Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Often people like this are mentally ill AND they have dysfunctional, overprotective parents. Their parents watch them struggle so much growing up or in young adulthood and they don’t know what to do or how to help, and they usually end up enabling or making the child feel even more helpless. I’ve seen this dynamic in my own family and it is frustrating and a little heartbreaking. 💔
Just be the bigger person Op and try to have some compassion.
She can have sone compassion while strongly encouraging them to get brother fully employed, out of the house and into an affordable studio apartment before their health starts failing. He absolutely has to do this or get rush board for depression or some other issue and go on disability. Otherwise, OP should NOT support him. Most likely he will end up inheriting the parent's’ house after they die, staying there, falling behind on the taxes even with the trust fund they leave him and living in squalor. OP, if you’re comfortable with things heading this way, mayor sure you’re not involved in any way legally.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Does the seven year old ask other kids moms why they don’t work? I find this so hard to believe.
You don't think 7YOs are curious about how other families do things? My kids weren't judgy about family differences (except to the extent that other families were more fun than ours), but they absolutely wanted to know why someone had two mommies or only a daddy or went to Florida on vacation or didn't have siblings. And kids in search of information can be relentless.
Have you seriously never had to pull a "We'll talk about it later" with your kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Does the seven year old ask other kids moms why they don’t work? I find this so hard to believe.
You don't think 7YOs are curious about how other families do things? My kids weren't judgy about family differences (except to the extent that other families were more fun than ours), but they absolutely wanted to know why someone had two mommies or only a daddy or went to Florida on vacation or didn't have siblings. And kids in search of information can be relentless.
Have you seriously never had to pull a "We'll talk about it later" with your kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Does the seven year old ask other kids moms why they don’t work? I find this so hard to believe.
Most 7 yos know the difference between a married parent who stays home to take care of kids and a 42 man who lives with his parents who doesn’t work.
This.
If a seven-year-old holds enough power over you to make you feel bad about yourself, that's a personal problem.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Often people like this are mentally ill AND they have dysfunctional, overprotective parents. Their parents watch them struggle so much growing up or in young adulthood and they don’t know what to do or how to help, and they usually end up enabling or making the child feel even more helpless. I’ve seen this dynamic in my own family and it is frustrating and a little heartbreaking. 💔
Just be the bigger person Op and try to have some compassion.
She can have sone compassion while strongly encouraging them to get brother fully employed, out of the house and into an affordable studio apartment before their health starts failing. He absolutely has to do this or get rush board for depression or some other issue and go on disability. Otherwise, OP should NOT support him. Most likely he will end up inheriting the parent's’ house after they die, staying there, falling behind on the taxes even with the trust fund they leave him and living in squalor. OP, if you’re comfortable with things heading this way, mayor sure you’re not involved in any way legally.
Anonymous wrote:Often people like this are mentally ill AND they have dysfunctional, overprotective parents. Their parents watch them struggle so much growing up or in young adulthood and they don’t know what to do or how to help, and they usually end up enabling or making the child feel even more helpless. I’ve seen this dynamic in my own family and it is frustrating and a little heartbreaking. 💔
Just be the bigger person Op and try to have some compassion.
Anonymous wrote:Does the seven year old ask other kids moms why they don’t work? I find this so hard to believe.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:1. Your son did nothing wrong.
2. You were right to put a stop to the interrogation. You did nothing wrong.
3. You were right to say what you did to your parents. You did nothing wrong.
Most people like your brother have undiagnosed, untreated, mental health disorders. They are too old to change much, unfortunately. The most common disorder is autism, which comes with all sorts of executive function issues, mental rigidity, social anxiety and OCD. Usually it's one of the latter symptoms that people see. ADHD and anxiety can be medicated, but autism needs to be addressed behaviorally from a young age, because there's no medication and you can only build social skills and life habits, not change the underlying neurodivergence. If your brother is also tired, maybe he has a physical condition, such as sleep apnea. He should consult his doctor, if he can be persuaded to do so.
YOur 7 year old did nothing wrong. Your brother needs to stop being butt hurt about what a 7 year old says, and maybe actually listen to the 7 yr old. Kids will call it as they see it. Hmmmm, my parents are adults and they work, why doesnt my uncle? It's not that hard.
If the brother has mental health issues, your parents aren't doing any favors to him by not stepping in and doing something about it. All they are doing is perpetuating the fragility and when your parents are gone, guess who will be expected to fix it? You. And noone is going to have the capacity to hear "i told you so" from you, even though you are right
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If a 42 year old man can’t call his sister to complain about what her kid said, that’s on him. Putting his parents up to making the call is not okay.
OP, I would have responded to you parents with this: “If Bob was offended by what Larlo or anyone in this family said, he’s welcome to call me to discuss it. This is not your business, and I’m not discussing it with you anymore.”
It’s possible he complained to his parents but never asked them to try to force an apology. Parents could have done this even without brother realizing they were running interference.
Anonymous wrote:1. Your son did nothing wrong.
2. You were right to put a stop to the interrogation. You did nothing wrong.
3. You were right to say what you did to your parents. You did nothing wrong.
Most people like your brother have undiagnosed, untreated, mental health disorders. They are too old to change much, unfortunately. The most common disorder is autism, which comes with all sorts of executive function issues, mental rigidity, social anxiety and OCD. Usually it's one of the latter symptoms that people see. ADHD and anxiety can be medicated, but autism needs to be addressed behaviorally from a young age, because there's no medication and you can only build social skills and life habits, not change the underlying neurodivergence. If your brother is also tired, maybe he has a physical condition, such as sleep apnea. He should consult his doctor, if he can be persuaded to do so.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone assume mental illness? He might just have a strong preference for leisure that his parents have enabled.
Love this phrasing. Strong preference for leisure.