Anonymous
09/09/2024 22:06
Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:I think Rachel Bailey would help you. I mentioned her in this thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1175698.page#26471976
Specifically the trigger idea I talked about for you (you're worried about being late, her future, ruining everyone's day, etc., which is not helping--you need a different true story to tell your brain) but also joint problem solving (not during the meltdown), Rachel's concept of "yuck" which your child is in about her hair. She needs to travel the "yuck curve" and can't respond to rationality during the yuck, like someone else mentioned.
She has a podcast if you're looking for free stuff and also various paid programs. You can probably Google FPCS parent resource center and her name and find a YouTube video training to get an idea of her stuff. It took me a while to start to think her way, but it really does help.
I was going to write the same. The more recent podcasts are more like mini commercials//still helpful, but not as good as her earlier podcasts. They will teach you how to handle you (which I still do not so perfectly and with which my husband often disagrees). But if you can handle you//part of which is understanding what’s going on in your kid’s brain—you can actually have the bandwidth to help manage the problem, which is going to take a long time. Hang there//and you are NOT the crazy one.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 21:58
Subject: Re:This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op here - the reason our therapist hasn’t indicated it was ADHD is that DD has no trouble concentrating. She does great and school, comes home and immediately does her homework, has never once not studied for a test, is very organized. Not sure if that is just masking a problem or not.
Will look into the SPACE therapy.
Is she intelligent? School may just be easy - ADHD will show up more as school gets harder. When you can do your homework easily you don’t need to command much of your executive function. Then later, you hit high school and have no study skills.
This isn’t how ADHD works …
Yeah it is and it’s why many high achieving girls aren’t diagnosed
you cannot be diagnosed with a disorder if you meet literally zero of the criteria for said disorder. thank you for coming ti my ted talk.
You seem to have misunderstood the comments. OP has ruled out ADHD based on feedback from her therapist. She should revisit that when school gets harder, if issues persist or worsen, as that is when her child would start to struggle. This is true for many girls with ADHD. And for those girls, it later becomes obvious that they were only appearing “organized” because there wasn’t much to organize in the first place. Life gets more and more complex. Don’t rule out a diagnosis forever, is the point, especially one that often goes hand in hand with other diagnoses being considered.
OP literally said her child is very focused and organized with no academic issues. I’m not sure what else could convince people who see ADHD everywhere. It’s nonsensical.
There are plenty of children who appear focused and organized and are later diagnosed with ADHD. Particularly high IQ kids. It’s a good thing to be aware of and know the possibility is there. Sorry if it contradicts your pet peeve
Anonymous
09/09/2024 20:41
Subject: Re:This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut and get the neuropsych. Pediatricians and therapists are not trained to diagnose. You know what you see.
This. Ours is the same and the school found her to have enough of an emotional disability that she now has a iep. Same age and we’ve easily experienced the scenario you shared. It’s exhausting.
There is a bit more to it for us with some social interactions being anxiety producing/explosive. Our psychiatrist prescribed adhd/anxiety meds. One for am one for pm and it’s helped some. Also therapy.
Thankfully our school system did the bulk of the testing and we got results to doc. It’s not officially neuropsych, but enough info was there.
Wishing you peace.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 20:33
Subject: Re:This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op here - the reason our therapist hasn’t indicated it was ADHD is that DD has no trouble concentrating. She does great and school, comes home and immediately does her homework, has never once not studied for a test, is very organized. Not sure if that is just masking a problem or not.
Will look into the SPACE therapy.
Is she intelligent? School may just be easy - ADHD will show up more as school gets harder. When you can do your homework easily you don’t need to command much of your executive function. Then later, you hit high school and have no study skills.
This isn’t how ADHD works …
Yeah it is and it’s why many high achieving girls aren’t diagnosed
you cannot be diagnosed with a disorder if you meet literally zero of the criteria for said disorder. thank you for coming ti my ted talk.
