Anonymous wrote:There is a very strong emphasis on safe sleep and car seats -- e.g. people being afraid to front face before 4, not being ok with baby sleeping even in strollers or swings.
I've seen pushback on some of these from non-American moms in international online moms' forums.

Yes, one of the better things that happened to me when my baby was still an infant is that I became friends with a mom through a mom's group who was Czech. She also had an older kid. At group, people would wring their hands about everything, especially regarding safe sleep. I went out for coffee with her after group one day and she was like, "just so you know, I co-sleep with my baby and did with my older kid too and it's totally fine and is what most people do in the rest of the world." She didn't feel comfortable saying it in group because people were really intense about it and had said several negative things about the dangers of co-sleeping. And not only do people freak out about the safety issues (which, as my friend explained, you can basically mitigate with safe sleep practices including not drinking and getting rid of excess bed clothes) but they also get convinced that co-sleeping will lead to kids who are totally dependent and never properly separate from moms.

It was eye opening for me and also helpful to hear her talk about other things that were different about attitudes between the US and where she was from. I didn't just suddenly start doing what she did (I actually never co-slept except when my baby was sick) but it was helpful to me to see a good, responsible mom who was just doing things differently than what "everyone" said you had to do. It made me realize that some of the conventional wisdom was just trends we were all following like lemmings, and I didn't have to.

I think the culture of motherhood and parenting in the DMV can be very stifling in certain corners, and the thing I notice the most is that a lot of moms seem scared of "doing it wrong" and getting called out or blamed for something that doesn't go perfectly for their kids. But parenting is never perfect. There are some obvious bright lines (don't hit kids, spend time with them, etc.) but there's a broad range of what works and what's good. You wouldn't think that walking into your average childbirth class or new parent group. There's just a lot of anxiety and fear.

Anonymous wrote:There is a very strong emphasis on safe sleep and car seats -- e.g. people being afraid to front face before 4, not being ok with baby sleeping even in strollers or swings.
I've seen pushback on some of these from non-American moms in international online moms' forums.

Oh that’s a good one. The car seat thing used to be that the hyper safety moms would give you grief about turning a kids seat forward facing before 2, but at 2 or later it was kind of “well they fulfilled the minimum so I guess it’s whatever.” Now they’ll call you out if you turn a kid before 4! And never, eeeeeever post a pic of your kid in a car seat. It will just never end well.

There is a very strong emphasis on safe sleep and car seats -- e.g. people being afraid to front face before 4, not being ok with baby sleeping even in strollers or swings.
I've seen pushback on some of these from non-American moms in international online moms' forums.

Wow this thread feels foreign to me and I had a baby in 2020. Honestly I was completely isolated from other parents. Because of COVID I had zero exposure to other Moms.

I've been infertile since then so no post-COVID Mom experiences.

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Anonymous wrote:• Instagram reels highlighting some counter cultural way to raise kids as a way to become an influencer seem to have replaced Facebook groups.
• a new parents group I was in through the hospital I delivered at had a large emphasis on the term “chest feeding” and reminding all participants that “mom” is an outdated and potentially hurtful term. (Honestly I’m pretty open minded but this group was too much for me)

+1. All the “chest-feeding” and “birthing parent” was enough for me to go “huh maybe those TERFs are on to something.”

Same. I am totally fine if someone who is trans uses those terms to refer to themselves, but the expectation that we are going to get rid of words like "mom" or "breastfeeding" to accommodate a teeny, tiny minority is insane. Especially because becoming a mom is still a challenging transition for many/most women and we still have a ton of misogyny around motherhood that women have to navigate, and not being able to use gendered terms to describe what is, for 99.9% of the population, a highly gendered experience, is ridiculous. I am happy to support trans people in ways that don't require me to erase/subsume my own gender and identity, especially when talking about deeply personal things involving my experience as a mom.

The point is not that no one should use terms like "pregnant persons," "birthing parent," or "chest-feeding." But forcing me to use them when I self-identify as a woman and mother with breasts is not okay. I don't have to change my own identity in order to validate someone else's identity. I can keep my identity while saying "and your identity is also a-ok with me" and that should be enough.

