Anonymous
04/11/2025 06:02
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
tAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Have you discussed a budget of what is affordable for each of you? I mean, it is reasonable to choose a place you can both afford. I am not sure that is an insult versus a practical reality.
Did you feel you could afford that place?
This isn’t the only time he has put down how much money I make. He has done this dinners and vacations.
Our plan was for him to buy and we split 60/40. He said I can’t afford the 40.
He owns the place but you split mortgage and expenses 60/40? Great deal for him.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 22:41
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
OP:
1. Listen to your feelings; if you are feeling hurt, do not dismiss it just because DCUM trolls “do not understand”
2. Let’s give some grace to the bf here. Is it the case that he is from a modest background and he does not mean to hurt you, but telling you that you cannot afford smth is a way for him to show off his earnings? Is he not realizing he is hurting your feelings. Tell him you are very happy he makes $$$, but you are also proud of what you do and what you earn, and you would appreciate it if he stops hinting that you are “less than” just because he makes more. Be cool, calm but direct about it.
3. 60/40 split when his name is on the deed does not sound fair. He gets to have equity, benefit from pricing increase, but you would be giving money to him every month and not build equity, benefit from pricing increase. You can agree to contribute what you would otherwise pay for rent where you share a room. And save, invest the rest, build your own wealth (take classes on that).
1. Listen to your feelings; if you are feeling hurt, do not dismiss it just because DCUM trolls “do not understand”
2. Let’s give some grace to the bf here. Is it the case that he is from a modest background and he does not mean to hurt you, but telling you that you cannot afford smth is a way for him to show off his earnings? Is he not realizing he is hurting your feelings. Tell him you are very happy he makes $$$, but you are also proud of what you do and what you earn, and you would appreciate it if he stops hinting that you are “less than” just because he makes more. Be cool, calm but direct about it.
3. 60/40 split when his name is on the deed does not sound fair. He gets to have equity, benefit from pricing increase, but you would be giving money to him every month and not build equity, benefit from pricing increase. You can agree to contribute what you would otherwise pay for rent where you share a room. And save, invest the rest, build your own wealth (take classes on that).
Anonymous
04/10/2025 22:30
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Backhand him in the balls when he says something you don't like. He'll get the message.
Where should he hit her when she says something he doesn’t like?
Domestic violence isn’t the answer to anything
Boob punch is the opposite form.
And "domestic violence"? LMAO! Would hate to be around you much if playfulness is considered DV to you.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 21:04
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
\Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Have you discussed a budget of what is affordable for each of you? I mean, it is reasonable to choose a place you can both afford. I am not sure that is an insult versus a practical reality.
Did you feel you could afford that place?
This isn’t the only time he has put down how much money I make. He has done this dinners and vacations.
Our plan was for him to buy and we split 60/40. He said I can’t afford the 40.
Can you? Why are you sharing financial details with someone you aren't married to? Moving in together is a mistake
Anonymous
04/10/2025 21:02
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
Well can you afford it? I was expecting something far more. What he said was not a big deal. If you want a reason to break up with him, just say so, but stop being dramatic about nothing.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 20:28
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
OP, you got my permission to part ways with your boyfriend before you fell sick of emotional/ psychological abuse.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:59
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
op, this is financial madness. You should pay proportional to your incomes and also set a budget that works with your income for things like groceries and going out so that if he wants higher priced lifestyle he has to pay for it.
The deal right now is that you are subsidizing his mortgage and equity while compromising your own ability to build wealth. For a guy you’ve been with for a year who seems to enjoy making you feel small.
The deal right now is that you are subsidizing his mortgage and equity while compromising your own ability to build wealth. For a guy you’ve been with for a year who seems to enjoy making you feel small.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:26
Subject: Re:Boyfriend insulted me
Anonymous wrote:I am confused. I agree with those who say it doesn't sound as if the BF is insulting her; it sounds as if he is a bit tactless and she is expecting him to white lie. As I read it, he didn't voluntarily say I am passing on the house because you can't afford it. She asked him why, and he gave her a truthful answer. I don't get what the issue is. It sounds as if she is expeting him to white lie and/or thinks being truthful is insulting her.
That said, if he is buying the house and only HIS name is on the deed, there is NO way she should be paying ANYTHING towards the mortgage. So how much she can afford is wholly irrelevant. Paying anything towards the mortgage is ridiculous unless OP lives in a common law marriage state and then she'd have to live with him for a long time without marriage.
Right now, she's just a roommate legally. He can evict her. In some states, paying some sort of rent gives a roommate some legal rights, but OP won't have any more than a wholly platonic roommate who isn't sharing his bed.
Paying a percentage of the living expenses--food, cleaning, water, heat, phone, internet, etc. is a different matter. Yes, OP should pay a portion of those but NOT the mortgage.
OP should pay as much as she would be paying if living in a rental on her own.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:24
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
Anonymous wrote:LMAO… Op is complaining that the guy she is fornicating with is not respecting her! Folks we need to stop treating an adulterous relationship like a legitimate married relationship.
You don’t know the definition of adulterous. Op isn’t married and neither is her bf. Adulterous means op would be sleeping with a married man. Don’t be so quick to laugh when you don’t know basic words.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:21
Subject: Re:Boyfriend insulted me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, when a man truly loves a woman, he will gladly pay her share of everything. Especially if he makes much more than her. Your BF is using you and making you feel like crap about your low income. This is unkind behavior. Do you really want to move in with someone like that?
Do people not read?! He TRIED to pay for everything and OP took that as him insulting her. She's the one insisting on paying. He paid for their expensive vacation and she took that as him insulting her.
You’re wrong. I said I wouldn’t live off a man who isn’t my husband. That doesn’t mean he offered to pay for everything. He asked me to move in with him and came up with the 60/40 split.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:08
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
FWIW, I think it’s fair that the high earner the low earners way.
As for the mortgage, I think allowing the low earner to live rent free on the condition that money going towards rent would be put into savings.
As for the mortgage, I think allowing the low earner to live rent free on the condition that money going towards rent would be put into savings.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 17:50
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
Anonymous wrote:This seems like an overreaction. I mean he didn’t choose the house because, also, HE can’t afford it right? If he could he’d just go for it and wouldn’t have to consider your income. I see it as much of an insult to himself too.
+1
Sharpen your tongue. Next time he says that tell him "Yeah, it’s interesting how you focus on my money instead of your lack thereof".
Anonymous
04/10/2025 17:48
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you were so badly insulted and why you are considering ending the relationship. I feel like I am missing something.
He makes a lot more money than I do. He has thrown that in my face many times with little insults as jokes.
First time I told him I would treat for dinner but he wanted a fancy steak. He told me don’t worry and he would pay the cost because be knows I can’t afford expensive dinners.
We went on a vacation and he chose a very expensive package. He paid for me because he knew I couldn’t afford it.
He seems to like letting me know that I can’t afford things but he can.
Have a conversation about this with him.
It’s possible you are taking his openness about money as an insult due to your own internalised insecurity or discomfort about discussing it.
How he reacts to your feelings would be the true sign to whether you should continue to see him.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 17:44
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
I made multiple times less than my boyfriend when we got engaged and then moved in together the year before our wedding. He never made me feel less than because of the differences in our income. He was proud of the (nonprofit) work I did and the accomplishments I had. I couldn’t be with someone who made jokes at my expense like this.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 17:43
Subject: Boyfriend insulted me
I wouldn’t move in with someone when you are experiencing this emotional disconnect. Whether he means to be disrespectful or not, he is hurting your feelings. Don’t get trapped into living with someone like this. You need more time with him living apart.