Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 18:03     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:My DH coaches (with two other people, but he's the head coach) ice hockey. Kids made a playoff tournament. Game was just scheduled for Friday night.

This night has been on our calendar for a year: It's the date I conclude a massive project at work, a milestone that will have really big repercussions for my career. We had a special congratulatory dinner planned at a hard-to-get-into restaurant that requires reservations a month out.

I asked my DH if he could leave it to the two other coaches. He said no and was shocked that I wouldn't want to be at the playoff game because our kids come first.

Maybe I'm tired from working so hard, but I'm upset. This date has been set for months. He said we should cancel our plans and maybe we could "go on a weeknight next week."

Do I need to just get over it?



Divorce him. Clearly you are not as important as hockey.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 17:47     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
It's the delivery

He said we should cancel our plans and maybe we could "go on a weeknight next week."

If you are celebrating a huge career milestone and your spouse just says eh maybe some other time, yeah that stinks!
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 17:07     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. Women will always be last.

Your DH kinda sucks, not because of the game he can't control the schedule and as the head coach he has to show, but his attitude sucks.

He should have been empathetic and rescheduling the dinner.

He should not have tried to shame and guilt you for being disappointed.

You have the right to be disappointed.

You deserve to be celebrated.

You go to that dinner. Congratulations!


Yuck. It's more like some women will always be self-centered narcissists looking for excuses to complain when they aren't the center of attention.

The celebratory dinner can be rescheduled and there is more than one restaurant in the area.


Wow, wow, wow. Yikes. More like women are not nearly celebrated enough and deserve to be put first FOR ONCE.


That PP was rude but to most of us this isn't a gender issue. If this were a dinner for DH and DW were a dance instructor and DD got invited to do a big recital at the last minute, my response to the situation would be the same and I suspect most posters agree.


Eww. Come on. In making that point couldn't you have said:

If this were a dinner for DH and DW were the hockey coach and DD's team made the playoffs at the last minute, my response to the situation would be the same ....

Why is it girls dance and mom's are dance instructors. Yuck. Otherwise I agree with your point entirely.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 16:59     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:I am Ann Landers. Here's the thing. It seems a bit boorish or low-EQ that DH didn't couch it with an offer to reschedule.

Kids sports can occupy an outsized fixation in many families' minds. Everyone thinks their kid is going to the Olympics. It seems like it could have been handled with more balance, not just -- we're overthrowing your special milestone for a game.

Messaging is of the essence, in a successful marriage.


My kids are not going to the Olympics, but they're only kids for a short time. It would be entirely different if op was receiving an award, but she's not, this is just a dinner out.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 16:56     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
I think it's crazy you would not just reschedule your dinner: it's a team your kid is on, and your dh coaches? That's huge! Anything kid-related takes precedence for me. I'd be there cheering.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 16:50     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:My DH coaches (with two other people, but he's the head coach) ice hockey. Kids made a playoff tournament. Game was just scheduled for Friday night.

This night has been on our calendar for a year: It's the date I conclude a massive project at work, a milestone that will have really big repercussions for my career. We had a special congratulatory dinner planned at a hard-to-get-into restaurant that requires reservations a month out.

I asked my DH if he could leave it to the two other coaches. He said no and was shocked that I wouldn't want to be at the playoff game because our kids come first.

Maybe I'm tired from working so hard, but I'm upset. This date has been set for months. He said we should cancel our plans and maybe we could "go on a weeknight next week."

Do I need to just get over it?


I agree it is disappointing but, I would just make the reservations in a month. Your achievement is still valid but the game can't be changed So I agree with your dh since he is the head coach
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 16:31     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:It is mind-boggling the amount of importance placed on CHILD'S SPORTS. It's just a game with it appears other coaches? Are they inept? Why do other coaches exist if not to help?


As a parent, I've always lived by the adage "If its important to them, its important to me." If this game is important to DC, then it should also be important to OP.

I suspect DC has worked their butt off to get into the playoffs. And DH likely has too, as the coach. DH made a commitment to the team when he agreed to coach; he has a responsibility to the entire team to be there.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 16:18     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
It is mind-boggling the amount of importance placed on CHILD'S SPORTS. It's just a game with it appears other coaches? Are they inept? Why do other coaches exist if not to help?
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:59     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Think of this hocky season as the conclusion of his own big project. He's the head coach of a team that made the playoffs. Seriously, it's not just about the kids, but about his own feeling of accomplishment and success. He needs to be there and it would be great if you could support him. Remake the reservations for a later date, even if it's a month out.


I am sorry but a child's hockey game and extracurricular coaching is not the same as a major work project.


Is OP being asked to reschedule the major work project? Or to reschedule a date night dinner celebrating the major work project?



+1 it doesn’t seem like celebrating DH and DC’s accomplishments is even on op’s radar.


I think OP has to consider the social ramifications for her kid if the team loses the game because their coach isn't there. Or if the team would have lost anyway, but the kids being kids don't admit that.

My guess is that something like that could have substantial impact on both the kid's social interactions this year, and on their likelihood of making the team next year.

It's mind boggling to me that OP doesn't see that what she's asking her husband to do is cruel to their child.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:57     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Think of this hocky season as the conclusion of his own big project. He's the head coach of a team that made the playoffs. Seriously, it's not just about the kids, but about his own feeling of accomplishment and success. He needs to be there and it would be great if you could support him. Remake the reservations for a later date, even if it's a month out.


I am sorry but a child's hockey game and extracurricular coaching is not the same as a major work project.


Is OP being asked to reschedule the major work project? Or to reschedule a date night dinner celebrating the major work project?



+1 it doesn’t seem like celebrating DH and DC’s accomplishments is even on op’s radar.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:52     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Think of this hocky season as the conclusion of his own big project. He's the head coach of a team that made the playoffs. Seriously, it's not just about the kids, but about his own feeling of accomplishment and success. He needs to be there and it would be great if you could support him. Remake the reservations for a later date, even if it's a month out.


I am sorry but a child's hockey game and extracurricular coaching is not the same as a major work project.


Is OP being asked to reschedule the major work project? Or to reschedule a date night dinner celebrating the major work project?

Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:49     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This post is giving me step-mom vibes.


Yep.


I never came back because I'm finishing a huge project. Not a stepmom. That child all 10 lbs came flying out of my body. What an unusual thing to say! What are stepmom vibes?


Many of us are getting “stepmom vibes” because it’s so hard for us to imagine a mother having so little regard for her own child, plus husband too, that she’d demand to keep a date night rather than celebrate something important for her child and husband that can’t be moved.


Agree and agree.

She should take her hockey kids out for a celebratory meal after her rescheduled meal and her husbands
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:46     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Op can go to fancy pants dinner reservation with a friend or family member. If she’s that hard up after “waiting months” for the dinner and doesn’t care about end of season tournaments.

They hubby can take her out somewhere else.

Then she can take him out for coaching a fantastic hockey seasons after that.

Win win win
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:45     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
Anonymous wrote:The special dinner was planned before the hockey? No, that takes precedence.


No, hockey takes precedence as that date cannot be moved.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:44     Subject: Am I wrong to be upset with DH?
I don’t pay $2-5k for my kids top team sport so that the Head Coach can go out to dinner on the sudden death playoff games.
Hell no.

Those kids have been practicing their butts off all year and earned another playoff game. That cannot be rescheduled.

Some overpriced dinner restaurant can be rescheduled.

Op reads like a troll frankly.