Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.
Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.
Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.
Socialized means beyond manners and etiquette and cultural normals; it means you went out weekly and interacted with other families and ages groups. At temple, at restaurants, when traveling, had/at parties, went to sports games or arts, wandered museums, visited friends and family in person.
You socialized with other humans. Not the tv. Not only your parents.
I feel like cultural norms vary though. You can't know manners in every setting and culture even with the "best upbringing".
Anonymous wrote:Okay, will someone please make a post about how books in the living room or family photos are tacky? I remember these being inexplicably controversial items.
Anonymous wrote:Different people use different ways, there is no universal standard of civility, a lot depends on culture and resources.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.
My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.
Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!
I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.
I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.
There’s nothing “civilized” about not using overhead lights. That’s just a thing your low income mom told you because your ceilings were too low.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.
My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.
Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!
I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.
I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.
Golly, wonder when recessed lights and 12’ ceilings came about.
Or does the whole world live in a little hobbit house with iridescent lighting and lamps?
My way or the highway!
Think of the old European houses and castles. Versailles has very high ceilings and no overhead lights.
I'm not sure I would go so far as to say that overhead lights are tacky but floor lamps are better. Fluorescent lighting is a no-no except for possibly in the utility room.
Most houses built the last 40 years have recessed lighting and and/or lamp switches.
I still hate most LED bulbs but they are finally coming out in warmer hues. Def don’t last for millions of house. Our always seem to go dead within 2-3 years; they seem very fragile somehow and not long lasting:
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.
My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.
Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!
I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.
Yikes, I use overhead lights (at times - I do prefer a softer light) and don’t always raise the blinds. I also will keep good in their containers if it’s just us. I guess I’m base and crude and never knew it!
This is the second time someone has mentioned overhead lights. Will someone explain this to me? What is the issue with using overhead lights?
Anonymous wrote:Chapelle’s show did a wife swap skit where the white family didn’t use wash cloths, and the black dad is appalled they all use the same bar of soap directly on their bodies.
At 1:20 here:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrq01UB05Vc
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.
My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.
Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!
I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.
I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.
Golly, wonder when recessed lights and 12’ ceilings came about.
Or does the whole world live in a little hobbit house with iridescent lighting and lamps?
My way or the highway!
Think of the old European houses and castles. Versailles has very high ceilings and no overhead lights.
I'm not sure I would go so far as to say that overhead lights are tacky but floor lamps are better. Fluorescent lighting is a no-no except for possibly in the utility room.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.
My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.
Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!
I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.
I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.
Golly, wonder when recessed lights and 12’ ceilings came about.
Or does the whole world live in a little hobbit house with iridescent lighting and lamps?
My way or the highway!
Think of the old European houses and castles. Versailles has very high ceilings and no overhead lights.
I'm not sure I would go so far as to say that overhead lights are tacky but floor lamps are better. Fluorescent lighting is a no-no except for possibly in the utility room.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.
My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.
Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!
I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.
I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.
What's wrong with being raised in a trailer?
Indeed, if that's your preference, do so. And please confirm to criticize those of us who choose otherwise.
NP. Gently, I think the PP is calling you (or your mother) out a bit on classism. Most people who live in trailers do not "choose to do so." They do so out of financial necessity. It's all very well to eschew overhead lighting, but being cruel to people who are already down makes you look much worse than harsh lighting ever could.
No, she is explicitly calling out classism in others, while most likely being classist herself. Like the Arlington or Bethesda moms who want to bus "poor kids" to good schools as long as they aren't bused to their kids' schools.
"Hate has no home here." And neither do "the poors".
Anonymous wrote:Some of these aren’t really things. Eg washcloths are optional, as is tipping maids, and I have never heard of offering to pay the tip when someone buys a meal.