NP. I agree with you on many, many points, but be honest: when have you been *FORCED* to use those terms? You haven’t. Other people have used those terms in front of you; maybe they’ve even asked you to use those terms. But “forced”? Just no.

I have been forced. At my workplace, using the biologically inaccurate terms was official policy and you would be fired if you didn’t go along with it. This was an open, written policy. This is how this insidious stuff takes over. First it sounds nuts then it’s reality.

I’m sorry. This is such a misstep for our society.

I really doubt this pp’s experience is a common occurrence.

Also, where’s the hardship? We all have to use terms we think are dumb at work. I just don’t get why people get so upset about this. I don’t care about calling people the titles they want.

Has anyone mentioned the subculture around childbirth particularly for UMC women? There is a big push for “natural” births and fear of “cascade of interventions.” And generally a big desire to control the process (exemplified through “birthing plans” which women literally print and give to their nurses). I’m sympathetic bc birthing women have been mistreated for decades and childbirth can be traumatic, but I think the subculture does less to fight against that and more to set women up for disappointment/shame

I don't know why, but the term "sensory activity" for everything is super annoying to me. Like its just normal toddler activities.

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Anonymous wrote:• Instagram reels highlighting some counter cultural way to raise kids as a way to become an influencer seem to have replaced Facebook groups.
• a new parents group I was in through the hospital I delivered at had a large emphasis on the term “chest feeding” and reminding all participants that “mom” is an outdated and potentially hurtful term. (Honestly I’m pretty open minded but this group was too much for me)

+1. All the “chest-feeding” and “birthing parent” was enough for me to go “huh maybe those TERFs are on to something.”

Same. I am totally fine if someone who is trans uses those terms to refer to themselves, but the expectation that we are going to get rid of words like "mom" or "breastfeeding" to accommodate a teeny, tiny minority is insane. Especially because becoming a mom is still a challenging transition for many/most women and we still have a ton of misogyny around motherhood that women have to navigate, and not being able to use gendered terms to describe what is, for 99.9% of the population, a highly gendered experience, is ridiculous. I am happy to support trans people in ways that don't require me to erase/subsume my own gender and identity, especially when talking about deeply personal things involving my experience as a mom.

The point is not that no one should use terms like "pregnant persons," "birthing parent," or "chest-feeding." But forcing me to use them when I self-identify as a woman and mother with breasts is not okay. I don't have to change my own identity in order to validate someone else's identity. I can keep my identity while saying "and your identity is also a-ok with me" and that should be enough.

NP. I agree with you on many, many points, but be honest: when have you been *FORCED* to use those terms? You haven’t. Other people have used those terms in front of you; maybe they’ve even asked you to use those terms. But “forced”? Just no.

I have been forced. At my workplace, using the biologically inaccurate terms was official policy and you would be fired if you didn’t go along with it. This was an open, written policy. This is how this insidious stuff takes over. First it sounds nuts then it’s reality.

I’m sorry. This is such a misstep for our society.

I really doubt this pp’s experience is a common occurrence.

It is ubiquitous in certain industries. I’m glad you have no idea.

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Anonymous wrote:• Instagram reels highlighting some counter cultural way to raise kids as a way to become an influencer seem to have replaced Facebook groups.
• a new parents group I was in through the hospital I delivered at had a large emphasis on the term “chest feeding” and reminding all participants that “mom” is an outdated and potentially hurtful term. (Honestly I’m pretty open minded but this group was too much for me)

+1. All the “chest-feeding” and “birthing parent” was enough for me to go “huh maybe those TERFs are on to something.”

Same. I am totally fine if someone who is trans uses those terms to refer to themselves, but the expectation that we are going to get rid of words like "mom" or "breastfeeding" to accommodate a teeny, tiny minority is insane. Especially because becoming a mom is still a challenging transition for many/most women and we still have a ton of misogyny around motherhood that women have to navigate, and not being able to use gendered terms to describe what is, for 99.9% of the population, a highly gendered experience, is ridiculous. I am happy to support trans people in ways that don't require me to erase/subsume my own gender and identity, especially when talking about deeply personal things involving my experience as a mom.

