Anonymous wrote:Op, do you know how many times I’ve heard highly successful women tell other women at networking events during their presentations that the most important factor to being successful is having a supportive husband?

As a single mom I find that to be a pretty tone deaf statement as they are there to provide supportive guidance to all women - however it’s their truth and probably very accurate for many highly successful women.

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Anonymous wrote:What's the context?

This was a campus tour presentation and this was her observation on what matters among admitted families. According to her admitted students are more likely to come from intact homes.

Not test scores, nothing else apparently. Marital status...

Intact families directly correlate with higher test scores and more success in life.

You can't really say it this decade in the era of perpetual offense, but the most positive thing you can do for kids' development is raise them in an intact, 2 parent household with both their mom and their dad. This is a statistical truth.

It's important but it's far from the most important thing you can give your kids. Being married is simply associated with a lot of other factors.

Having stable, loving, involved parents, divorced or not, is far more important. Good community and connections. Strong friendships throughout adolescence. Stable income. Good ZIP Code. Good health.

And you know what, you can provide all of the above and have a less than perfect outcome, even disastrous and unexpected outcomes. There are plenty of examples of people NOT having a stable family life and turning out quite well, Obama or Kamala Harris for example (JD Vance for that matter).

It's foolish to think that just staying married is some kind of golden key, just like the opposite of it is not a curse. Can't believe some of you got this far in parenting and think this way.

For individuals, true, but at the population level, it really is. Naming a few exceptionally talented individuals doesn’t change this.

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Anonymous wrote:I was absolutely floored yesterday to hear this not only said aloud by the person presenting but repeated. I thought it was a joke until she repeated it.

The words were - "I tell parents the one thing that will get their kid into college is staying married"

So all these colleges are woke about everything else but it's still cool to throw shade at family status?

Yes, the best thing for children is to grow up in a stable, loving two parent household. How is this new?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the context?

This was a campus tour presentation and this was her observation on what matters among admitted families. According to her admitted students are more likely to come from intact homes.

Not test scores, nothing else apparently. Marital status...

Intact families directly correlate with higher test scores and more success in life.

You can't really say it this decade in the era of perpetual offense, but the most positive thing you can do for kids' development is raise them in an intact, 2 parent household with both their mom and their dad. This is a statistical truth.

Cool. Do you have a time machine?

I mean no…….but it’s not like you didn’t already know this, right? Did you somehow reason that this was a GOOD thing for your kids to split their time between two households and have their mental, physical, and emotional energy and attention consumed by adult drama of divorce?
I know it must have been a tough decision for you and your spouse, but it would be hard to believe that you thought divorce would have no negative impact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the context?

This was a campus tour presentation and this was her observation on what matters among admitted families. According to her admitted students are more likely to come from intact homes.

Not test scores, nothing else apparently. Marital status...

Intact families directly correlate with higher test scores and more success in life.

You can't really say it this decade in the era of perpetual offense, but the most positive thing you can do for kids' development is raise them in an intact, 2 parent household with both their mom and their dad. This is a statistical truth.

It's important but it's far from the most important thing you can give your kids. Being married is simply associated with a lot of other factors.

Having stable, loving, involved parents, divorced or not, is far more important. Good community and connections. Strong friendships throughout adolescence. Stable income. Good ZIP Code. Good health.

And you know what, you can provide all of the above and have a less than perfect outcome, even disastrous and unexpected outcomes. There are plenty of examples of people NOT having a stable family life and turning out quite well, Obama or Kamala Harris for example (JD Vance for that matter).

It's foolish to think that just staying married is some kind of golden key, just like the opposite of it is not a curse. Can't believe some of you got this far in parenting and think this way.

Anonymous wrote:Op, do you know how many times I’ve heard highly successful women tell other women at networking events during their presentations that the most important factor to being successful is having a supportive husband?

As a single mom I find that to be a pretty tone deaf statement as they are there to provide supportive guidance to all women - however it’s their truth and probably very accurate for many highly successful women.

Anonymous wrote:From my understanding, once the child turns 18, the higher earner parent has no obligation to pay for child support or any contribution to college, and thus children of divorced families may likely get less financial support from parents when the parents are not amiable and bitter towards each other.

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Anonymous wrote:I was absolutely floored yesterday to hear this not only said aloud by the person presenting but repeated. I thought it was a joke until she repeated it.

The words were - "I tell parents the one thing that will get their kid into college is staying married"

So all these colleges are woke about everything else but it's still cool to throw shade at family status?

My guess is there is statistical evidence to back that statement up as fact.

-- Divorced dad whose children are both in college, but it was a rough adolescence.

I have to agree. It wasn’t the most sensitive comment to make, but unfortunately it wasn’t inaccurate.

- divorced mom who recognizes the divorce and, more importantly, co parenting stress on DC greatly affected them

*when people get divorced because they’re ’not in love’ anymore or similar, it infuriates me.

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Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone so quick to believe this really happened? I’m calling bs.

If John’s Hopkins was saying this, it would be all over DCUM and College Confidential.

Maybe. I’ve heard from really wacky things on college tours, especially at UVA.

And here we go, it always comes back to UVA for some of you people. Twisted.

Anonymous wrote:That's a shocking and provocative statement. The person in question should NOT have made it. it's not helpful. And as PP said, data and interpretation of data is not the same.

OP, I would complain to the admissions department.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you that it was a thoughtless statement, OP. Even though it's truthful in the statistical sense, it is also hurtful to hear for those who can't make their marriages work for whatever reason. I don't get what he or she was trying to accomplish in saying this. Maybe this person wants to become a marriage counselor instead of an admissions officer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was absolutely floored yesterday to hear this not only said aloud by the person presenting but repeated. I thought it was a joke until she repeated it.

The words were - "I tell parents the one thing that will get their kid into college is staying married"

So all these colleges are woke about everything else but it's still cool to throw shade at family status?

What is false about the statement? There is plenty of evidence that children from intact families have, in the aggregate, more academic success.

Intact families are also happy enough to not want to divorce. There's no evidence that a family whose parents hate each other but are only staying together for the college outcomes has kids who do any better than a family who divorces and is able to co-parent respectfully and peacefully.

Actually there is evidence that kids are still better off by every measurable metric even if the parents are unhappily together. There is no dive in these metrics for Unhappily vs happily married—-just matters that they are married.