Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was able to work part time (about 12-16 hours) and spend time with my kid and keep my IT skills current. I also like my job and my team. I love my kid and lucky I was able to do bother.

If you had chosen to work 40 + hours a week would this mean you didn't love your kid?

You are an idiot. Are you bored? You are reading WAY too much into that statement. Move on.

K'm not the one who made an idiotic statement. Don't write things you don't mean, or can't defend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP
But can we get more personal stories on why women in this category PREFER to work? I'm finding that interesting.

Can we please not do the whole risk man plan might die thing. We all know that. Everyone accepts risks differently. So let's eliminate that risk variable.

I don't stay home for the same reason a SAHM's husband doesn't: it's dull. I like spending quality time with my child, but realistically, most of the time is not quality time. When you stop breast-feeding, you spend your time cooking, cleaning and doing chores. A child also spends much of its time sleeping and not with you. Once it starts school, you're not spending most of the day with him at all. I love my child more than I love my job, but I love my job more than I love doing chores.

I do genuinely wonder what SAHMs do all day when their kids are at school?

They’re in school 180 days of the year, about 6 hours per day. It’s not really that much time (and I am not a SAHM). You could do general tidying, dinner prep, laundry, errands, workout, volunteer at the school or somewhere else, work on a hobby.

Anonymous wrote:My mother was a SAHM and so were many women in my family including myself. We're not less educated or less smart for what we've chose. We chose differently because we made family our priority, something that is hard when you work full time.

I'm grateful that women today have the option to go to work if they want to, but judging by their posts, many were led to believe that being a homemaker less than chasing money at some corporation. The smugness in this thread is baffling.

It’s not hard to make family a priority. It’s just harder to have personal time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How it plays out depends on multiple factors: income of the DW staying home (ie does it make sense if you factor in the added costs of getting outside childcare etc), how involved/supportive DH is, whether one has family in area for emergencies/respite, flexibility of the job one has...

BUT, as a professional woman, I do resent the expectation that it is the woman who should give up her career once the kids arrive.

AND, I resent the sentiment of the women here that somehow they are better mothers because they stayed at home. Being SAHM does not mean your kids are better off than those whose mothers stayed working. I see plenty of problem children with SAHM.

Being a SAHM does not mean that your kids are better off than those whose mothers stayed working, but it usually means that THAT PERSON’s kids are better off than if THAT PERSON had been working.

I work part time. Am I better at my job than some of my colleagues? Yes. Would I be better at my job than I am currently if I worked full time? Yes.

The same thing applies to being a wife a mother. You are going to get better at something if it’s important to you and you devote yourself to it full time.

But I work because my kids are UMC white kids, with tons of resources and involved parents. They will be fine. I don’t have to be the best possible mom I could ever be. I have my own adult life to live as well.

What is there to devote yourself full time to as a SAHM when your husband is at work and your kids are at school?

Maybe if you were a SAHM, you would be able to think of ways you could support your family even when they aren’t physically standing right in front of you.

I mean, I don’t know exactly what I would do if I worked 50 hours a week instead of 25, but I’m sure I would figure it out, and I’m sure I would get better at my job.

A man may not be a plan but if you find a man with similar values the two of you can make a viable plan. My H made more money than me so I stayed home with our kids until they were in school. He was jealous, he cherished time with them as much as I did and wished he could be the one at home, but that wasn't practical so it was me, but he was a very involved father and husband. Once the kids were in school I worked and had a challenging and rewarding career. But for both of us, when they were little the kids came first above everything. Neither of us wanted them in daycare.

We also both agreed that once they were in school we would both work full time and that's what happened. Neither of us thought the full financial burden should fall on him once childcare was no longer an issue.

Anonymous wrote:I had a career in finance that I enjoyed, but then DC was born. Doing childcare, tending the home and working was very exhausting so I deprioritized my career. Although I had some success as an employer my husband was way more successful so it didn't make sense for me to be employed. I know women married to high earning men, but they still work even after having more than one child. I can't understand this, how can they do it all? I'm genuinely curious.

I kept working because my husband is ungrateful and thankful for anything I already do for the house, kids, or family so he’d really check out if I was SAH.
Plus I love my industry, various employers, colleagues, and peers. Investment management.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was able to work part time (about 12-16 hours) and spend time with my kid and keep my IT skills current. I also like my job and my team. I love my kid and lucky I was able to do bother.

If you had chosen to work 40 + hours a week would this mean you didn't love your kid?

You are an idiot. Are you bored? You are reading WAY too much into that statement. Move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How it plays out depends on multiple factors: income of the DW staying home (ie does it make sense if you factor in the added costs of getting outside childcare etc), how involved/supportive DH is, whether one has family in area for emergencies/respite, flexibility of the job one has...

BUT, as a professional woman, I do resent the expectation that it is the woman who should give up her career once the kids arrive.

