Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 11:30     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
I asked for simplicity. No meals, no gifts. I am still in bed, watching movies, had breakfast in bed and will take a walk later. Teens are sleeping in. Last night took myself out to dinner and laughed with a girlfriend. Perfection. I guess? Since I know anything outside today would be miserable and I really do not want a crummy gift. It would have been nice if the kids had made me something but they are teens and gave me really nice hugs.

OP and anyone else: I am sorry your partners fail you. It is not that hard to do things in advance & I am not sure why most men cannot seem to do so.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 11:28     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:I asked my mom if she wanted to go for a nice lunch today as she knew tomorrow I couldn’t do anything because of kids sports (I’m single and kids play club sports so we aren’t even in our home state tomorrow). She brought my Dad and his brother without asking. $230 for lunch.


That’s tough. I’d be ticked.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 11:28     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband got soooo close and fumbled the ball. I was traveling for work last week so I expected nothing beyond a "happy mother's day" because it's unreasonable to ask him to plan more stuff while solo parenting. He got some kind of potted plant that was on the table when I got home Friday, which was nice. He said he hadn't gotten the kids to make cards and I said that's OK, he had enough on his plate.

Then this morning they all just...forgot. I said multiple times "hey guys we have to call Grandma to say happy mother's day before church," "get ready to call Grandma for mother's day now," etc., and not one of them made the connection. Literally just listen to the words I'm saying, think "oh it's mother's day?" and say it to me. NOPE. I had to tell my husband to teach his kids that. And I am still sulking that this grown man in his 40s couldn't make that connection. Hope any future DILs I have are cool with skipping mother's day, because that's what my sons are learning.


From you. They are learning that FROM YOU. If they are young enough to need reminding, you remind them. Not passive aggressively, directly. “Hey guys, it’s Mother’s Day. It would make me feel so good to get a card and a special hug. Could you do that for me?”


Yeah I reminded them directly after that. I'm not mad at the kids, they're little. But if you think a grown man who is hearing his wife say "let's call Grandma to say happy mothers day," and whom I'd talked to just two days ago about what i got her for Mother's Day this weekend, shouldn't be expected to make that mental connection...I don't know what to tell you. I really don't.


I know what to tell you, and it’s the same thing any counselor, psychologist or relationship expert would tell you: open your mouth and communicate directly, like a mature adult. Hints and “expecting someone to make the connection” is not mature communication. Grow the hell up and tell him, directly, that while you are disappointed he hasn’t taken the reigns on Mother’s Day so far, there is still time for him to have the kids make cards and to order takeout for dinner.

Or enjoy your martyrdom. Your choice.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 11:26     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:My husband asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I asked for two things, to finalize our vacation plans and to go hiking. Instead I’m sitting home alone while he takes our daughter to buy something ON MOTHER’S DAY .


So what? You get to enjoy some time alone while your daughter buys you a gift. It’s not even noon. There is still plenty of time to do other things.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 11:24     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
DH didn’t get me anything and so far it’s like a regular Sunday. I am fine with that because there is no pressure on me to do anything for Father’s Day.

Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 11:13     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband got soooo close and fumbled the ball. I was traveling for work last week so I expected nothing beyond a "happy mother's day" because it's unreasonable to ask him to plan more stuff while solo parenting. He got some kind of potted plant that was on the table when I got home Friday, which was nice. He said he hadn't gotten the kids to make cards and I said that's OK, he had enough on his plate.

Then this morning they all just...forgot. I said multiple times "hey guys we have to call Grandma to say happy mother's day before church," "get ready to call Grandma for mother's day now," etc., and not one of them made the connection. Literally just listen to the words I'm saying, think "oh it's mother's day?" and say it to me. NOPE. I had to tell my husband to teach his kids that. And I am still sulking that this grown man in his 40s couldn't make that connection. Hope any future DILs I have are cool with skipping mother's day, because that's what my sons are learning.


From you. They are learning that FROM YOU. If they are young enough to need reminding, you remind them. Not passive aggressively, directly. “Hey guys, it’s Mother’s Day. It would make me feel so good to get a card and a special hug. Could you do that for me?”


