Anonymous wrote:And will you be doing or giving nothing in return?

Nothing for either of us and I'm happy about that (I am the wife). It's a fake holiday for the young and insecure (teens buying stuffed animals, chocolates and flowers, 20s buying more of same plus jewelery).

If my spouse wasted money on any of that crap I'd be unhappy (we have teens close to college age, and I would rather spend money toward college)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do grown people feel the need to give in to the pressure of this made-up holiday? I understand why kids and teens do it. But I'm assuming you're an adult. If things aren't working in your relationship, if you're unhappy, speak up. Valentine's Day is just another day. If my marriage wasn't working I certainly wouldn't expect some gushy card or a present on VD. I have a good relationship and we looked at each other the other night and said that we dont plan to get each other anything. We show love every day. Dont need a special occasion.

We know and all TERRIBLY IMPRESSED by those of you who are sooooo rebellious that you don't participate in holidays, birthdays, etc. etc. We read your smug posts every time these questions come up.

Some of us enjoy holidays and the chance to do something out of the ordinary for our family. Anyone can slog through life doing nothing fun or thoughtful. We do small treats or flowers. And while I'm quite sure my DH would be happy if I said we no longer had to do it, I would be not happy that we did. It takes little effort to buy a premade bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates to keep me happy. I don't buy, or demand he buy me, expensive shoes, bags, jewelry, etc. I think he can suck it up and buy some chocolates. If your DH can't do that, yeah, I'd be annoyed.

Oh I wish I had the happy marriage your DH has!

I checked the front door again. I guess it is too late for flower deliveries at this point. I
hate him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? So many women would not like flowers or chocolates or being taken out to dinner or even a card? Any of those things would make me feel happy. Of course, being loving and kind all year long is even better, but not everyone is as lucky in that department.

I always love a great restaurant but we have nice lunch dates about twice a month when the kids are at school. We did schedule one for today at one of our faves.

But I don’t want flowers, chocolate, or a card. All will just end up in the trash. We strive to live a minimal-ish lifestyle. We are quite comfortable but try to resist pointless consumption that does not serve our goals.

That is not a minimalist lifestyle. LOL

Absolutely it is. Minimalism is about living without extra, unneeded possessions. You can be a wealthy minimalist and still spend money on luxuries. You don't have to be poor or a miser to be a minimalist. In fact many of the promoters/advocates would argue you have far more money to spend on nice experiences because you aren't wasting your money on crap you don't need.

From Joshua Becker himself:
https://www.becomingminimalist.com/what-is-minimalism/

I got my husband an apple watch for Valentine’s Day which he accidentally found earlier this week. He spent the rest of the week getting himself a new iPhone and other accessories for his new Apple Watch and iPhone and I got nothing for Valentine’s Day. Just a card would have been nice. Meanwhile, I’ve been taking care of our newborn all week and haven’t even had a chance to shower in 5 days. I’m also very sleep deprived since I completely handle the overnight shift with the baby while he sleeps in another room. In his defense, I am on maternity leave though. I spent this afternoon silently crying in the nursery rocking chair while the baby slept. He’s never been much of a gifter but just something in acknowledgement would have been nice.

Anonymous wrote:Really? So many women would not like flowers or chocolates or being taken out to dinner or even a card? Any of those things would make me feel happy. Of course, being loving and kind all year long is even better, but not everyone is as lucky in that department.

Yes, really. Flowers or chocolates one day don't make up for being loving and kind all year long. In fact, I'd almost thing they'd make it worse!

I am sorry for those of you facing job insecurity right now. It is a very difficult way to live.

A card or nice note is enough. Flowers or chocolate is a bonus. We don’t need gifts.

We are not spending for two reasons.

1. I don't like a holiday focused on buying things.
2. We might lose income due to Trump.

Thank you, PP. I can’t decide whether to tell him that I was hurt by this. I suspect that was his goal, so I will probably stay silent. But I’m really, really considering divorce. Not just for this incident, but a host of other verbal aggressions, etc. I don’t know why I can’t muster the determination to leave after 30 years. I am scared of change.

Anonymous wrote:I have stupidly been waiting for the doorbell to ring all day and even opening the door to check if flowers were left there. I am truly an idiot. Why do I keep thinking he will finally do something? I did remind my son to make sure to do something nice for his girlfriend because it really stinks to be forgotten.

This makes me sad for you. Go do something nice for yourself!

I don’t think it’s the same if you have to send your husband a link to get you flowers. That’s almost worse than nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? So many women would not like flowers or chocolates or being taken out to dinner or even a card? Any of those things would make me feel happy. Of course, being loving and kind all year long is even better, but not everyone is as lucky in that department.

I always love a great restaurant but we have nice lunch dates about twice a month when the kids are at school. We did schedule one for today at one of our faves.

But I don’t want flowers, chocolate, or a card. All will just end up in the trash. We strive to live a minimal-ish lifestyle. We are quite comfortable but try to resist pointless consumption that does not serve our goals.

That is not a minimalist lifestyle. LOL

Anonymous wrote:Why do grown people feel the need to give in to the pressure of this made-up holiday? I understand why kids and teens do it. But I'm assuming you're an adult. If things aren't working in your relationship, if you're unhappy, speak up. Valentine's Day is just another day. If my marriage wasn't working I certainly wouldn't expect some gushy card or a present on VD. I have a good relationship and we looked at each other the other night and said that we dont plan to get each other anything. We show love every day. Dont need a special occasion.

We know and all TERRIBLY IMPRESSED by those of you who are sooooo rebellious that you don't participate in holidays, birthdays, etc. etc. We read your smug posts every time these questions come up.

Some of us enjoy holidays and the chance to do something out of the ordinary for our family. Anyone can slog through life doing nothing fun or thoughtful. We do small treats or flowers. And while I'm quite sure my DH would be happy if I said we no longer had to do it, I would be not happy that we did. It takes little effort to buy a premade bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates to keep me happy. I don't buy, or demand he buy me, expensive shoes, bags, jewelry, etc. I think he can suck it up and buy some chocolates. If your DH can't do that, yeah, I'd be annoyed.

Anonymous wrote:I have stupidly been waiting for the doorbell to ring all day and even opening the door to check if flowers were left there. I am truly an idiot. Why do I keep thinking he will finally do something? I did remind my son to make sure to do something nice for his girlfriend because it really stinks to be forgotten.

Best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

If you want flowers that badly, just send him a darned link to a local florist next time. To the bouquet you want.