My DC moved to a big city for a sales job with a low base salary (around $45). DC lives with 2 roommates and pays about $1,100/month in rent. Base salary was low 40s so I helped for the first year (about $400 a month). Year two they are making closer to 80 K and self sufficient. It would have been really tough to make the position work without our help but they worked hard and will probably hit close to 100 K after year 2.

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

DP: The vast majority of people don't have high-powered careers nor start companies whether they get parental support or not. People who have that temperament, desire and skillset do that regardless.

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather we each pay more than keep tethered-together on a cell phone plan.

Why?

The only impact to me is my cell bill is slightly higher each month. I don't check on their call log or anything like that. It's simply a financial benefit---why would you want to overpay just so your kids can have their own cell phone account? Our entire family (grandparents, us and kids) are all on the same plan...saves over $200/month.

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off.

I'd rather we each pay more than keep tethered-together on a cell phone plan.

Anonymous wrote:My parents still pay my cell phone bill 😂. I am in my 30s.

It's financially smart choice 99% of the time.

I pay for my parents cell phones and our kids. it's much better price to have them on our plan than for everyone to go separate. So we take the cheaper option

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Anonymous wrote:Our DC26 is completely independent, no help from us.

DC2 is 23 and we pay for her cellphone and health insurance (on my employer plan). Nothing else. She earns $70K/year.

Congratulations! You raised fiscally responsible people. My college senior has a great job offer starting in August and I am planning on keeping him on our medical, cell phone and pay one more year of car insurance.

Personally, until our kids get married/long term committed relationship, we will keep them on our cell phone plan. It's much cheaper to add them as extra lines on our plan than for them to be on an individual plan. It's just fiscally smart decision. Same for health insurance. We pay same for employee + spouse as we do for E+S+all kids. So it costs us nothing for them to stay on our plan. They all take their own health insurance at their jobs as primary and use ours as secondary.

I'm glad DD mentioned this, and upon hearing this we jumped at the chance to pay, to help make this happen: there was an internship in her field at Yale and few in her cohort were applying because of the cost of parking! Talk about not seeing the forest through the trees! Parking was as much as $20/day, for the safe/closer (imho necessary) option, so significant money.

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

Really, really not. I can offer a much smoother transition for my child and there is nothing wrong with that.

I know someone like you. Not one of their kids is a fully independent adult. Parents pay for almost everything because they are used to their parent's lifestyle, and want it as adults. Because parents didn't want their kids to struggle like they did, the started it in the early years. And here the kids are in their 40s still dependent on mom and dad.

Well I know over 10 kids whose parents help them (we are rich and so are many of our friends). All of those kids, including our 3, are fully functioning adults. All are "living within their means" based on their own income as adults. That means they can afford their rent and daily expenses. The main difference is that these kids are fully saving for retirement and building their non-retirement investments as well and they take fancier vacations (with family and with their friends at times). None of them are struggling to fully adult. If they didn't have the extra funding, they would simply save less. Also all are in great jobs and getting promotions and moving up in their careers. The extra help (if you raise your kids right) just means they know they can take more risks because they have a safety net in place and are not stressed about finances (no student loans, most got a car for college graduation).
These kids are 22-30ish and none are "dependent on mom and dad"

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

Ding dong it's not suffering...it's called doing it on your own. Fly...be free. This is PP btw. The enabling culture of parents these days is crippling to kids.

You can justify being nasty however you need in order to be able to sleep at night. I'll do whatever I want with my money and my kid will be better off for it.

OMG it's not being nasty by any means....My son is in college and knows he can come home at any time. Any time..but literally babying your kids into literal middle-aged-hood is ridiculous. They should not be living off of you when they are are 26/27 years old. If they are you have failed as a parent to teach them to be self sufficient. Period. I don't care about college or not. That's not the point. They need to be able to take care of [mastodon]themselves[/mastodon]. If that is not apparent at 22/23 then seriuously then you need to take a better look at your parenting

DP: My Kids can "take care of themselves" just fine. Have good jobs and chose a place to live that they can fully support themselves. However we choose to gift them $$$ yearly. Why? So they save more. Kids live fairly frugally and save a lot. One kid is driving a 11 yo car, and sees no reason to get a new one because it's under 100K and still going strong with no issues.
We would have estate tax issues with the Current 13.2M per adult already, it will be worse as that grows. Yes we have trusts in place to avoid that, but the simplest way is to gift NOW up to the max allowed per year.
We like to supplement their lives. That doesn't mean it stunts them at all. Just means they don't have to stress about money. They still are giving 120% at their job, and select where to live based on their own income. They can afford all of that and still save for retirement and a downpayment (even though they know that will be gifted when they are ready).

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone, I am asking from a financial planning perspective as our kids will be graduating high school soon. I know it depends on the kid/degree/their job/location etc but wanted to get a general sense of what others end up doing.

What others are doing likely depends upon how much money they have. If the parents have millions saved for retirement, then they might as well start the wealth transfer process early.

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

Yup! Do not understand how poorly people have raised their kids if they believe "helping their adult kids" will make them lazy and worthless people.
We worked hard, we are rich, our kids have worked hard and have found their path in life and doing well. But we sure as hell will help them as long as they are motivated and doing well in life (ie they can't just quit their job and play video games or spend the day shopping/dining out, they have to have a job). Our kids get "gifts" from us. They still work hard, they still save, they still are frugal (relatively speaking) and don't just waste money. They can function completely on their own, but we are worth millions. They will eventually get some of that, why not let it be now while it makes the largest impact? If we can make their lives easier, why not? They know they can always take a job they love, even if it pays a bit less. They know (when they get married and have kids) they can choose to take Parental leave or have a SAHP or can afford to live closer to their jobs so they don't each waste 1-2 hours commuting--that means more meaningful family time with our grandkids. They know education will be funded for the grandkids (or themselves if they choose to do an advanced degree at some point).

In reality, those who complain about it are most likely just jealous that they didn't have that happen and/or that they cannot provide the same for their kids.
We grew up poor, we didn't have any of that. But it sure would have been nice to not have student loans out the wazzoo and to get to have a bit more fun in college because you actually had spending money and didn't have to work 10-15 hours per week just to pay the bills.

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about this as well. My son graduated last May from a top school and got a job paying $78K a year that he started in September. He's currently living at home to save some money. Lots of his co-workers (similar jobs, same experience) have apartments in Clarendon and Dupont. I just don't know how these kids afford it and still have a social life. My son, granted, is putting a lot of money away. He would really like to buy a condo vs. pay rent, but interest rates are too high right now. I do wonder how many of these kids with their own apartments are getting help from parents. We could easily afford to help him, but I'm not quite there with it. We would definitely help with a down payment on a condo though.

Condos tend to appreciate less and they have high HOA fees. Might not be wise to buy one.

Not necessarily and better to build equity then pay landlords mortgage.

This----my kid's rent just went up 30% in one year (new management). They are staying because they can afford it on their own, but know we will help if needed. Also, that's $300 more per month. It would cost them $1K to move, an extra months rent to overlap (as they have a planned vacation during the time their lease would expire) and in reality most places they would move are similarly priced, the landlord/management team just raised the rents to be more in line with the market in the area (they were an incredible deal previously).
For them, 2 years out of college it makes sense. But once they are certain they want to stay in a certain area and are ready to deal with maintenance of home ownership, we will help them purchase a condo/TH/Home