You seem to have misunderstood the comments. OP has ruled out ADHD based on feedback from her therapist. She should revisit that when school gets harder, if issues persist or worsen, as that is when her child would start to struggle. This is true for many girls with ADHD. And for those girls, it later becomes obvious that they were only appearing “organized” because there wasn’t much to organize in the first place. Life gets more and more complex. Don’t rule out a diagnosis forever, is the point, especially one that often goes hand in hand with other diagnoses being considered.
OP literally said her child is very focused and organized with no academic issues. I’m not sure what else could convince people who see ADHD everywhere. It’s nonsensical.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 20:28
Subject: Re:This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op here - the reason our therapist hasn’t indicated it was ADHD is that DD has no trouble concentrating. She does great and school, comes home and immediately does her homework, has never once not studied for a test, is very organized. Not sure if that is just masking a problem or not.
Will look into the SPACE therapy.
Is she intelligent? School may just be easy - ADHD will show up more as school gets harder. When you can do your homework easily you don’t need to command much of your executive function. Then later, you hit high school and have no study skills.
This isn’t how ADHD works …
Yeah it is and it’s why many high achieving girls aren’t diagnosed
you cannot be diagnosed with a disorder if you meet literally zero of the criteria for said disorder. thank you for coming ti my ted talk.
You seem to have misunderstood the comments. OP has ruled out ADHD based on feedback from her therapist. She should revisit that when school gets harder, if issues persist or worsen, as that is when her child would start to struggle. This is true for many girls with ADHD. And for those girls, it later becomes obvious that they were only appearing “organized” because there wasn’t much to organize in the first place. Life gets more and more complex. Don’t rule out a diagnosis forever, is the point, especially one that often goes hand in hand with other diagnoses being considered.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 20:14
Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This sounds like autism to me. My DC was similar and received an autism diagnosis. Could also be anxiety. With meds, my DC’s outbursts declined rapidly.
My child has high functioning autism. He has it everywhere he goes. It doesn’t disappear at school. He is a polite and respectful kid, but in elementary school he had a lot of difficulty making any friends and had occasional outbursts at school as well as at home.
None of his teachers would have described him as having “no issues.”
+1
Anonymous
09/09/2024 19:35
Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Honestly, this sounds like a more run-of-the-mill behaviorial/parenting issue.
You say in your OP that you tiptoe around her to avoid these outbursts. So she is basically rewarded for the behavior in that she gets what she wants? I am not saying it's conscious on her part but she may have undeveloped coping mechanisms as a result of the way you are dealing with these outbursts. Definitely would try some in-person therapy and look into the parenting resources mentioned.
You say in your OP that you tiptoe around her to avoid these outbursts. So she is basically rewarded for the behavior in that she gets what she wants? I am not saying it's conscious on her part but she may have undeveloped coping mechanisms as a result of the way you are dealing with these outbursts. Definitely would try some in-person therapy and look into the parenting resources mentioned.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 19:30
Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This sounds like autism to me. My DC was similar and received an autism diagnosis. Could also be anxiety. With meds, my DC’s outbursts declined rapidly.
My child has high functioning autism. He has it everywhere he goes. It doesn’t disappear at school. He is a polite and respectful kid, but in elementary school he had a lot of difficulty making any friends and had occasional outbursts at school as well as at home.
None of his teachers would have described him as having “no issues.”
NP. But many children with low support needs autism have no or few problems at school, especially girls. It’s called masking. So yes, of course they have autism wherever they are, but it might look very different in different environments.
Get the neuropsych OP. Always get the neuropsych. What you’re describing could be just anxiety. Or maybe not. Why not figure that out?
If the outbursts are frequent enough, try medication.
What are you talking about?
The diagnosis requires deficits in social functioning across multiple contexts AND clinically significant impairment in functioning.
School is where kids socialize and where they get most of their important work done. Of course autism symptoms would show up there if you were looking for them.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 19:00
Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This sounds like autism to me. My DC was similar and received an autism diagnosis. Could also be anxiety. With meds, my DC’s outbursts declined rapidly.
My child has high functioning autism. He has it everywhere he goes. It doesn’t disappear at school. He is a polite and respectful kid, but in elementary school he had a lot of difficulty making any friends and had occasional outbursts at school as well as at home.
