Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom complained that my grandpa who died at 94 in his SFH did not close down his SFH earlier and move to senior living earlier.

Guess who is 83 and just reinvested $50K in making her house and backyard more liveable (long overdue, and may be partially recouped at resale, but still!)? I asked her to move to my state but she refused.

I think the reason for the freezing is that they don't want to live in living arrangements they wouldn't otherwise choose.

I love the idea of family compounds and babysitting grandmas. I'd love to live in a backyard ADU or MIL apartment and not even bug my kids with daily visits. Except for babysitting if that was wanted. I will have the funds to make this happen if it's welcome.

I have never purchased a freestanding SFH so am fine with downsizing.

Oh good god no to the family compound where you’ll live in the backyard ADU and be no trouble at all! Are you really going to sit alone in your backyard ADU for every holiday they host with the other in laws, every birthday party, every holiday or event? Nope, you’ll be with them. You will need someone to drive you to medical appointments at some point which is really difficult when you are already juggling work and kid appointments. When you need nursing care and run out of resources, you can’t sell the ADU . I guess your adult kids have to sell the house or daughter or daughter in law gives up her career to wipe you. Yeah, no trouble at all.

I will say there is a family near us that went the compound route (both parents and kids have full SFHs with shared backyard) and it seems to have worked well. There are a number of other siblings that also live within five miles, so everything doesn’t fall into the sibling that lives in the compound.

The parent is now moving into assisted living and selling so they had to put up a fence.

Only works if you and most of your siblings live nearby (within 10-15 miles). Otherwise the burden falls on one sibling and that is challenging

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it's like fraternity hazing...I had to deal with it with my parents, so guess what kids, you will deal with the same shit with me.

This is my mom’s philosophy, and I kind of hate her for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this makes one try to figure out what the best model may be to ensure our own children aren't burdened with our care.

Just talking out loud, curious on thoughts on:

- Move into a 55+ community that provides soups-to-nuts living arrangements...independent living when still capable, assisted living when the time comes, and nursing care when the time comes. Thinking that since elderly are resistant to change, it won't feel scary to just move a couple blocks up the street when the time comes, and perhaps these places have a more extensive network of elder care workers if in fact you wanted to stay in your home;

- Pick a community near where at least one of your kids live...or pick a community in a "vacation" type location...either a place that is convenient for kids to visit or they want to visit;

- Maybe not choose a 55+ commmunity...but maybe a community affiliated with an assisted living/nursing kind of facility, so no restrictions on who can live in the independent living area, but again, when the time comes you must move across the street (do these places exist?);

- Seems like once most people hit a certain age, their capability to make decisions freezes...so maybe make a pact to make the move no later than 70?

- Have honest conversations with your kids when say you are 60 and the kids are 30, about your plans for the above?

- Feels like burdening your heirs with real estate is a major pain-in-the-ass...perhaps best to plan to sell your house at some point and then rent? Or maybe, plan to have your house down to a minimalist kind of situation?

I guess it just seems like our parents are maybe the last generation (or maybe it's the boomers) where you either didn't have a plan, or you didn't include your children in a plan...and now things are mess.

Any other ideas so we don't make the mistakes of our parents?

Move into a CCRC when still healthy. Pay the large upfront entry fee so all "higher level care" is fully covered without a price increase (well okay, the only price increase is paying for 3 full meals a day versus 1-1.5 that's currently included).
My parents were LMC, frugal and saved as much as they could. We had to pay the $400K+ entry fee but they qualified for the smallest 2 bedroom/2 bath at a very nice facility. But now they have spent 5 years in independent living, are more social, no longer have yard work or home maintenance, and we know they are well cared for. If either needs nursing care/memory care/assisted living, the transition would happen within a day. The other would be able to visit them by walking inside the complex. If possible, the healthy one could bring them to the apartment for part of day and meals (sometime possible with even early memory care) but return them so they are safe the rest of the day.

IMO everyone should attempt to enter a CCRC by early 70s. Also, should they "run out of money" they will never have to pay anymore to the facility and still get to live there. They facility does not touch SS income. Currently there are 4 members who have "run out of money" all are women 95+ (spouses have passed already). 2 are still in independent living, the other 2 are in advanced care. And it's true, you don't pay anything else. THat's what the high entry fee is for---to cover advanced care and someone living well into their 90s (most people don't and they make more from the entry fee).

Do all these facilities run the same way, or is it really you need to read the fine print of all CCRCs?

What are the main reasons to pay the big up-front fee? Is it the guarantee of a place at all levels of care? Is it that they can't kick you out if you don't pay? Are all activities usually included with your monthly fee in independent living? Any level of meals usually part of the monthly independent living fee?

I assume there must be some NW test or other kind of vetting they perform, correct? I doubt they would accept someone who can only pay the up-front fee and a year of independent living as an example.

You need to read the fine print and make sure you know what you are purchasing.