The point is not that no one should use terms like "pregnant persons," "birthing parent," or "chest-feeding." But forcing me to use them when I self-identify as a woman and mother with breasts is not okay. I don't have to change my own identity in order to validate someone else's identity. I can keep my identity while saying "and your identity is also a-ok with me" and that should be enough.

NP. I agree with you on many, many points, but be honest: when have you been *FORCED* to use those terms? You haven’t. Other people have used those terms in front of you; maybe they’ve even asked you to use those terms. But “forced”? Just no.

I have been forced. At my workplace, using the biologically inaccurate terms was official policy and you would be fired if you didn’t go along with it. This was an open, written policy. This is how this insidious stuff takes over. First it sounds nuts then it’s reality.

biologically inaccurate?? do you understand the difference between sex and gender? fully embrace being a mama and breastfeeding but i think you're confused on what gender means

Hahaha. No. I’m not confused. I’m a gender critical feminist. Please look up what that means and why we object to gender ideology. I think gender is at best irrelevant and at worst oppressive. Sex is what matters, especially for women.

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Anonymous wrote:$200+ soccer classes for toddlers are The Worst IMO

Those break down to $25 per class and gets us out of the house for a few hours every Saturday morning. Trust me, I would pay $25 for someone to run my toddlers on the weekends we don't have soccer (or another activity) where I can sip my coffee while it's still warm.

Real question, not snark. Why can’t you just go to the playground? I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. Every Saturday we go to a coffee shop, get a bagel or pastry or something, and then we go to the playground. We’re all out of the house for a few hours and they love it.

np. This works well when you have kids that are relatively safe climbing on their own. I have one kid who needs very little supervision at the playground and has been very independent since 14-months or so. My second child is three and still needs close supervision. He climbs just as well as the first, but shows bad judgment on occasion. Falls are very infrequent, but often enough that we can't relax and drink coffee like we could with the first.

So this child participates in a class no prob while you have an hour to drink your coffee???

Anonymous wrote:Just curious!

My babies were born in 2010 and 2012, so I'm totally out of the loop!

For a blast from the past, here's what I remember rolling my eyes at a decade+ ago:

-New mom Facebook groups with names like "The private AWESOME mommy group <3"
-Packs of moms in yoga pants doing exercises with their strollers at places like the Mosaic District
-Strollers as status symbols (suspect this is still the name!)
-Grimey mall play areas being the #1 toddler attraction
-Mommy and me movies where people still shushed you if your baby was being loud
-Unsolicited advice from strangers at Target about your feeding choice, regardless of whether it was bottle or breast
-Competition from other moms about who could breastfeed the longest (especially without supplementing)

Hmm, my babies were born in 2018, 2021 and 2023 and I'd argue these are still really annoying.... now it's just all over INstagram

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:• Instagram reels highlighting some counter cultural way to raise kids as a way to become an influencer seem to have replaced Facebook groups.
• a new parents group I was in through the hospital I delivered at had a large emphasis on the term “chest feeding” and reminding all participants that “mom” is an outdated and potentially hurtful term. (Honestly I’m pretty open minded but this group was too much for me)

+1. All the “chest-feeding” and “birthing parent” was enough for me to go “huh maybe those TERFs are on to something.”

Same. I am totally fine if someone who is trans uses those terms to refer to themselves, but the expectation that we are going to get rid of words like "mom" or "breastfeeding" to accommodate a teeny, tiny minority is insane. Especially because becoming a mom is still a challenging transition for many/most women and we still have a ton of misogyny around motherhood that women have to navigate, and not being able to use gendered terms to describe what is, for 99.9% of the population, a highly gendered experience, is ridiculous. I am happy to support trans people in ways that don't require me to erase/subsume my own gender and identity, especially when talking about deeply personal things involving my experience as a mom.

The point is not that no one should use terms like "pregnant persons," "birthing parent," or "chest-feeding." But forcing me to use them when I self-identify as a woman and mother with breasts is not okay. I don't have to change my own identity in order to validate someone else's identity. I can keep my identity while saying "and your identity is also a-ok with me" and that should be enough.

NP. I agree with you on many, many points, but be honest: when have you been *FORCED* to use those terms? You haven’t. Other people have used those terms in front of you; maybe they’ve even asked you to use those terms. But “forced”? Just no.

