Anonymous
01/15/2025 17:54
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
I have a Ph.D. in education.
I would have taken the time to become a licensed clinical psychologist.
Better yet, I wanted to become a medical doctor.
My family didn't "believe" in childcare (daycare) or "strangers raising your children." I supported my family so much. My family was not supportive of me at all.
I would have married young and had children young. I never married or had kids. It's a good thing. I struggled so much as a first generation college student. I didn't struggle financially because I always found a way.
It's not easy to see how the people closest to you can bring you down like crabs in a bucket.
Also, I am old at mid 50s. I was never a gamer. I feel checkmated throughout life by people who are better at playing the game. I took life too seriously.
I would have taken the time to become a licensed clinical psychologist.
Better yet, I wanted to become a medical doctor.
My family didn't "believe" in childcare (daycare) or "strangers raising your children." I supported my family so much. My family was not supportive of me at all.
I would have married young and had children young. I never married or had kids. It's a good thing. I struggled so much as a first generation college student. I didn't struggle financially because I always found a way.
It's not easy to see how the people closest to you can bring you down like crabs in a bucket.
Also, I am old at mid 50s. I was never a gamer. I feel checkmated throughout life by people who are better at playing the game. I took life too seriously.
Anonymous
01/15/2025 16:10
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
A job is to pay the bills. Don’t make it your life.
Anonymous
01/15/2025 16:00
Subject: Re:Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Anonymous wrote:Don’t quit working. If a situation is untenable for you, find a way to transfer or leave, but don’t just completely quit working.
Get a degree and specialize in a field, which makes you less easily replaceable.
Be willing to prioritize having a family and try not to make yourself feel really guilty for working. Your kids know who their mom is and you don’t have to quit working to be a good mom. Just try to be engaged when you’re home.
You can feel passionately about your career, but don’t ever forget that it’s just a job and your real life is your family. Your employer will easily replace you after you leave. So give it your best but realize you’re only there for money.
Save for retirement and match whatever your employer contributes.
Yes to all of these. Will add:
Related to 1 above: Be open to new opportunities and stay connected (even if it’s through Linkedin). It makes getting a job in less than ideal circumstances easier.
2. Don’t let people take things away from you without respectfully putting up a fight.
3. You will see who the real jerks are when you are at your weakest - I’ve been through three maternity leaves. If someone uses your 13-20 week absence to undermine you that is a red flag.
4. Frame proposals to management through the lens of what is best for the company and not what is best for Larlo and Larla.
5. When you are at a certain level you will have to deal with politics.
Anonymous
01/15/2025 11:53
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Anonymous wrote:More like if you major in humanities, learn how to market yourself and pick up some tech skills in school. It worked out very well for me (art history undergrad, English MA).
Even a broken clock is right twice a day
Anonymous
01/15/2025 08:52
Subject: Re:Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’d tell my younger self to try very hard to figure out if I’ll be working for a woman who sees me as a mentee or as a threat. Strangely this doesn’t really seem to apply to male supervisors in my experience. Who you work for is 90% of happiness on the job for me.
+1 very true. I haven’t had much luck finding good female mentors, especially after 30. Women support their friends at work and will speak up for them, and if you don’t already have those strong friendships with a few at your organization, you’re on your own.
Men are more willing to help you if they like you as a person, especially when you’re younger (and being attractive is a big plus).
DP I have a successful career but have definitely been treated poorly many times, most often by women. The white men in our workplace get treated with respect. Women, especially young ones, are often treated with condescension, asked to do administrative work that is not part of their job role, and publicly berated. I think the female leaders feel more confident about abusing other women - they won't be accused of sexism like the male leaders, and they don't feel confident abusing men, especially white men. I also think female leaders feel a need to generally not be too nice or they won't be respected, whereas the male leaders have more of an incentive to appear kind and gracious.
Anonymous
01/15/2025 07:15
Subject: Re:Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Don’t quit working. If a situation is untenable for you, find a way to transfer or leave, but don’t just completely quit working.
Get a degree and specialize in a field, which makes you less easily replaceable.
Be willing to prioritize having a family and try not to make yourself feel really guilty for working. Your kids know who their mom is and you don’t have to quit working to be a good mom. Just try to be engaged when you’re home.