None of his teachers would have described him as having “no issues.”
NP. But many children with low support needs autism have no or few problems at school, especially girls. It’s called masking. So yes, of course they have autism wherever they are, but it might look very different in different environments.
Get the neuropsych OP. Always get the neuropsych. What you’re describing could be just anxiety. Or maybe not. Why not figure that out?
If the outbursts are frequent enough, try medication.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 18:38
Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:This sounds like autism to me. My DC was similar and received an autism diagnosis. Could also be anxiety. With meds, my DC’s outbursts declined rapidly.
My child has high functioning autism. He has it everywhere he goes. It doesn’t disappear at school. He is a polite and respectful kid, but in elementary school he had a lot of difficulty making any friends and had occasional outbursts at school as well as at home.
None of his teachers would have described him as having “no issues.”
Anonymous
09/09/2024 18:31
Subject: Re:This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op here - the reason our therapist hasn’t indicated it was ADHD is that DD has no trouble concentrating. She does great and school, comes home and immediately does her homework, has never once not studied for a test, is very organized. Not sure if that is just masking a problem or not.
Will look into the SPACE therapy.
Is she intelligent? School may just be easy - ADHD will show up more as school gets harder. When you can do your homework easily you don’t need to command much of your executive function. Then later, you hit high school and have no study skills.
This isn’t how ADHD works …
Yeah it is and it’s why many high achieving girls aren’t diagnosed
They aren’t diagnosed because their symptoms don’t cause problems for other people, so they are missed or ignored. Not because they have no symptoms.
Ok you’re right - ADHD, a disease of focus and attention, can be totally invisible and be present in a child that gets good grades and is described by their parent as very focused and organized 🤡
Hey. I’m on your side here.
ADHD is missed in girls who have trouble with attention and focus because the girls aren’t hyperactive.
OP’s daughter doesn’t have any symptoms.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 17:52
Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Early diagnosis of anxiety is often a stop on the way to an autism diagnosis.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 17:49
Subject: Re:This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op here - the reason our therapist hasn’t indicated it was ADHD is that DD has no trouble concentrating. She does great and school, comes home and immediately does her homework, has never once not studied for a test, is very organized. Not sure if that is just masking a problem or not.
Will look into the SPACE therapy.
Is she intelligent? School may just be easy - ADHD will show up more as school gets harder. When you can do your homework easily you don’t need to command much of your executive function. Then later, you hit high school and have no study skills.
This isn’t how ADHD works …
Yeah it is and it’s why many high achieving girls aren’t diagnosed
They aren’t diagnosed because their symptoms don’t cause problems for other people, so they are missed or ignored. Not because they have no symptoms.
Ok you’re right - ADHD, a disease of focus and attention, can be totally invisible and be present in a child that gets good grades and is described by their parent as very focused and organized 🤡
Anonymous
09/09/2024 17:47
Subject: Re:This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut and get the neuropsych. Pediatricians and therapists are not trained to diagnose. You know what you see.
Yes they are trained to diagnose. But a neuropsych takes 6months/year and provides zero therapy. Save the time and money and go straight to therapy.
No. The pediatrician can’t diagnose what’s going on here.
OP says they’ve been doing therapy and it’s not helping. That means they need to do more, not less.
OP, while you work on getting a neuropsych, see if you can get a referral to a psychiatrist from your pediatrician. Your daughter may need anti anxiety meds, or other meds to help her.
My son was a lot like this (exhausting to parent but perfect at school), and he has ASD. Diagnosed at 11 because no one would listen to me before then.
that “more” is better therapy. she hasn’t been getting appropriate therapy for anxiety or parenting support. it’s malpractice to recommend sitting around waiting for a “neuropsych” opening when she should be accessing better therapy.
Anonymous
09/09/2024 17:46
Subject: This isn't normal is it?
This sounds like autism to me. My DC was similar and received an autism diagnosis. Could also be anxiety. With meds, my DC’s outbursts declined rapidly.