AND, I resent the sentiment of the women here that somehow they are better mothers because they stayed at home. Being SAHM does not mean your kids are better off than those whose mothers stayed working. I see plenty of problem children with SAHM.

Being a SAHM does not mean that your kids are better off than those whose mothers stayed working, but it usually means that THAT PERSON’s kids are better off than if THAT PERSON had been working.

I work part time. Am I better at my job than some of my colleagues? Yes. Would I be better at my job than I am currently if I worked full time? Yes.

The same thing applies to being a wife a mother. You are going to get better at something if it’s important to you and you devote yourself to it full time.

But I work because my kids are UMC white kids, with tons of resources and involved parents. They will be fine. I don’t have to be the best possible mom I could ever be. I have my own adult life to live as well.

What is there to devote yourself full time to as a SAHM when your husband is at work and your kids are at school?

[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been married twice and I was a SAHM with my first husband, and a trailing spouse. I found myself financially abused and in no position to work (meaningfully).

After I divorced I got an advanced degree and began my professional career. My husband now makes several times what I make but I like working: for the mental satisfaction it brings, for the extra money for retirement/medical expenses/saving for college, and mostly because I never want to be in a vulnerable situation again. [/quote]

My dad financially abused my mom and it's a big reason why I work even though DH 6x what I earn. I just need to control my financial life to an extent. However, I do not work nearly as hard as I once did - left a big firm for a small one and my comp is tied to productivity - low expectations but good upside.

Anonymous wrote:How it plays out depends on multiple factors: income of the DW staying home (ie does it make sense if you factor in the added costs of getting outside childcare etc), how involved/supportive DH is, whether one has family in area for emergencies/respite, flexibility of the job one has...

BUT, as a professional woman, I do resent the expectation that it is the woman who should give up her career once the kids arrive.

AND, I resent the sentiment of the women here that somehow they are better mothers because they stayed at home. Being SAHM does not mean your kids are better off than those whose mothers stayed working. I see plenty of problem children with SAHM.

Being a SAHM does not mean that your kids are better off than those whose mothers stayed working, but it usually means that THAT PERSON’s kids are better off than if THAT PERSON had been working.

I work part time. Am I better at my job than some of my colleagues? Yes. Would I be better at my job than I am currently if I worked full time? Yes.

The same thing applies to being a wife a mother. You are going to get better at something if it’s important to you and you devote yourself to it full time.

But I work because my kids are UMC white kids, with tons of resources and involved parents. They will be fine. I don’t have to be the best possible mom I could ever be. I have my own adult life to live as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

Very very similar boat here - I extremely intentionally chose not to emulate this

I briefly felt like that but after enjoying a peaceful home with my kids, I know it was much better that my mom worked. We were so different, we drove each other crazy as it was. If she stayed home, we'd have killed each other. She improved my life by working and keeping a great home.

I’ve been married twice and I was a SAHM with my first husband, and a trailing spouse. I found myself financially abused and in no position to work (meaningfully).

After I divorced I got an advanced degree and began my professional career. My husband now makes several times what I make but I like working: for the mental satisfaction it brings, for the extra money for retirement/medical expenses/saving for college, and mostly because I never want to be in a vulnerable situation again.

Anonymous wrote:My mother was a SAHM and so were many women in my family including myself. We're not less educated or less smart for what we've chose. We chose differently because we made family our priority, something that is hard when you work full time.

I'm grateful that women today have the option to go to work if they want to, but judging by their posts, many were led to believe that being a homemaker less than chasing money at some corporation. The smugness in this thread is baffling.

I think there is a lot of merit to being a sahm, and it’s a shame our society doesn’t appreciate it. That said, maybe because of this, I know a lot of sahms who are staying home because they are not high functioning people. Their houses & kids are a mess. I totally respect staying home, making a beautiful home, being on top of the kids stuff, making great meals - that’s a lot of work. I don’t really respect the watching daytime tv sahm crowd.

I own my own business, so I control my schedule. I probably would not be able to manage a job where I did not have the kind of flexibility I have. I took some time off, but I was bored. I guess I’ve worked so hard all my life, I don’t know how to not work. I also like not being dependent - though my husband is not at all controlling about money. It just feels good to contribute, I guess.

Anonymous wrote:How it plays out depends on multiple factors: income of the DW staying home (ie does it make sense if you factor in the added costs of getting outside childcare etc), how involved/supportive DH is, whether one has family in area for emergencies/respite, flexibility of the job one has...

BUT, as a professional woman, I do resent the expectation that it is the woman who should give up her career once the kids arrive.

AND, I resent the sentiment of the women here that somehow they are better mothers because they stayed at home. Being SAHM does not mean your kids are better off than those whose mothers stayed working. I see plenty of problem children with SAHM.

It's almost like women are just an extension of their families...