You can feel passionately about your career, but don’t ever forget that it’s just a job and your real life is your family. Your employer will easily replace you after you leave. So give it your best but realize you’re only there for money.
Save for retirement and match whatever your employer contributes.
Get a degree and specialize in a field, which makes you less easily replaceable.
Be willing to prioritize having a family and try not to make yourself feel really guilty for working. Your kids know who their mom is and you don’t have to quit working to be a good mom. Just try to be engaged when you’re home.
You can feel passionately about your career, but don’t ever forget that it’s just a job and your real life is your family. Your employer will easily replace you after you leave. So give it your best but realize you’re only there for money.
Save for retirement and match whatever your employer contributes.
Anonymous
01/14/2025 22:32
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
It would be Dont Get Old.
Anonymous
01/14/2025 06:49
Subject: Re:Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
It's a job, not your life. Don't work late unnecessarily. Take every vacation day. Put your personal goals and family first.
Anonymous
01/14/2025 05:35
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
I wish I could talk to my younger self on one specific day: when I decided to quit my first job to go into teaching.
I thought it would be more family friendly, and I was so wrong. Decades later, and I regret how much time I’ve dedicated to keeping up with my classroom.
I thought it would be more family friendly, and I was so wrong. Decades later, and I regret how much time I’ve dedicated to keeping up with my classroom.
Anonymous
01/14/2025 03:01
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Anonymous wrote:Follow your nature not the glamour. I should have been an English professor instead ended up high stress jobs in fancy offices.
This is harder than you'd think.
Anonymous
01/13/2025 22:31
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm reaping the rewards of listening to my gut instincts my entire career even though I would get contrary advice from others. So - listen to your internal voice. It is there to guide you to your most aligned life.
Don't listen to naysayers or the voice inside that is NOT you - your ego.
+100
When it comes to your career, follow your gut and the advice of trusted mentors. Consider that your family may have good intentions or may just be scared for you, but in the end, get a little comfortable with upsetting them. I turned down what would have been a great first job out of undergrad because my parents insisted I couldn’t afford to live on my own (the salary was low but I wouldn’t made due), so I agreed with them, passed up the job, went back home and ended up working for a jerk for a year before I went to grad school. Had I taken that job offer, I would’ve ended up working for a terrific boss who wanted me there and had been all in on supporting me for a fellowship.
So, yeah, sometimes you should not listen to your parents because they don’t always know what’s best for you. Upset them, it’s ok. They’ll get over it.
I had negative experience with mentors. I sought one out at my first job who was a senior manager at the organization. I think she was trying to be helpful but she tried too hard to mold me into another person that is not me. During the process I have lost confidence in myself and the lack of authenticity was felt by other senior leadership in my org. It took me a couple of jobs to be comfortable presenting my original ideas and things worked out from there.
If I have the choice to do everything over again. I would do everything by myself, alone yes, but owning it.
Anonymous
01/13/2025 20:57
Subject: Re:Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:#1: Marry someone who roots for your career success and will support you.
#2: Go to grad school for longterm earnings, even if you take off to stay at home for awhile.
#3: Work part-time or do small jobs to keep skills relevant while SAH.
+1 to all of this.
#3 for sure and where many go astray.
Anonymous
01/13/2025 11:23
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Anonymous wrote:Don't major in humanities.
More like if you major in humanities, learn how to market yourself and pick up some tech skills in school. It worked out very well for me (art history undergrad, English MA).
Anonymous
01/13/2025 11:20
Subject: Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
A nanny is not exclusively for the extremely wealthy and royalty. You don’t look at daycare on maternity leave. Seek out women in other divisions to build professional relationships, working with all men is isolating and void of valuable information that’s critical to your career.
Anonymous
01/13/2025 11:11
Subject: Re:Women: If you could give career advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Anonymous wrote:I’d tell my younger self to try very hard to figure out if I’ll be working for a woman who sees me as a mentee or as a threat. Strangely this doesn’t really seem to apply to male supervisors in my experience. Who you work for is 90% of happiness on the job for me.
+1 very true. I haven’t had much luck finding good female mentors, especially after 30. Women support their friends at work and will speak up for them, and if you don’t already have those strong friendships with a few at your organization, you’re on your own.
Men are more willing to help you if they like you as a person, especially when you’re younger (and being attractive is a big plus).