For my parents, there were 3 paths: one with a really large upfront fee and you get at least 50% back guaranteed upon death of both, 2nd with a large entry fee ($425K for the smallest 2 bed/2bath my parents selected) with the guaranteed all healthcare/advanced care fully funded and you can never run out of money, 3rd for $300K entry fee, but you pay fee for the services beyond Independent living.

Number 2 is worth it if even one of your parents need advanced care for 1 year or more. If one requires it, the other can remain in the same 2bedroom (or downgrade for lower monthly fee but it's not worth it or required) for the same rates (with the currently monthly price). If they go to memory care, assisted living or nursing care, all they pay additional is for the extra meals for that person (or both if they both go) . Most facilities are 10-14K/month for that, hence my ~1Year break even point.
If my parents run out of money (they might around 90), they don't owe anything and get to keep living there the same way. This only includes their investments---not SS monthly. So they can still afford to pay for medicare, medical bills and medications and other basic living expenses (groceries, toiletries, cable, mobile phone, etc). Seems like a good deal to me. We are 3K miles away, parents want to stay in area they have lived for 45+ years. I want them to be well cared for and not have to worry about finding the next level care when one takes a fall or has medical issue. I like that they will always be in the same facility, so they can visit each other daily once one is not in independent living---IMO elderly start to decline rapidly when they cannot see their immediate family (as in spouse or whomever they are used to seeing daily/weekly/etc). Also I know for a fact that this financial stuff is all true--there are currently 4 residents who dont pay monthly anymore. Only a few make it to that---the actuarial process of calculating the entry fees obviously is setup for the CCRC to make money on most residents. But for peace of mind it's worth it.

Independent living monthly fees include all utilities(Ac and heat), all maintenance, all appliances (and maintenance), bi-weekly house cleaning, internet, cable tv, fitness center and swimming pool (indoor) along with tons of classes and activities, on campus shuttle service, shuttles to doctors for minimal fees (parents had to use it finally a few months ago---4 hours door to door was $31.26--they wait for you at your appts), and a dollar amount for dining each month and so much more. They have outdoor walking areas in nature, farm to table concept and the local garden to support it. Residents can help with it or have their own gardens.
They also have doctor/dentist/hairdresser/etc on site. Not included in your fees, but was very nice during covid to not have to venture out beyond the property.
The dining works out to one dinner daily at the buffet restaurant per person and enough left for probably 2-3 other meals each week (breakfast or lunch). They also have a fancier sit down restaurant and that is a bit pricier. There are also people who eat 3 meals a day with it---as an egg sandwich with meat and coffee is $3 from the Counter bar. And if you eat salad bar and soup bar (unlimited) for lunch or dinner it's cheaper than the full buffet. So there are a few elderly men (widowers) who manage to eat all 3 meals there daily without having to pay much more. In reality I think dinner at the buffet is only $9

If you go to care more than IL, you have to pay the cost for 3 meals per day (or rather the added 2 or so).

You have to do a full physical before being admitted. They are not going to admit someone who appears to not be able to do independent living for 4-5 years at that point. That is why you need to enter while still healthy. My parents have been there over 5 years---once we convinced them to sell the house and do this, we jumped on the opportunity before they could change their mind. They love it and are forever grateful we encouraged this.

Very helpful. Thank you.

A small point…but are guests allowed to stay in the IL part? If you have a 2BR, are guests allowed in the spare for a couple days?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this makes one try to figure out what the best model may be to ensure our own children aren't burdened with our care.

Just talking out loud, curious on thoughts on:

- Move into a 55+ community that provides soups-to-nuts living arrangements...independent living when still capable, assisted living when the time comes, and nursing care when the time comes. Thinking that since elderly are resistant to change, it won't feel scary to just move a couple blocks up the street when the time comes, and perhaps these places have a more extensive network of elder care workers if in fact you wanted to stay in your home;

- Pick a community near where at least one of your kids live...or pick a community in a "vacation" type location...either a place that is convenient for kids to visit or they want to visit;

- Maybe not choose a 55+ commmunity...but maybe a community affiliated with an assisted living/nursing kind of facility, so no restrictions on who can live in the independent living area, but again, when the time comes you must move across the street (do these places exist?);

- Seems like once most people hit a certain age, their capability to make decisions freezes...so maybe make a pact to make the move no later than 70?

- Have honest conversations with your kids when say you are 60 and the kids are 30, about your plans for the above?

- Feels like burdening your heirs with real estate is a major pain-in-the-ass...perhaps best to plan to sell your house at some point and then rent? Or maybe, plan to have your house down to a minimalist kind of situation?

I guess it just seems like our parents are maybe the last generation (or maybe it's the boomers) where you either didn't have a plan, or you didn't include your children in a plan...and now things are mess.

Any other ideas so we don't make the mistakes of our parents?

