.

Part of what I worry about is splitting the kids physically between the two of us if we were to separate. I mentioned before that basic kid things like feeding and diapering don't happen enough when I need to leave the house.

He also has very low patience and gets angry very easily.

At least when they're with me they are taken care of and not hungry, dirty, or upset.


If he never engages with the kids and actively avoids them and does nothing for them, it doesn’t sound like he would want any time with them
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:19     Subject: Please give it to me straight
OP is just desperate for attention. It's always a red flag on these stupid threads when the OP is super anxious to respond to just about every post. "Feed me more attention, faceless, nameless people!"
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:17     Subject: Please give it to me straight
1. Put the kids in real school
2. Get a job
3. Leave

But first you have to stop making excuses. You don’t need permission from a man to get a job. Luckily, even though you think it’s the ‘50s, you still have agency! So go do it. It doesn’t sound like he will want 50/50 anyways.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:13     Subject: Please give it to me straight
NP. OP, I understand all of your concerns. The kids are still young, they need you 100%. You are exhausted. Your immediate solution is to hire a part-time babysitter. Go on care.com and check who is available in your area. Find the money to pay for it. You won't be able to change him.

I agree with your H, it wouldn't make sense for you to work now.

I was in your shoes when my kid was a toddler.
Things get a lot easier with kids when they are older. Then you can start working and plan a separate life from your H.
Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:09     Subject: Please give it to me straight
Your husband probably feels there are no good women or mothers out there so you are well matched. Maybe he has a sense you have been cheating on him for a long time.

Just leave. Since he does absolutely nothing, contributes nothing, doesn’t have any redeeming qualities and you do everything - just leave. You clearly don’t need him for anything and he doesn’t engage with you or the kids so just leave with the kids and it seems like nothing will change for you at all.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 11:05     Subject: Re:Please give it to me straight
Anonymous wrote:Op, you married the wrong dude. Then you went and had a bunch of kids with him even though you knew better. Despite your moment of weakness, he doesn't sound like he brings anything to the table besides money. This stick together for the kids BS gets old. Your kids will all suffer the consequences and resent you down the road if you continue this path of toxicity. Get it together and get into counseling or leave.


OP here.

Part of what I worry about is splitting the kids physically between the two of us if we were to separate. I mentioned before that basic kid things like feeding and diapering don't happen enough when I need to leave the house.

He also has very low patience and gets angry very easily.

At least when they're with me they are taken care of and not hungry, dirty, or upset.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 10:48     Subject: Re:Please give it to me straight
Op, you married the wrong dude. Then you went and had a bunch of kids with him even though you knew better. Despite your moment of weakness, he doesn't sound like he brings anything to the table besides money. This stick together for the kids BS gets old. Your kids will all suffer the consequences and resent you down the road if you continue this path of toxicity. Get it together and get into counseling or leave.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 10:30     Subject: Please give it to me straight
Anonymous wrote:OP, you homeschool? I missed that with so many pages of snow-flake talk.


OP here.

Have a great day!
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 10:26     Subject: Please give it to me straight
OP, you homeschool? I missed that with so many pages of snow-flake talk.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 10:25     Subject: Please give it to me straight
Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to enjoy the blah, blah, blah.

Get over yourself. The nudes are way in the past. Stop ruminating on it, on everything. Stop analyzing. The marriage and duties established are what they are. Get use to it. Hire help. Go have sex with your husband.


OP here.

Yes, I overthink everything.

That's about where I stop agreeing with you.

So people in marriages that have changed are not allowed to be upset/want to address the issues and improve them?

Your actual suggestion is to just have me spread? And that will magically make everything, including my happiness, better?