Yeah I reminded them directly after that. I'm not mad at the kids, they're little. But if you think a grown man who is hearing his wife say "let's call Grandma to say happy mothers day," and whom I'd talked to just two days ago about what i got her for Mother's Day this weekend, shouldn't be expected to make that mental connection...I don't know what to tell you. I really don't.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 11:04     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Husbands aren’t great at this. Fortunately, preschool, kindergarten, and first grade teachers [b]usually are. I hope you get something adorable from your kids!!




Not OP here. “Usually are”, depending on the school’s environment. My kids’ preschool teacher did a phenomenal job, not the K and 1st grade teachers at the public school where they did horrendously.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 11:03     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
My husband asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I asked for two things, to finalize our vacation plans and to go hiking. Instead I’m sitting home alone while he takes our daughter to buy something ON MOTHER’S DAY .
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 10:57     Subject: Re:Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Happy Birthing Parent Day to all whose large gametes were fertilised resulting in small humans whose sex was assigned by doctors making mostly lucky guesses.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 10:57     Subject: Re:Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:Instead of bringing me a cup of coffee while in bed this morning at 7am my husband brought me a pitcher of mimosas and a Mother’s Day card. It was a very fun hour. Being empty nesters has its benefits!


We are playing golf together this afternoon and jokingly we bet for sexual favors. When I win he says it means he takes me out to dinner but the mimosas in bed idea sounds like a much better idea.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 10:56     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:The first thing my kid did is yell at me about not being able to find shorts. They realized it was Mother's Day and hadn't done anything so they were running around trying to make and write cards. I told them it's too late.


Ew, you are a bad mom if you told them it was “too late.”
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 10:55     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:My husband got soooo close and fumbled the ball. I was traveling for work last week so I expected nothing beyond a "happy mother's day" because it's unreasonable to ask him to plan more stuff while solo parenting. He got some kind of potted plant that was on the table when I got home Friday, which was nice. He said he hadn't gotten the kids to make cards and I said that's OK, he had enough on his plate.

Then this morning they all just...forgot. I said multiple times "hey guys we have to call Grandma to say happy mother's day before church," "get ready to call Grandma for mother's day now," etc., and not one of them made the connection. Literally just listen to the words I'm saying, think "oh it's mother's day?" and say it to me. NOPE. I had to tell my husband to teach his kids that. And I am still sulking that this grown man in his 40s couldn't make that connection. Hope any future DILs I have are cool with skipping mother's day, because that's what my sons are learning.


From you. They are learning that FROM YOU. If they are young enough to need reminding, you remind them. Not passive aggressively, directly. “Hey guys, it’s Mother’s Day. It would make me feel so good to get a card and a special hug. Could you do that for me?”
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 10:54     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
I love to read the moms who have been ignored and the ones who could have some empathy but instead just gloat about how great their lives are and tell the sad mothers that they suck. I'm sure that really makes them feel better. Empathy, friends. Try it. It might even make you feel better than putting people down does.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 10:54     Subject: Re:Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:All I asked my DH for was for him and the kids to help clean the house so I don’t have to do it by myself. Woke up to screaming kids outside my door (he told me he was letting me sleep in) and a disaster of a house. So I’m cleaning today.


You should have told kids and reminded DH to clean. But if you choose to be a martyr, your reward will be your martyrdom. Enjoy.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 10:53     Subject: Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t get these expectations for husband either, you are not his mother. It only makes sense if the husband also has demands for farther’s day, so it’s a reciprocal thing.


When the kids are too young to make plans on their own, the dad should step up. I do the same for Father’s Day but he usually doesn’t want to do anything except go to a park .


So it's really just husband and you doing each other a favor until the kids can do the plan themselves. In this case if you know your husband always want something so simple, shouldn't you adjust your expectations to the same level just so that it is fair to everyone?


If my DH had said “what do you want to do for Mother’s Day “ I probably would have suggested going to a park. He hasn’t asked. I always ask him at least a week before Father’s Day. The only reason I have a gift from our child is because she told him to take him to the hallmark store last week. I am about to order myself brunch.


It’s nice that your daughter made a gift happen for you. She’s old enough to honor you, clearly, so DH doesn’t need to do more than what DD is asking for assistance with. You have been acknowledged by your child on Mother’s Day. That’s nice.

If you want to go to the park, go. If you want to order food, order it. You have been acknowledged by your child. Now shut up with the whining.