Move into a CCRC when still healthy. Pay the large upfront entry fee so all "higher level care" is fully covered without a price increase (well okay, the only price increase is paying for 3 full meals a day versus 1-1.5 that's currently included).
My parents were LMC, frugal and saved as much as they could. We had to pay the $400K+ entry fee but they qualified for the smallest 2 bedroom/2 bath at a very nice facility. But now they have spent 5 years in independent living, are more social, no longer have yard work or home maintenance, and we know they are well cared for. If either needs nursing care/memory care/assisted living, the transition would happen within a day. The other would be able to visit them by walking inside the complex. If possible, the healthy one could bring them to the apartment for part of day and meals (sometime possible with even early memory care) but return them so they are safe the rest of the day.

IMO everyone should attempt to enter a CCRC by early 70s. Also, should they "run out of money" they will never have to pay anymore to the facility and still get to live there. They facility does not touch SS income. Currently there are 4 members who have "run out of money" all are women 95+ (spouses have passed already). 2 are still in independent living, the other 2 are in advanced care. And it's true, you don't pay anything else. THat's what the high entry fee is for---to cover advanced care and someone living well into their 90s (most people don't and they make more from the entry fee).

Do all these facilities run the same way, or is it really you need to read the fine print of all CCRCs?

What are the main reasons to pay the big up-front fee? Is it the guarantee of a place at all levels of care? Is it that they can't kick you out if you don't pay? Are all activities usually included with your monthly fee in independent living? Any level of meals usually part of the monthly independent living fee?

I assume there must be some NW test or other kind of vetting they perform, correct? I doubt they would accept someone who can only pay the up-front fee and a year of independent living as an example.

You need to read the fine print and make sure you know what you are purchasing.

For my parents, there were 3 paths: one with a really large upfront fee and you get at least 50% back guaranteed upon death of both, 2nd with a large entry fee ($425K for the smallest 2 bed/2bath my parents selected) with the guaranteed all healthcare/advanced care fully funded and you can never run out of money, 3rd for $300K entry fee, but you pay fee for the services beyond Independent living.

Number 2 is worth it if even one of your parents need advanced care for 1 year or more. If one requires it, the other can remain in the same 2bedroom (or downgrade for lower monthly fee but it's not worth it or required) for the same rates (with the currently monthly price). If they go to memory care, assisted living or nursing care, all they pay additional is for the extra meals for that person (or both if they both go) . Most facilities are 10-14K/month for that, hence my ~1Year break even point.
If my parents run out of money (they might around 90), they don't owe anything and get to keep living there the same way. This only includes their investments---not SS monthly. So they can still afford to pay for medicare, medical bills and medications and other basic living expenses (groceries, toiletries, cable, mobile phone, etc). Seems like a good deal to me. We are 3K miles away, parents want to stay in area they have lived for 45+ years. I want them to be well cared for and not have to worry about finding the next level care when one takes a fall or has medical issue. I like that they will always be in the same facility, so they can visit each other daily once one is not in independent living---IMO elderly start to decline rapidly when they cannot see their immediate family (as in spouse or whomever they are used to seeing daily/weekly/etc). Also I know for a fact that this financial stuff is all true--there are currently 4 residents who dont pay monthly anymore. Only a few make it to that---the actuarial process of calculating the entry fees obviously is setup for the CCRC to make money on most residents. But for peace of mind it's worth it.

Independent living monthly fees include all utilities(Ac and heat), all maintenance, all appliances (and maintenance), bi-weekly house cleaning, internet, cable tv, fitness center and swimming pool (indoor) along with tons of classes and activities, on campus shuttle service, shuttles to doctors for minimal fees (parents had to use it finally a few months ago---4 hours door to door was $31.26--they wait for you at your appts), and a dollar amount for dining each month and so much more. They have outdoor walking areas in nature, farm to table concept and the local garden to support it. Residents can help with it or have their own gardens.
They also have doctor/dentist/hairdresser/etc on site. Not included in your fees, but was very nice during covid to not have to venture out beyond the property.
The dining works out to one dinner daily at the buffet restaurant per person and enough left for probably 2-3 other meals each week (breakfast or lunch). They also have a fancier sit down restaurant and that is a bit pricier. There are also people who eat 3 meals a day with it---as an egg sandwich with meat and coffee is $3 from the Counter bar. And if you eat salad bar and soup bar (unlimited) for lunch or dinner it's cheaper than the full buffet. So there are a few elderly men (widowers) who manage to eat all 3 meals there daily without having to pay much more. In reality I think dinner at the buffet is only $9

If you go to care more than IL, you have to pay the cost for 3 meals per day (or rather the added 2 or so).

You have to do a full physical before being admitted. They are not going to admit someone who appears to not be able to do independent living for 4-5 years at that point. That is why you need to enter while still healthy. My parents have been there over 5 years---once we convinced them to sell the house and do this, we jumped on the opportunity before they could change their mind. They love it and are forever grateful we encouraged this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this makes one try to figure out what the best model may be to ensure our own children aren't burdened with our care.

