Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m kind of with you, OP. My husband and I lived apart for a year a few years into our marriage. It was job related and didn’t have anything to do with our relationship.
If I found out that he slept with another woman during that year, I wouldn’t be thrilled, but I wouldn’t see it as a huge betrayal.
On the other hand, if we were living together and raising kids together, and he just wasn’t showing up for parenting obligations, he was regularly lying to me about where he was, and he wasn’t treating me nicely, then it could easily be marriage ending.
Then just divorce. What was the point of being married if you didn’t mind if he slept around?
DP. I feel the same way as the PP. Because marriage is a lot more than sex. It does not matter in the grand scheme of things.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you agree to marry someone you agree to forsake all others. Cheating is the opposite of that.
That's your definition of marriage and it doesn't blanket-apply to everyone else. Besides, other parts of marriage have more meaning than sex. Legality, asset accumulation, social standing, wealth-building etc.
That’s not a marriage.
This doesn't need your approval.
It doesn’t need my approval to not be a marriage. It simply isn’t one.
I don’t need your approval for that fact.
If it's on a marriage license, it's a marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's the betrayal. Sex before marriage isn't harming and deceiving a spouse you've committed to. (I know some ultra religious folks would say it is, but a hypothetical future person is just not the same as one you've already, specifically chosen and married.)
DP. I think there are far worse betrayals than cheating. I also think the attitude is ridiculous.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:so you equate my husband and i living together and having sex together before marriage, as the same as my husband sleeping around and cheating on me? those sound like opposites to me, what am i missing.
No they are saying you live your h even though he had previous partners.
So if he cheats why is it so hard to bang him again.
so theyre saying because he had a girlfriend that he slept with before he met me, thats the same as him cheating on me? i still truly dont follow this train of thought.
These are hard-core religious folks that throw people into "before" and "after" buckets related to sex. Sex is considered so sinful that once you've done it, welp, that's all she wrote. So why not keep doing it and what does it matter, marriage be damned, and you as the partner shouldn't care either because they're already tainted, so to speak.
It doesn't make a lot of sense. See also, the high number of religious types caught up in sex scandals, abuse, and overall power dynamics in sex. It's a believe system heavily rooted in shame and blame.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's the betrayal. Sex before marriage isn't harming and deceiving a spouse you've committed to. (I know some ultra religious folks would say it is, but a hypothetical future person is just not the same as one you've already, specifically chosen and married.)
DP. I can see that.
On the other hand are:
sexless marriages.
When one spouse (of any sex) has desire for regular intercourse, but the other spouse (of any sex) has zero desire, why would there be any issue at all about sexual activity outside the marriage?
In other words: if you don’t want sex with them, why can’t they do it with other people?
Anonymous wrote:Humans are not meant to be monogamous.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m kind of with you, OP. My husband and I lived apart for a year a few years into our marriage. It was job related and didn’t have anything to do with our relationship.
If I found out that he slept with another woman during that year, I wouldn’t be thrilled, but I wouldn’t see it as a huge betrayal.
On the other hand, if we were living together and raising kids together, and he just wasn’t showing up for parenting obligations, he was regularly lying to me about where he was, and he wasn’t treating me nicely, then it could easily be marriage ending.
Then just divorce. What was the point of being married if you didn’t mind if he slept around?
Anonymous wrote:It's the betrayal. Sex before marriage isn't harming and deceiving a spouse you've committed to. (I know some ultra religious folks would say it is, but a hypothetical future person is just not the same as one you've already, specifically chosen and married.)
Anonymous wrote:
The majority over 95% of Muslim men are in monogamous marriages. They hate divorce because men pay for the wedding not the woman’s dad so it’s costly/a waste if she does leave.
Anonymous wrote: However, you are correct that Polygamy is allowed but only if a man is super rich or has up to 4 properties to house multiple wives and can take care of them and children .
Anonymous wrote:Humans are not meant to be monogamous.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It depends on what kind of a marriage you have. A secular one which is really just a social contract or a religious one that requires fidelity?
If you only want a contract, don’t lie by agreeing to a religious ceremony in which fidelity is promised openly. Otherwise, you are being dishonest.
Ester Perel is from the Netherlands, correct? She also takes a secular view of marriage and other relationships. So take what she says with an awareness of her perspective.
I mean an Islamic religious marriage explicitly does not require sexual fidelity of men unless so stipulated so let's not pretend marriage is the same for everyone.
That’s not true.
Have you discovered a version of Islam that bans polygamy for men?
Please, elaborate.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you agree to marry someone you agree to forsake all others. Cheating is the opposite of that.
That's your definition of marriage and it doesn't blanket-apply to everyone else. Besides, other parts of marriage have more meaning than sex. Legality, asset accumulation, social standing, wealth-building etc.
That’s not a marriage.
This doesn't need your approval.
It doesn’t need my approval to not be a marriage. It simply isn’t one.
I don’t need your approval for that fact.