I have been forced. At my workplace, using the biologically inaccurate terms was official policy and you would be fired if you didn’t go along with it. This was an open, written policy. This is how this insidious stuff takes over. First it sounds nuts then it’s reality.

I’m sorry. This is such a misstep for our society.

I really doubt this pp’s experience is a common occurrence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:• Instagram reels highlighting some counter cultural way to raise kids as a way to become an influencer seem to have replaced Facebook groups.
• a new parents group I was in through the hospital I delivered at had a large emphasis on the term “chest feeding” and reminding all participants that “mom” is an outdated and potentially hurtful term. (Honestly I’m pretty open minded but this group was too much for me)

+1. All the “chest-feeding” and “birthing parent” was enough for me to go “huh maybe those TERFs are on to something.”

Same. I am totally fine if someone who is trans uses those terms to refer to themselves, but the expectation that we are going to get rid of words like "mom" or "breastfeeding" to accommodate a teeny, tiny minority is insane. Especially because becoming a mom is still a challenging transition for many/most women and we still have a ton of misogyny around motherhood that women have to navigate, and not being able to use gendered terms to describe what is, for 99.9% of the population, a highly gendered experience, is ridiculous. I am happy to support trans people in ways that don't require me to erase/subsume my own gender and identity, especially when talking about deeply personal things involving my experience as a mom.

The point is not that no one should use terms like "pregnant persons," "birthing parent," or "chest-feeding." But forcing me to use them when I self-identify as a woman and mother with breasts is not okay. I don't have to change my own identity in order to validate someone else's identity. I can keep my identity while saying "and your identity is also a-ok with me" and that should be enough.

This

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:• Instagram reels highlighting some counter cultural way to raise kids as a way to become an influencer seem to have replaced Facebook groups.
• a new parents group I was in through the hospital I delivered at had a large emphasis on the term “chest feeding” and reminding all participants that “mom” is an outdated and potentially hurtful term. (Honestly I’m pretty open minded but this group was too much for me)

+1. All the “chest-feeding” and “birthing parent” was enough for me to go “huh maybe those TERFs are on to something.”

Same. I am totally fine if someone who is trans uses those terms to refer to themselves, but the expectation that we are going to get rid of words like "mom" or "breastfeeding" to accommodate a teeny, tiny minority is insane. Especially because becoming a mom is still a challenging transition for many/most women and we still have a ton of misogyny around motherhood that women have to navigate, and not being able to use gendered terms to describe what is, for 99.9% of the population, a highly gendered experience, is ridiculous. I am happy to support trans people in ways that don't require me to erase/subsume my own gender and identity, especially when talking about deeply personal things involving my experience as a mom.

The point is not that no one should use terms like "pregnant persons," "birthing parent," or "chest-feeding." But forcing me to use them when I self-identify as a woman and mother with breasts is not okay. I don't have to change my own identity in order to validate someone else's identity. I can keep my identity while saying "and your identity is also a-ok with me" and that should be enough.

NP. I agree with you on many, many points, but be honest: when have you been *FORCED* to use those terms? You haven’t. Other people have used those terms in front of you; maybe they’ve even asked you to use those terms. But “forced”? Just no.

I have been forced. At my workplace, using the biologically inaccurate terms was official policy and you would be fired if you didn’t go along with it. This was an open, written policy. This is how this insidious stuff takes over. First it sounds nuts then it’s reality.

biologically inaccurate?? do you understand the difference between sex and gender? fully embrace being a mama and breastfeeding but i think you're confused on what gender means

Anonymous wrote:Solid Starts and baby led weaning (AKA bragging about feeding choking hazards with zero studies to prove there are long term benefits)

Gentle parenting

Hah. Baby led weaning is so absurd it has recipes with the banana in a peel and dark meat chicken on the bone. No one gives a dog chicken wings...https://www.yummytoddlerfood.com/first-foods-for-baby/

If they do manage to glom off a piece of a carrot then how is it not a choking hazard? My kids are now adults and this baby led weaning is just crazy. Decades ago we joked about mad lactators - today one still gets some whose kids might be in failure to thrive or near it because they won't give formula.