Just talking out loud, curious on thoughts on:

- Move into a 55+ community that provides soups-to-nuts living arrangements...independent living when still capable, assisted living when the time comes, and nursing care when the time comes. Thinking that since elderly are resistant to change, it won't feel scary to just move a couple blocks up the street when the time comes, and perhaps these places have a more extensive network of elder care workers if in fact you wanted to stay in your home;

- Pick a community near where at least one of your kids live...or pick a community in a "vacation" type location...either a place that is convenient for kids to visit or they want to visit;

- Maybe not choose a 55+ commmunity...but maybe a community affiliated with an assisted living/nursing kind of facility, so no restrictions on who can live in the independent living area, but again, when the time comes you must move across the street (do these places exist?);

- Seems like once most people hit a certain age, their capability to make decisions freezes...so maybe make a pact to make the move no later than 70?

- Have honest conversations with your kids when say you are 60 and the kids are 30, about your plans for the above?

- Feels like burdening your heirs with real estate is a major pain-in-the-ass...perhaps best to plan to sell your house at some point and then rent? Or maybe, plan to have your house down to a minimalist kind of situation?

I guess it just seems like our parents are maybe the last generation (or maybe it's the boomers) where you either didn't have a plan, or you didn't include your children in a plan...and now things are mess.

Any other ideas so we don't make the mistakes of our parents?

Move into a CCRC when still healthy. Pay the large upfront entry fee so all "higher level care" is fully covered without a price increase (well okay, the only price increase is paying for 3 full meals a day versus 1-1.5 that's currently included).
My parents were LMC, frugal and saved as much as they could. We had to pay the $400K+ entry fee but they qualified for the smallest 2 bedroom/2 bath at a very nice facility. But now they have spent 5 years in independent living, are more social, no longer have yard work or home maintenance, and we know they are well cared for. If either needs nursing care/memory care/assisted living, the transition would happen within a day. The other would be able to visit them by walking inside the complex. If possible, the healthy one could bring them to the apartment for part of day and meals (sometime possible with even early memory care) but return them so they are safe the rest of the day.

IMO everyone should attempt to enter a CCRC by early 70s. Also, should they "run out of money" they will never have to pay anymore to the facility and still get to live there. They facility does not touch SS income. Currently there are 4 members who have "run out of money" all are women 95+ (spouses have passed already). 2 are still in independent living, the other 2 are in advanced care. And it's true, you don't pay anything else. THat's what the high entry fee is for---to cover advanced care and someone living well into their 90s (most people don't and they make more from the entry fee).

Do all these facilities run the same way, or is it really you need to read the fine print of all CCRCs?

What are the main reasons to pay the big up-front fee? Is it the guarantee of a place at all levels of care? Is it that they can't kick you out if you don't pay? Are all activities usually included with your monthly fee in independent living? Any level of meals usually part of the monthly independent living fee?

I assume there must be some NW test or other kind of vetting they perform, correct? I doubt they would accept someone who can only pay the up-front fee and a year of independent living as an example.

The ones I've looked at do require thorough financial disclosures, exactly because they don't want residents who managed to scrape together the entry fee but will have trouble making other payments.

My mother's will allow IL residents to move into a smaller unit if they experience a life event that reduces their income (usually the death of a spouse). A few residents run out of money, and they are allowed to stay, but the vast, vast majority outlive their money. These are prudent people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this makes one try to figure out what the best model may be to ensure our own children aren't burdened with our care.

Just talking out loud, curious on thoughts on:

- Move into a 55+ community that provides soups-to-nuts living arrangements...independent living when still capable, assisted living when the time comes, and nursing care when the time comes. Thinking that since elderly are resistant to change, it won't feel scary to just move a couple blocks up the street when the time comes, and perhaps these places have a more extensive network of elder care workers if in fact you wanted to stay in your home;

- Pick a community near where at least one of your kids live...or pick a community in a "vacation" type location...either a place that is convenient for kids to visit or they want to visit;

- Maybe not choose a 55+ commmunity...but maybe a community affiliated with an assisted living/nursing kind of facility, so no restrictions on who can live in the independent living area, but again, when the time comes you must move across the street (do these places exist?);

- Seems like once most people hit a certain age, their capability to make decisions freezes...so maybe make a pact to make the move no later than 70?

- Have honest conversations with your kids when say you are 60 and the kids are 30, about your plans for the above?

- Feels like burdening your heirs with real estate is a major pain-in-the-ass...perhaps best to plan to sell your house at some point and then rent? Or maybe, plan to have your house down to a minimalist kind of situation?

I guess it just seems like our parents are maybe the last generation (or maybe it's the boomers) where you either didn't have a plan, or you didn't include your children in a plan...and now things are mess.

Any other ideas so we don't make the mistakes of our parents?

Move into a CCRC when still healthy. Pay the large upfront entry fee so all "higher level care" is fully covered without a price increase (well okay, the only price increase is paying for 3 full meals a day versus 1-1.5 that's currently included).
My parents were LMC, frugal and saved as much as they could. We had to pay the $400K+ entry fee but they qualified for the smallest 2 bedroom/2 bath at a very nice facility. But now they have spent 5 years in independent living, are more social, no longer have yard work or home maintenance, and we know they are well cared for. If either needs nursing care/memory care/assisted living, the transition would happen within a day. The other would be able to visit them by walking inside the complex. If possible, the healthy one could bring them to the apartment for part of day and meals (sometime possible with even early memory care) but return them so they are safe the rest of the day.

