Looool

I hate to say it OP, but I think its possible that he is trying to get you to shower because your ‘jayjay stanks, but he’s afraid to say it.

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldnt recommend having children with someone this rigid. He's pestering you, a grown adult, how horrible is he going to be to messy crazy children?

It's the rigidity that does it for me too, not just about showering. There's no way this doesn't manifest in other areas and I don't get along well with inflexible people, so he's a solid no for me. Kids with people like this is hard.

Agree.

OP, what’s you intimate time like? Does he go downtown? Does he even like being intimate?

OP here. We have daily sex and he always goes down on me. I have even asked him if I smell or something but he said no. He happily goes down on me each night before bed.

He loves being intimate. We are always kissing, cuddling, and just hugging and touching each other. We have a very playful and loving relationship.

Hold up. I find it VERY hard to believe that this man doesn't also shower after sex. C'mon now!

100%- there's no way the guy you've described would be okay going to sleep after sex, even with the morning shower.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. He also hates if I don’t make the bed because he loves a made bed. I’ve never dated a man that was this stringent with his hygiene. I do appreciate he takes care of his hygiene, but it’s a little extreme for me.

He’s not weird about sex or anything other than he just likes “showering the day away” as he says. He finds the hot water relaxes his body. Often times he doesn’t even really wash up except for his groin area and his face.

I don’t think I need a shower at 9pm if I showered after a workout at 6pm. I’m clean and don’t smell.

I don’t think he has OCD because he doesn’t have issues in other areas of his life. His just a little hygiene obsessed.

Honestly op, you sound dirty and lazy to me. I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here also.

He seems like an okay guy but you're incompatible long term best to move on

OP here. How am I dirty and lazy? I shower twice a day. We are both white Americans.

Np here you leave a bed unmade. Probably leave unwashed dishes in the sink. Just messy.

Actually in some countries it is considered more hygienic to leave a bed with the covers thrown back, to air the sheets. It’s quite insular to assume your way is the only way. Judge not lest ye be judged.

Sheets rolled back is not sheets rumpled and thrown about. We're not in those countries. You are messy and so is Op.

I love a neat and clean house, but making your bed is easily one of the dumbest practices ever invented, unless you live in a studio or loft apartment. It has no connection to hygiene. It's purely aesthetic, and barely even that since the next time you see your bed is probably when you'll be messing up the covers again to get back in.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He also hates if I don’t make the bed because he loves a made bed. I’ve never dated a man that was this stringent with his hygiene. I do appreciate he takes care of his hygiene, but it’s a little extreme for me.

He’s not weird about sex or anything other than he just likes “showering the day away” as he says. He finds the hot water relaxes his body. Often times he doesn’t even really wash up except for his groin area and his face.

I don’t think I need a shower at 9pm if I showered after a workout at 6pm. I’m clean and don’t smell.

I don’t think he has OCD because he doesn’t have issues in other areas of his life. His just a little hygiene obsessed.

Honestly op, you sound dirty and lazy to me. I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here also.

He seems like an okay guy but you're incompatible long term best to move on

OP here. How am I dirty and lazy? I shower twice a day. We are both white Americans.

Np here you leave a bed unmade. Probably leave unwashed dishes in the sink. Just messy.

Actually in some countries it is considered more hygienic to leave a bed with the covers thrown back, to air the sheets. It’s quite insular to assume your way is the only way. Judge not lest ye be judged.

Sheets rolled back is not sheets rumpled and thrown about. We're not in those countries. You are messy and so is Op.

I read the first few pages. The rest was TL;DR. But my takeaway is that the bf is indeed pretty controlling. It doesn't sound like he's saying that she smells or doesn't feel good to touch when she comes to bed without a shower. It sounds like his argument is: HE likes showering before bed because it makes HIM feel good, and so SHE has to the same. He might as well say, "I like chocolate ice cream best, and therefore my gf must also like chocolate ice cream best." I find that either really immature or psychologically disordered and definitely not something I would put up with. I fundamentally don't understand why his preference about how people should generally behave should override her preference about how she herself wants to behave when her preference doesn't seem to cause him any harm other than undermining either his excessive need for control or his apparent arrogance that he knows best.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He also hates if I don’t make the bed because he loves a made bed. I’ve never dated a man that was this stringent with his hygiene. I do appreciate he takes care of his hygiene, but it’s a little extreme for me.

He’s not weird about sex or anything other than he just likes “showering the day away” as he says. He finds the hot water relaxes his body. Often times he doesn’t even really wash up except for his groin area and his face.

I don’t think I need a shower at 9pm if I showered after a workout at 6pm. I’m clean and don’t smell.

