Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for some parents. It is really hard to be a parent. If you do your job correctly, you raise a kid that doesn’t need you.

I can see why some people struggle with their children not needing them. Especially when they based their whole identity on it. Those “mama bear” ladies don’t have much else going on. I mean how many “live, laugh, love” signs can you make with your cricut?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m seeing lots of parents on FB posting first day of college pics this year, some of them even holding up signs like they did in elementary school. Not the drop-off pictures, mind you. But, like, first day of class. Had never seen this before, but I’ve seen several in the last week. These poor kids. Just let them be.

Was the parent taking the picture, or sharing a picture the student sent?

Plenty of people have their kid send them a photo. I think it's cute. Especially since most who do that have been doing it since preschool. I have a friend with 4 kids---oldest is 29, youngest is 13. Preschool thru 12th grade she has always posted a first day of school. If the college kids sent her one, she posts it as well.
This is someone who is not a helicopter, and doesn't post much on FB, but it's a family tradition for them. Her College junior sent one and she posted that.

Anonymous wrote:This has been happening for a decade. I used to work in a University. The big shift in parental involvement ramped up when tuition skyrocketed. To parents, this is one of the largest financial investments they will make. The more expensive college gets, the more parents expect.

Housing at some schools is a real issue so more parents with means are buying investment condos or houses. Honestly, if DS ends up going to the school in the city we are looking to retire in we will likely buy our retirement house before we need it and let him live there or buy one with an ADU / space for ADU and work remotely/ commute back. It would save around 40 K a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I meet our high schoolers' teachers at open house and tell them they won't hear from me or see me again unless our kid is super struggling/failing and I need some feedback to support kid behind the scenes at home. If our kid is getting a passing in your class, I won't bother you for a teacher conference -- e.g., we're all good. Our student will do all speaking to you themselves about homework, assignments, tests, retakes, etc. I'm behind the scenes at home, only, so our kid learns resilience and how to speak up for themselves.

It's clear I am a rarity as a parent.

Good job. I'm Gen X and this used to be the norm. My neighbor's child just moved back home after failing out of freshman year of college so I'm taking notes on what not to do. They definitely need to hone these skills and gain some independence before college.

Uh, I failed out of college my freshman year and moved back in with my parents. Where on earth would I have otherwise gone? They supported me financially and emotionally through the next semester, when I was ready to return.

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be more of an SEC football thing than a helicopter thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I meet our high schoolers' teachers at open house and tell them they won't hear from me or see me again unless our kid is super struggling/failing and I need some feedback to support kid behind the scenes at home. If our kid is getting a passing in your class, I won't bother you for a teacher conference -- e.g., we're all good. Our student will do all speaking to you themselves about homework, assignments, tests, retakes, etc. I'm behind the scenes at home, only, so our kid learns resilience and how to speak up for themselves.

It's clear I am a rarity as a parent.

Good job. I'm Gen X and this used to be the norm. My neighbor's child just moved back home after failing out of freshman year of college so I'm taking notes on what not to do. They definitely need to hone these skills and gain some independence before college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about parenting is that it’s the parents fundamental right to parent the way they see fit. No one needs to do it the op’s preferred way or anyone else’s.

You have that right. But don't complain to society when your kid has "failed to launch" on a normal schedule. If you do everything for them all their lives, they won't develop resilience and the ability to do it themselves, or how to deal with not getting everything they want.

Nobody wants to work with someone like that---they wont' get a job, and if they do, they won't last very long. So unless your kid has serious ND/Anxiety/learning issues, you are not helping them. Unless your goal is to have them living in your basement and working at McD at age 30, despite having gone to college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As to the parent Facebook groups, those are quite helpful sometimes and enormously entertaining always.

Some universities are so large and such unhelpful bureaucracies that it is the only way for your student to find their way through the maze. Parent groups also can help to hold the universities accountable - guess what, students do fall through the cracks.

But at least university has had students outing other students’ parents who were asking true helicopter questions so beware.

The only way? Really? A mom posting on Facebook asking how her DD can get a better rooomate? I disagree.

I.m talking more about things like “when should my DD study abroad if she is an engineering student? If she wants to change majors, should she take Calc 1? Or “did Dorm have mold a few years ago? How did the college manage COVID?” Sometimes the groups are really helpful. I like it when the helicopters SHARE information that they have learned!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m seeing lots of parents on FB posting first day of college pics this year, some of them even holding up signs like they did in elementary school. Not the drop-off pictures, mind you. But, like, first day of class. Had never seen this before, but I’ve seen several in the last week. These poor kids. Just let them be.

Was the parent taking the picture, or sharing a picture the student sent?

Good question. I guess they must be sharing pics from kids, but I’m not sure that makes it any better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about parenting is that it’s the parents fundamental right to parent the way they see fit. No one needs to do it the op’s preferred way or anyone else’s.

You have that right. But don't complain to society when your kid has "failed to launch" on a normal schedule. If you do everything for them all their lives, they won't develop resilience and the ability to do it themselves, or how to deal with not getting everything they want.

Nobody wants to work with someone like that---they wont' get a job, and if they do, they won't last very long. So unless your kid has serious ND/Anxiety/learning issues, you are not helping them. Unless your goal is to have them living in your basement and working at McD at age 30, despite having gone to college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m seeing lots of parents on FB posting first day of college pics this year, some of them even holding up signs like they did in elementary school. Not the drop-off pictures, mind you. But, like, first day of class. Had never seen this before, but I’ve seen several in the last week. These poor kids. Just let them be.

Was the parent taking the picture, or sharing a picture the student sent?

Anonymous wrote:The thing about parenting is that it’s the parents fundamental right to parent the way they see fit. No one needs to do it the op’s preferred way or anyone else’s.

Anonymous wrote:I meet our high schoolers' teachers at open house and tell them they won't hear from me or see me again unless our kid is super struggling/failing and I need some feedback to support kid behind the scenes at home. If our kid is getting a passing in your class, I won't bother you for a teacher conference -- e.g., we're all good. Our student will do all speaking to you themselves about homework, assignments, tests, retakes, etc. I'm behind the scenes at home, only, so our kid learns resilience and how to speak up for themselves.

It's clear I am a rarity as a parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw some wild stuff when DD was in high school. Pay to play private theater groups, kids demanding roles in high school productions and quitting if they didn’t get the role. Parents stomping down to the school to complain. Same things in sports. Getting accommodations for tests when not really necessary.

Fast forward - these are the kids not getting jobs etc.

Obviously---unless they land a position thru their parental connections

MS/HS is the time to start teaching your kid to be independent (well ES is the start). By MS we let our kids start handling many issues at school. If they tried and teacher/staff wasn't responsive, then we would step in if appropriate (ie. the teacher isn't allowing them to use the bathroom as needed or teacher refuses to call on them in class yet participation is 25% of the grade, type of things). But not for "my kid didn't get first chair orchestra" or "my kid deserves the lead role " or "my kid is at a 92.9999, why can't you round to an A"

So basically if you do that in MS/HS, by the time they leave for college they are already "mostly independent" young adults who know how to advocate for themselves, even in difficult situations.

I had 2 times in HS I had to step in for my kids. And one involved the crazy PE department at our HS, who forced kids to run hard 2x/week and your grade was fully based on how well you did (we had kids with broken legs during the semester 5K, kids vomiting while being yelled at by the PE teachers, etc.....beyond ridiculous teacher behavior)---I stepped in when my kid asked me to. Ultimately I didn't get far, but did negotiate something acceptable for our family. it took 2 more years before real changes finally happened, so there was no way my own kid could advocate with that level of crazy