IMO everyone should attempt to enter a CCRC by early 70s. Also, should they "run out of money" they will never have to pay anymore to the facility and still get to live there. They facility does not touch SS income. Currently there are 4 members who have "run out of money" all are women 95+ (spouses have passed already). 2 are still in independent living, the other 2 are in advanced care. And it's true, you don't pay anything else. THat's what the high entry fee is for---to cover advanced care and someone living well into their 90s (most people don't and they make more from the entry fee).

Do all these facilities run the same way, or is it really you need to read the fine print of all CCRCs?

What are the main reasons to pay the big up-front fee? Is it the guarantee of a place at all levels of care? Is it that they can't kick you out if you don't pay? Are all activities usually included with your monthly fee in independent living? Any level of meals usually part of the monthly independent living fee?

I assume there must be some NW test or other kind of vetting they perform, correct? I doubt they would accept someone who can only pay the up-front fee and a year of independent living as an example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this makes one try to figure out what the best model may be to ensure our own children aren't burdened with our care.

Just talking out loud, curious on thoughts on:

- Move into a 55+ community that provides soups-to-nuts living arrangements...independent living when still capable, assisted living when the time comes, and nursing care when the time comes. Thinking that since elderly are resistant to change, it won't feel scary to just move a couple blocks up the street when the time comes, and perhaps these places have a more extensive network of elder care workers if in fact you wanted to stay in your home;

- Pick a community near where at least one of your kids live...or pick a community in a "vacation" type location...either a place that is convenient for kids to visit or they want to visit;

- Maybe not choose a 55+ commmunity...but maybe a community affiliated with an assisted living/nursing kind of facility, so no restrictions on who can live in the independent living area, but again, when the time comes you must move across the street (do these places exist?);

- Seems like once most people hit a certain age, their capability to make decisions freezes...so maybe make a pact to make the move no later than 70?

- Have honest conversations with your kids when say you are 60 and the kids are 30, about your plans for the above?

- Feels like burdening your heirs with real estate is a major pain-in-the-ass...perhaps best to plan to sell your house at some point and then rent? Or maybe, plan to have your house down to a minimalist kind of situation?

I guess it just seems like our parents are maybe the last generation (or maybe it's the boomers) where you either didn't have a plan, or you didn't include your children in a plan...and now things are mess.

Any other ideas so we don't make the mistakes of our parents?

Move into a CCRC when still healthy. Pay the large upfront entry fee so all "higher level care" is fully covered without a price increase (well okay, the only price increase is paying for 3 full meals a day versus 1-1.5 that's currently included).
My parents were LMC, frugal and saved as much as they could. We had to pay the $400K+ entry fee but they qualified for the smallest 2 bedroom/2 bath at a very nice facility. But now they have spent 5 years in independent living, are more social, no longer have yard work or home maintenance, and we know they are well cared for. If either needs nursing care/memory care/assisted living, the transition would happen within a day. The other would be able to visit them by walking inside the complex. If possible, the healthy one could bring them to the apartment for part of day and meals (sometime possible with even early memory care) but return them so they are safe the rest of the day.

IMO everyone should attempt to enter a CCRC by early 70s. Also, should they "run out of money" they will never have to pay anymore to the facility and still get to live there. They facility does not touch SS income. Currently there are 4 members who have "run out of money" all are women 95+ (spouses have passed already). 2 are still in independent living, the other 2 are in advanced care. And it's true, you don't pay anything else. THat's what the high entry fee is for---to cover advanced care and someone living well into their 90s (most people don't and they make more from the entry fee).

Do all these facilities run the same way, or is it really you need to read the fine print of all CCRCs?

What are the main reasons to pay the big up-front fee? Is it the guarantee of a place at all levels of care? Is it that they can't kick you out if you don't pay? Are all activities usually included with your monthly fee in independent living? Any level of meals usually part of the monthly independent living fee?

I assume there must be some NW test or other kind of vetting they perform, correct? I doubt they would accept someone who can only pay the up-front fee and a year of independent living as an example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Do a Swedish Death Cleanse before you are 62. Declutter and become minimalistic, even if you are going to age in place.

2) Sell off all real estate that requires your care and maintainence, except the one you are staying at. Unless the , the real estate is earning for you and can be easily maintained by you.

3) Help ALL the kids for the following. Priortize in this order.
- college,
- childcare,
- car,
- seed money for downpayment for business, wedding, home
to the best of your financial abilities so that they are independent and flourishing. They will be in a position to help you if you or your spouse need help. Practise Tough Love and cut off children if they have addiction or mental health issues.

4) Help your siblings with the above help if there is need and make sure they are independent and flourishing. This will make them partner in the care of your own elderly parents. Again, practise Tough Love if there is addiction or mental health issues.