I don’t think he has OCD because he doesn’t have issues in other areas of his life. His just a little hygiene obsessed.

Honestly op, you sound dirty and lazy to me. I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here also.

He seems like an okay guy but you're incompatible long term best to move on

OP here. How am I dirty and lazy? I shower twice a day. We are both white Americans.

Np here you leave a bed unmade. Probably leave unwashed dishes in the sink. Just messy.

Actually in some countries it is considered more hygienic to leave a bed with the covers thrown back, to air the sheets. It’s quite insular to assume your way is the only way. Judge not lest ye be judged.

It is more hygenic. Sun is a disinfectant. It sterilizes things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He also hates if I don’t make the bed because he loves a made bed. I’ve never dated a man that was this stringent with his hygiene. I do appreciate he takes care of his hygiene, but it’s a little extreme for me.

He’s not weird about sex or anything other than he just likes “showering the day away” as he says. He finds the hot water relaxes his body. Often times he doesn’t even really wash up except for his groin area and his face.

I don’t think I need a shower at 9pm if I showered after a workout at 6pm. I’m clean and don’t smell.

I don’t think he has OCD because he doesn’t have issues in other areas of his life. His just a little hygiene obsessed.

Honestly op, you sound dirty and lazy to me. I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here also.

He seems like an okay guy but you're incompatible long term best to move on

OP here. How am I dirty and lazy? I shower twice a day. We are both white Americans.

Np here you leave a bed unmade. Probably leave unwashed dishes in the sink. Just messy.

Actually in some countries it is considered more hygienic to leave a bed with the covers thrown back, to air the sheets. It’s quite insular to assume your way is the only way. Judge not lest ye be judged.

Anonymous wrote:I would ask how open he is to getting therapy for OCD. Do not have kids with him if he doesn’t seem open to treatment. Right now it’s just showers, but OCD gets worse, not better. Some day you may have a newborn who will spit up on you multiple times a day and you may not have the time or energy or desire to shower every day, much less multiple times a day. What if a sick toddler pukes on you in the middle of the night? Is he going to require a full shower before you can get back in bed?

+1 And he likely will expect her to clean that vomit up, and change the sheets, while she's also supposed to get the sick kid back to sleep. His fixations now don't bode well for his turning into a hands-on parent when parenting gets literally messy. OP will possibly end up handling every unpleasant or dirty aspect of parenting, while he wants to handle the fun stuff but not the midnight messes.

Sure, we're projecting into a future neither we nor OP can know yet, but she needs to think ahead and do some projecting of her own.

Anonymous wrote:How is he with dirty dishes in the sink?

Good question. I bet that if OP is willing to sit down and think through it, she's going to find that he is, at a minimum, incredibly set in his ways, and at worst, controlling, about a lot of other day-to-day things than just (1) showers and (2) bed-making. She should make an actual list and that might wake her up.

But since she only came back to be oddly defensive, I doubt she really wants to realize that this is about much bigger problems (control, passive-aggressive communicaton style, "pestering," possible OCD). I pity her and their kids, if she stays and they have children together. I hope she's not so eager to hang onto him and/or eager to have babies, that she can't see that life with kids is going to worsen his ways, not improve them.

How is he with dirty dishes in the sink?

Did you change those sheets today, OP? If not, why not?

I would ask how open he is to getting therapy for OCD. Do not have kids with him if he doesn’t seem open to treatment. Right now it’s just showers, but OCD gets worse, not better. Some day you may have a newborn who will spit up on you multiple times a day and you may not have the time or energy or desire to shower every day, much less multiple times a day. What if a sick toddler pukes on you in the middle of the night? Is he going to require a full shower before you can get back in bed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He also hates if I don’t make the bed because he loves a made bed. I’ve never dated a man that was this stringent with his hygiene. I do appreciate he takes care of his hygiene, but it’s a little extreme for me.

He’s not weird about sex or anything other than he just likes “showering the day away” as he says. He finds the hot water relaxes his body. Often times he doesn’t even really wash up except for his groin area and his face.

I don’t think I need a shower at 9pm if I showered after a workout at 6pm. I’m clean and don’t smell.

I don’t think he has OCD because he doesn’t have issues in other areas of his life. His just a little hygiene obsessed.

Honestly op, you sound dirty and lazy to me. I'm guessing there's some cultural differences at play here also.

He seems like an okay guy but you're incompatible long term best to move on

OP here. How am I dirty and lazy? I shower twice a day. We are both white Americans.

Np here you leave a bed unmade. Probably leave unwashed dishes in the sink. Just messy.

Anonymous wrote:Apparently OP just wants to hear herself talk.

Cool, 👍

+1! She has an answer for everything and actually sounds like an over the top shower-er herself.