Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

People actually did say that (not verbatim but that was the sentiment). Jeff just deleted those comments.

Ok, well I didn't see them.
Regardless, it's inappropriate for OP to expect her Dh to do this. She really expects him to ask all his co-workers to completely upend a schedule that has worked fine, and that they have planned their schedule around, because OP doesn't want her kid in daycare more than 9 hours a day? Knowing that most of the people he will be requesting this of, either have their own kids in daycare 9 hours a day, or did when their kids were young?

It's inappropriate for her to expect this, but not inappropriate for him to expect her to do essentially the same?

Anonymous wrote:I can think of a gazillion reasons unrelated to childcare for which someone might reasonably request to change the regular time of a weekly meeting. Regular weekly meetings are almost never set in stone, unless it's a core fuction of the job but nothing in the OP indicates this. So I do not get all the folks who say you can't ask for this and OP shouldn't expect her DH to do this - that's just ridiculous.

What concerns me most is one of you already making lots of schedule changes to accomodate the new pickup/dropoff schedule while the other one refuses to make *any*. As many others have said, that is not reasonable in any universe and foreshadows lots of problems in the future when flexibility will become necessary.

FWIW, my DH makes $300k+/yr as an individual contributor at a major tech firm (so, not management or executive). I make $30k/yr as a part time, fully WFH nonprofit staffer. We have two preteen SN kids with crazy schedules. I do 75% of regular pickups and dropoffs, and closer to 90% of the random appointments and sick days - that's the main reason for my PT/WFH schedule. However, ~4 times a year I have to travel for work for a week at a time (nonnegotiable core function of my job), and he takes over everything without question or complaint. He will even shift his on-call rotation to accomodate my travel if necessary. Because we are a team, and we approach our family calendar as a team effort.

Sure, some places still follow outdated/sexist norms, but the status quo won't change if no one bothers to try. I'm not even saying DH has to change the meeting, but it's about the attitude. This would absolutely be a hill I'd die on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

People actually did say that (not verbatim but that was the sentiment). Jeff just deleted those comments.

Ok, well I didn't see them.
Regardless, it's inappropriate for OP to expect her Dh to do this. She really expects him to ask all his co-workers to completely upend a schedule that has worked fine, and that they have planned their schedule around, because OP doesn't want her kid in daycare more than 9 hours a day? Knowing that most of the people he will be requesting this of, either have their own kids in daycare 9 hours a day, or did when their kids were young?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that folks say it’s easier for women than men to adjust schedules. My husband has been adjusting for years, and everyone just thinks he’s the most awesome involved dad, helping out his wife. My changes have led to my being mommy-tracked. He’s now a senior VP at a Fortune 50 company and reschedules all the time for kid stuff. Of course, when he travels or meets with the CEO, I cover!
In other words, we’re both in there swinging every day and we both think the other person’s job is important!

+1000

This. In my experience men were always applauded for being the "best" dads and family men (assuming they still got their work done). However, if a woman tried to leave early due to family obligations she would be looked down on and mommy-tracked, even if she was outperforming the guys. It's definitely more of a career killer for women then men.

And, yes, if either person has a conflicting meeting with the CEO, the other spouse should step up that day (whichever spouse it is).

Most professional level jobs will include regular occurrence of meetings after 3pm, which would constitute getting working done.

If he's some kind of data processor and has few meetings and never advances, sure?

It's 2024. Hybrid work environments work well for this. Plenty of people rush out for pick up and then get back online. You act like it's 1980 and work stops if you're away from your desk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

People actually did say that (not verbatim but that was the sentiment). Jeff just deleted those comments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that folks say it’s easier for women than men to adjust schedules. My husband has been adjusting for years, and everyone just thinks he’s the most awesome involved dad, helping out his wife. My changes have led to my being mommy-tracked. He’s now a senior VP at a Fortune 50 company and reschedules all the time for kid stuff. Of course, when he travels or meets with the CEO, I cover!
In other words, we’re both in there swinging every day and we both think the other person’s job is important!

+1000

This. In my experience men were always applauded for being the "best" dads and family men (assuming they still got their work done). However, if a woman tried to leave early due to family obligations she would be looked down on and mommy-tracked, even if she was outperforming the guys. It's definitely more of a career killer for women then men.

And, yes, if either person has a conflicting meeting with the CEO, the other spouse should step up that day (whichever spouse it is).

Most professional level jobs will include regular occurrence of meetings after 3pm, which would constitute getting working done.

If he's some kind of data processor and has few meetings and never advances, sure?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that folks say it’s easier for women than men to adjust schedules. My husband has been adjusting for years, and everyone just thinks he’s the most awesome involved dad, helping out his wife. My changes have led to my being mommy-tracked. He’s now a senior VP at a Fortune 50 company and reschedules all the time for kid stuff. Of course, when he travels or meets with the CEO, I cover!
In other words, we’re both in there swinging every day and we both think the other person’s job is important!

Exactly, he steps in now and then to help his family; he's not the one skipping the last quarter of every work day (even if he did work at a 7am, that is prime meeting time 3-6 pm). People love a showboating dad, they hate a Mr Mom who is schlepping kids around EVERY afternoon and has to rush out to school pickup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Maybe for dinosaurs like you. This simply isn't true anymore.

Expectations only exist until they don't. Just change it. Especially if you are a MAN.

OP will rue this position. If she insists her DH keep moving meetings and leaving early, his career will backslide and she will end up as the breadwinner. I have never met a happy breadwinner DW — they regret the time lost with their kids, the pressure to work while all the other class moms are doing parties and coffee after drop off. It’s lonely and stressful.

Just how the world works — even today any man who is a family man over a career man are looked as lazy and not committed.

Again, it's 2024. Can we stop perpetuating this stuff? Men have been doing dropoff and pickup for decades now.

Anonymous wrote:
Women sadly are default caretaker in a dual income household, double annoying sometimes if parents split child care responsibilities both daddy and mommy get mommy tracked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that folks say it’s easier for women than men to adjust schedules. My husband has been adjusting for years, and everyone just thinks he’s the most awesome involved dad, helping out his wife. My changes have led to my being mommy-tracked. He’s now a senior VP at a Fortune 50 company and reschedules all the time for kid stuff. Of course, when he travels or meets with the CEO, I cover!
In other words, we’re both in there swinging every day and we both think the other person’s job is important!

+1000

This. In my experience men were always applauded for being the "best" dads and family men (assuming they still got their work done). However, if a woman tried to leave early due to family obligations she would be looked down on and mommy-tracked, even if she was outperforming the guys. It's definitely more of a career killer for women then men.

And, yes, if either person has a conflicting meeting with the CEO, the other spouse should step up that day (whichever spouse it is).

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that folks say it’s easier for women than men to adjust schedules. My husband has been adjusting for years, and everyone just thinks he’s the most awesome involved dad, helping out his wife. My changes have led to my being mommy-tracked. He’s now a senior VP at a Fortune 50 company and reschedules all the time for kid stuff. Of course, when he travels or meets with the CEO, I cover!
In other words, we’re both in there swinging every day and we both think the other person’s job is important!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Maybe for dinosaurs like you. This simply isn't true anymore.

Expectations only exist until they don't. Just change it. Especially if you are a MAN.

OP will rue this position. If she insists her DH keep moving meetings and leaving early, his career will backslide and she will end up as the breadwinner. I have never met a happy breadwinner DW — they regret the time lost with their kids, the pressure to work while all the other class moms are doing parties and coffee after drop off. It’s lonely and stressful.

Just how the world works — even today any man who is a family man over a career man are looked as lazy and not committed.