5) All legal paperwork done and explained to children. POA, Will, Trust etc. Watch out against fraud, keep an eye on your credit report, don't have extra credit cards etc.

6) Does not matter if you financially help a kid more or less, BUT, you must divvy up your estate equally so that after your death there is no ill-will among your kids.

7) Keeo active, keep socially engaged, take care of your health, make full use of health benefits.

8) Have a team of people who can help with the care of your house, yard, cars, home security chores that can be outsourced.

9) Have systems in place so that you can age in place. That could be -
- CCTV inside, ring cam, Monitored alarm system
- Installing an ensuite bathroom in the main floor
- Having a suite on the main floor for attendent, in-laws
- Installing elevators if possible
- Installing a ramp for wheelchairs.

10) Being able to live in a elder community, group living, condo, or multigen household if needed and making the change earlier rather than later. Understand that retirement is not going to stationary living in one place and you just fade away. The retirement plans can never take into account the whole gamut of frequent and drastic changes in living situations that happen IRL.

11) Understand deeply that when you age physically, your senses and mind also ages and u will not be able to make the decisions that you can make when you are younger. Fear, confusion and paronoia sets in too. Make decisions for old age when you can still do it.

Savage.
Their mental health issues are likely due to something they experienced or went untreated under their parents care.

If that is the case, then the addict adult child with personality disorders is not in a position to help the parents in any case and feels anger and hatred towards them. In such a case, being estranged, gray rocking or cutting them off is good for both parties. I don't understand why you are so triggered? Your parents were mean to you? Then walk away. Why do you care about their money, home and assets? J

I'm not talking about addicts. Look back-notice I didn't bold that. I bolded mental health issues. Typically those are something the person is born with or from trauma. Only a vile person would abuse or medically neglect their child and then "cut them off" because the child has reacted to that abuse. Disgusting that you encourage it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this makes one try to figure out what the best model may be to ensure our own children aren't burdened with our care.

Just talking out loud, curious on thoughts on:

- Move into a 55+ community that provides soups-to-nuts living arrangements...independent living when still capable, assisted living when the time comes, and nursing care when the time comes. Thinking that since elderly are resistant to change, it won't feel scary to just move a couple blocks up the street when the time comes, and perhaps these places have a more extensive network of elder care workers if in fact you wanted to stay in your home;

- Pick a community near where at least one of your kids live...or pick a community in a "vacation" type location...either a place that is convenient for kids to visit or they want to visit;

- Maybe not choose a 55+ commmunity...but maybe a community affiliated with an assisted living/nursing kind of facility, so no restrictions on who can live in the independent living area, but again, when the time comes you must move across the street (do these places exist?);

- Seems like once most people hit a certain age, their capability to make decisions freezes...so maybe make a pact to make the move no later than 70?

- Have honest conversations with your kids when say you are 60 and the kids are 30, about your plans for the above?

- Feels like burdening your heirs with real estate is a major pain-in-the-ass...perhaps best to plan to sell your house at some point and then rent? Or maybe, plan to have your house down to a minimalist kind of situation?

I guess it just seems like our parents are maybe the last generation (or maybe it's the boomers) where you either didn't have a plan, or you didn't include your children in a plan...and now things are mess.

Any other ideas so we don't make the mistakes of our parents?

Move into a CCRC when still healthy. Pay the large upfront entry fee so all "higher level care" is fully covered without a price increase (well okay, the only price increase is paying for 3 full meals a day versus 1-1.5 that's currently included).
My parents were LMC, frugal and saved as much as they could. We had to pay the $400K+ entry fee but they qualified for the smallest 2 bedroom/2 bath at a very nice facility. But now they have spent 5 years in independent living, are more social, no longer have yard work or home maintenance, and we know they are well cared for. If either needs nursing care/memory care/assisted living, the transition would happen within a day. The other would be able to visit them by walking inside the complex. If possible, the healthy one could bring them to the apartment for part of day and meals (sometime possible with even early memory care) but return them so they are safe the rest of the day.

IMO everyone should attempt to enter a CCRC by early 70s. Also, should they "run out of money" they will never have to pay anymore to the facility and still get to live there. They facility does not touch SS income. Currently there are 4 members who have "run out of money" all are women 95+ (spouses have passed already). 2 are still in independent living, the other 2 are in advanced care. And it's true, you don't pay anything else. THat's what the high entry fee is for---to cover advanced care and someone living well into their 90s (most people don't and they make more from the entry fee).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Do a Swedish Death Cleanse before you are 62. Declutter and become minimalistic, even if you are going to age in place.

2) Sell off all real estate that requires your care and maintainence, except the one you are staying at. Unless the , the real estate is earning for you and can be easily maintained by you.

3) Help ALL the kids for the following. Priortize in this order.
- college,
- childcare,
- car,
- seed money for downpayment for business, wedding, home
to the best of your financial abilities so that they are independent and flourishing. They will be in a position to help you if you or your spouse need help. Practise Tough Love and cut off children if they have addiction or mental health issues.

