Anonymous wrote:My parents are oddly attached to me "coming home". They hate to go anywhere and it's like it doesn't count unless it's at their house.

Sorry but it's a pain to get there, there's nothing to do, and all my friends are gone for the same reason. All we really do is a walk in the woods, drink coffee, they talk about how "people dream of living here!" meanwhile the area is losing population every year. Total denial. But I think on some level they know their town is in a bad spiral and they need my visit to validate that things are ok and it's still the 80s.

Is it possible they are getting old and feel familiar than traveling or moving? If they do come to your town, would you buy flights, host them and show them good time?

Anonymous wrote:If you offer to pay for his airfare and know that he has adequate PTO, then it’s fair to ask why he visits rarely. Outside of that, yes, OP, that is unrealistic.

I just booked a cross country flight for February for work and it’s 1k for one person economy class. When I was 26, there was no way I could afford that.

What do you consider sufficiently “adequate” PTO for OP to be entitled to yearly or more visits?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do kids have to be bribed to stay connected to the aging parents who spent 20+ years setting them up for a lifetime of success? 🤔

Why do retired people forget what it’s like to be young, broke, working long hours to build a career, and only have 10 vacation days a year?

No dog in this fight but I was never broke once I started my first real job and took plenty of trips with friends and SOs and had 6 weeks vacation.

It’s not the money that’s the issue…it’s that visiting home usually feels like a waste.

My parents took us on ski trips when I was in my twenties. I ended up staying somewhere nicer than I could have afforded on my own, and we spent a lot of time together on chairlifts and over meals. Not sure how your finances look OP, but something like that, or perhaps a beach house if you're not skiers.

Anonymous wrote:Why do kids have to be bribed to stay connected to the aging parents who spent 20+ years setting them up for a lifetime of success? 🤔

Why do retired people forget what it’s like to be young, broke, working long hours to build a career, and only have 10 vacation days a year?

Your metal / security excuse is not valid. My mom in her 70s has a shoulder replacement and two hip replacements and mobility challenges. My MIL is an amputee with a prosthetic leg. I have been through the airport with both of them multiple times.

When I was 26, I had more money than time. Even when I technically had PTO, I didnt have the freedom to use it without guilt or a heavy workload when I returned - I was in the “paying dues” phase of my career.

Now I am a mom / wife / homeowner/ executive and my own mom will claim she can’t research a restaurant and make a reservation or make any plans. I am sure she would like to see us more often, but I am constantly juggling to get through the week. When I try to make plans and she claims she is “too busy” to think of something and plan it, I just don’t see her. She wants me to do the research, buy the ticket, host and serve dinner, etc. when she and my father are retired.

My mom’s excused are self-centered and lazy and so are yours OP. You need to discuss with your son what fits into his plans. Would he be willing to meet you at a middle point? Visit for a shorter period of time? Come visit - but work remotely part of the trip? Have you visit - but entertain yourselves during the day and hang out with him in the evenings after work?

Allow an extra hour. You won't need it all to get your metal checked.

pp again. I have now read about your metal. Not enough of a reason, Op.

I have never been a good traveler, and have some medical issues that cause traveling, especially by air, a challenge.

Sorry Op, I didn't read the whole thread, in case you answered it --- but we are going to need more information. We need to be convinced you can't fly to him. HE may need to be convinced too.

I don't like going home because it triggers some painful memories, though I don't blame my parents for them. For a long time, I avoided going back, but my husband and kids really enjoy my hometown and spending time with their grandparents, so now I visit once a year. Every time I land, I feel queasy and count down until the visit ends.

If you offer to pay for his airfare and know that he has adequate PTO, then it’s fair to ask why he visits rarely. Outside of that, yes, OP, that is unrealistic.

I just booked a cross country flight for February for work and it’s 1k for one person economy class. When I was 26, there was no way I could afford that.

I would also add: when do you expect these visits to end? Like at what age will you feel like he needs to stop coming to you? I wonder if you might want to examine what your expectations are, and adjust to this new normal of having an adult child. Yes, you want to stay close, but does that mean he needs to come to you? Meet in the middle, offer to pay his ticket, and hang out in neutral territory. Some kids don't want to go back to a house where they were kids, because they have moved on from that age and life. Meeting in the middle allows space for an adult friendship that doesn't make him feel like he's a kid again.

I once worked with someone who lived in AZ and flew home to Colorado A LOT. Like couple times a month she was that close to her family. Sounds like OP would like that kind of kid. The reality though is that OPs son is building his life moving forward independently while OPs life is probably at a standstill hasn’t changed much in 10 years. It’s nice to want OP but your son just isn’t that into being home and seeing you. Go see him if you like. Or invite him and pay for part of a vacation. I don’t see this situation changing. And if he finds a partner and settles down it probably gets worse for you.

My parents were greatest generation and it was tradition the kids visit the parents but not vice versa.

We visited my grandparents once a year and grandparents never visited us (or their other kids) ever.

My parents were the same, except we finally got them to rent a beach house for family visits…but they never once came to visit me.

Will break the cycle with my own kids.

My parents are oddly attached to me "coming home". They hate to go anywhere and it's like it doesn't count unless it's at their house.

Sorry but it's a pain to get there, there's nothing to do, and all my friends are gone for the same reason. All we really do is a walk in the woods, drink coffee, they talk about how "people dream of living here!" meanwhile the area is losing population every year. Total denial. But I think on some level they know their town is in a bad spiral and they need my visit to validate that things are ok and it's still the 80s.