4) Help your siblings with the above help if there is need and make sure they are independent and flourishing. This will make them partner in the care of your own elderly parents. Again, practise Tough Love if there is addiction or mental health issues.

5) All legal paperwork done and explained to children. POA, Will, Trust etc. Watch out against fraud, keep an eye on your credit report, don't have extra credit cards etc.

6) Does not matter if you financially help a kid more or less, BUT, you must divvy up your estate equally so that after your death there is no ill-will among your kids.

7) Keeo active, keep socially engaged, take care of your health, make full use of health benefits.

8) Have a team of people who can help with the care of your house, yard, cars, home security chores that can be outsourced.

9) Have systems in place so that you can age in place. That could be -
- CCTV inside, ring cam, Monitored alarm system
- Installing an ensuite bathroom in the main floor
- Having a suite on the main floor for attendent, in-laws
- Installing elevators if possible
- Installing a ramp for wheelchairs.

10) Being able to live in a elder community, group living, condo, or multigen household if needed and making the change earlier rather than later. Understand that retirement is not going to stationary living in one place and you just fade away. The retirement plans can never take into account the whole gamut of frequent and drastic changes in living situations that happen IRL.

11) Understand deeply that when you age physically, your senses and mind also ages and u will not be able to make the decisions that you can make when you are younger. Fear, confusion and paronoia sets in too. Make decisions for old age when you can still do it.

Savage.
Their mental health issues are likely due to something they experienced or went untreated under their parents care.

If that is the case, then the addict adult child with personality disorders is not in a position to help the parents in any case and feels anger and hatred towards them. In such a case, being estranged, gray rocking or cutting them off is good for both parties. I don't understand why you are so triggered? Your parents were mean to you? Then walk away. Why do you care about their money, home and assets? J

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Do a Swedish Death Cleanse before you are 62. Declutter and become minimalistic, even if you are going to age in place.

2) Sell off all real estate that requires your care and maintainence, except the one you are staying at. Unless the , the real estate is earning for you and can be easily maintained by you.

3) Help ALL the kids for the following. Priortize in this order.
- college,
- childcare,
- car,
- seed money for downpayment for business, wedding, home
to the best of your financial abilities so that they are independent and flourishing. They will be in a position to help you if you or your spouse need help. Practise Tough Love and cut off children if they have addiction or mental health issues.

4) Help your siblings with the above help if there is need and make sure they are independent and flourishing. This will make them partner in the care of your own elderly parents. Again, practise Tough Love if there is addiction or mental health issues.

5) All legal paperwork done and explained to children. POA, Will, Trust etc. Watch out against fraud, keep an eye on your credit report, don't have extra credit cards etc.

6) Does not matter if you financially help a kid more or less, BUT, you must divvy up your estate equally so that after your death there is no ill-will among your kids.

7) Keeo active, keep socially engaged, take care of your health, make full use of health benefits.

8) Have a team of people who can help with the care of your house, yard, cars, home security chores that can be outsourced.

9) Have systems in place so that you can age in place. That could be -
- CCTV inside, ring cam, Monitored alarm system
- Installing an ensuite bathroom in the main floor
- Having a suite on the main floor for attendent, in-laws
- Installing elevators if possible
- Installing a ramp for wheelchairs.

10) Being able to live in a elder community, group living, condo, or multigen household if needed and making the change earlier rather than later. Understand that retirement is not going to stationary living in one place and you just fade away. The retirement plans can never take into account the whole gamut of frequent and drastic changes in living situations that happen IRL.

11) Understand deeply that when you age physically, your senses and mind also ages and u will not be able to make the decisions that you can make when you are younger. Fear, confusion and paronoia sets in too. Make decisions for old age when you can still do it.

Savage.
Their mental health issues are likely due to something they experienced or went untreated under their parents care.

If that is the case, then the addict adult child with personality disorders is not in a position to help the parents in any case and feels anger and hatred towards them. In such a case, being estranged, gray rocking or cutting them off is good for both parties. I don't understand why you are so triggered? Your parents were mean to you? Then walk away. Why do you care about their money, home and assets? J

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Do a Swedish Death Cleanse before you are 62. Declutter and become minimalistic, even if you are going to age in place.

2) Sell off all real estate that requires your care and maintainence, except the one you are staying at. Unless the , the real estate is earning for you and can be easily maintained by you.

3) Help ALL the kids for the following. Priortize in this order.
- college,
- childcare,
- car,
- seed money for downpayment for business, wedding, home
to the best of your financial abilities so that they are independent and flourishing. They will be in a position to help you if you or your spouse need help. Practise Tough Love and cut off children if they have addiction or mental health issues.

4) Help your siblings with the above help if there is need and make sure they are independent and flourishing. This will make them partner in the care of your own elderly parents. Again, practise Tough Love if there is addiction or mental health issues.

5) All legal paperwork done and explained to children. POA, Will, Trust etc. Watch out against fraud, keep an eye on your credit report, don't have extra credit cards etc.

6) Does not matter if you financially help a kid more or less, BUT, you must divvy up your estate equally so that after your death there is no ill-will among your kids.

7) Keeo active, keep socially engaged, take care of your health, make full use of health benefits.

8) Have a team of people who can help with the care of your house, yard, cars, home security chores that can be outsourced.

9) Have systems in place so that you can age in place. That could be -
- CCTV inside, ring cam, Monitored alarm system
- Installing an ensuite bathroom in the main floor
- Having a suite on the main floor for attendent, in-laws
- Installing elevators if possible
- Installing a ramp for wheelchairs.

10) Being able to live in a elder community, group living, condo, or multigen household if needed and making the change earlier rather than later. Understand that retirement is not going to stationary living in one place and you just fade away. The retirement plans can never take into account the whole gamut of frequent and drastic changes in living situations that happen IRL.

11) Understand deeply that when you age physically, your senses and mind also ages and u will not be able to make the decisions that you can make when you are younger. Fear, confusion and paronoia sets in too. Make decisions for old age when you can still do it.

Savage.
Their mental health issues are likely due to something they experienced or went untreated under their parents care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Do a Swedish Death Cleanse before you are 62. Declutter and become minimalistic, even if you are going to age in place.

2) Sell off all real estate that requires your care and maintainence, except the one you are staying at. Unless the , the real estate is earning for you and can be easily maintained by you.

3) Help ALL the kids for the following. Priortize in this order.
- college,
- childcare,
- car,
- seed money for downpayment for business, wedding, home
to the best of your financial abilities so that they are independent and flourishing. They will be in a position to help you if you or your spouse need help. Practise Tough Love and cut off children if they have addiction or mental health issues.

4) Help your siblings with the above help if there is need and make sure they are independent and flourishing. This will make them partner in the care of your own elderly parents. Again, practise Tough Love if there is addiction or mental health issues.

5) All legal paperwork done and explained to children. POA, Will, Trust etc. Watch out against fraud, keep an eye on your credit report, don't have extra credit cards etc.

6) Does not matter if you financially help a kid more or less, BUT, you must divvy up your estate equally so that after your death there is no ill-will among your kids.

7) Keeo active, keep socially engaged, take care of your health, make full use of health benefits.

8) Have a team of people who can help with the care of your house, yard, cars, home security chores that can be outsourced.

9) Have systems in place so that you can age in place. That could be -
- CCTV inside, ring cam, Monitored alarm system
- Installing an ensuite bathroom in the main floor
- Having a suite on the main floor for attendent, in-laws
- Installing elevators if possible
- Installing a ramp for wheelchairs.

10) Being able to live in a elder community, group living, condo, or multigen household if needed and making the change earlier rather than later. Understand that retirement is not going to stationary living in one place and you just fade away. The retirement plans can never take into account the whole gamut of frequent and drastic changes in living situations that happen IRL.

11) Understand deeply that when you age physically, your senses and mind also ages and u will not be able to make the decisions that you can make when you are younger. Fear, confusion and paronoia sets in too. Make decisions for old age when you can still do it.

Savage.
Their mental health issues are likely due to something they experienced or went untreated under their parents care.

Anonymous wrote:1) Do a Swedish Death Cleanse before you are 62. Declutter and become minimalistic, even if you are going to age in place.

2) Sell off all real estate that requires your care and maintainence, except the one you are staying at. Unless the , the real estate is earning for you and can be easily maintained by you.

3) Help ALL the kids for the following. Priortize in this order.
- college,
- childcare,
- car,
- seed money for downpayment for business, wedding, home
to the best of your financial abilities so that they are independent and flourishing. They will be in a position to help you if you or your spouse need help. Practise Tough Love and cut off children if they have addiction or mental health issues.

4) Help your siblings with the above help if there is need and make sure they are independent and flourishing. This will make them partner in the care of your own elderly parents. Again, practise Tough Love if there is addiction or mental health issues.

5) All legal paperwork done and explained to children. POA, Will, Trust etc. Watch out against fraud, keep an eye on your credit report, don't have extra credit cards etc.

6) Does not matter if you financially help a kid more or less, BUT, you must divvy up your estate equally so that after your death there is no ill-will among your kids.

7) Keeo active, keep socially engaged, take care of your health, make full use of health benefits.

8) Have a team of people who can help with the care of your house, yard, cars, home security chores that can be outsourced.

9) Have systems in place so that you can age in place. That could be -
- CCTV inside, ring cam, Monitored alarm system
- Installing an ensuite bathroom in the main floor
- Having a suite on the main floor for attendent, in-laws
- Installing elevators if possible
- Installing a ramp for wheelchairs.

10) Being able to live in a elder community, group living, condo, or multigen household if needed and making the change earlier rather than later. Understand that retirement is not going to stationary living in one place and you just fade away. The retirement plans can never take into account the whole gamut of frequent and drastic changes in living situations that happen IRL.

11) Understand deeply that when you age physically, your senses and mind also ages and u will not be able to make the decisions that you can make when you are younger. Fear, confusion and paronoia sets in too. Make decisions for old age when you can still do it.