This is the DCUMiest DCUM post and thread I've ever read. Instant classic.

I have a really hard time understanding all these posts crying about adult kids not having kids. I had kids because I like kids and wanted them. It never entered my mind that they were there to continue my genetic line. Who cares about that?

I guess some bored retirees or about to be retirees or former SAHMs who haven’t found a purpose thinking they need grandchildren to fill that void. I get this, it’s hard because kids change your life and absorb your time and identity. It’s hard to transition back to being an adult in charge of choosing your own purpose but you have to do it.

I love my grown kids, they love me, I am glad they are in my life, and they are thriving wonderful, contributing human beings. But frankly, I don’t really know why I had kids. I never objectively gave it a lot of thought, which I admire the younger generation for doing. It was just sort of the expected thing, the inevitable progression. And let’s be honest, it’s hard to at times bordering on miserable. You’ll get the highest highs and the lowest lows as a parent — but you’re not allowed to talk about or admit the lows.

I guess I was never one of those “OMG babies People.” Love my kids but do not love ALL kids. And I never gave a moments thought to becoming a grandmother someday, maybe because I grew up without grandparents in this country. This hunger to be a grandmother thing is just alien. I’m just happy my kids are happy, in happy relationships, with deep and strong friendship circles.

Wow. My child is unquestionably the most meaningful part of my life. But I’m not so arrogant as to believe that having a child is the only thing that could be a meaningful part of anybody’s life.

I will be absolutely heartbroken if my only child decides not to have kids. But that will be my problem, not his. How can you love someone and not trust them to know what’s right for their own lives?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but genuinely curious… how is it selfish to not want kids?

Well, the entirety of society around you is due to the fact that people did the hard work of having kids. Childless adults (grown-up children really) are free riding on the work of others.

If everyone decided not to have kids who do you think would take care of you in the nursing home? Pay for your social security? The childless by choice folks are the equivalent of the NEETs who refuse to get a job and stay in their parents basement all day. The sad part is they don’t realize the joy and fulfillment you get from actually applying yourself and doing something worthwhile for others, and instead remain mired in their self-referential lives, desperately traveling and going to brunches and trying to be the ‘cool aunt’.

To the OP- I’ll also probably feel like a failure if my kids don’t want to have kids.

+100

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but genuinely curious… how is it selfish to not want kids?

How is it not? It's blighting a human urge to reproduce for reasons of self indulgence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but genuinely curious… how is it selfish to not want kids?

Well, the entirety of society around you is due to the fact that people did the hard work of having kids. Childless adults (grown-up children really) are free riding on the work of others.

If everyone decided not to have kids who do you think would take care of you in the nursing home? Pay for your social security? The childless by choice folks are the equivalent of the NEETs who refuse to get a job and stay in their parents basement all day. The sad part is they don’t realize the joy and fulfillment you get from actually applying yourself and doing something worthwhile for others, and instead remain mired in their self-referential lives, desperately traveling and going to brunches and trying to be the ‘cool aunt’.

To the OP- I’ll also probably feel like a failure if my kids don’t want to have kids.

Having children is not "for others"

You know you can do really amazing and worthwhile things for the world that dont involve creating other humans? If that's the bar on which we base "worthwhile causes" we are just stepping over it, because that bar is on the floor.

You might not have kids specifically ‘for others’ but they certainly are ‘for others.’ We’re social beings. Having other people around is a huge positive in our lives.

And sure, you can do amazing and worthwhile things that don’t involve creating other humans but without other humans you can’t do amazing and worthwhile things.

Individuals that refuse to have children *by choice* are fundamentally making an immoral choice. It’s like deciding you’d prefer to be an alcoholic rather than a productive member of society.

+1

Can’t even believe what I’m reading. Crazy.

The best people I know have no children. They have oodles of time and money to commit to helping improve the world. I taught in a title 1 school for years. The only teachers who lasted more than 1-2 years were those without kids because the students were so needy you ended up essentially parenting them. Numerous former students made it out of k-12 education and became positive members of society because of the support and influence of those childless teachers. Once I had my own kid, I had to quit because I didn’t have the bandwidth to parent him and those kids. At the time, I cried at how selfish it felt to focus on one instead of 120.

Encourage your children to make the world a better place, whether it’s by raising the next generation of good people, or contributing to the people who are already here.

The only wrong choice is to focus only on yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but genuinely curious… how is it selfish to not want kids?

Well, the entirety of society around you is due to the fact that people did the hard work of having kids. Childless adults (grown-up children really) are free riding on the work of others.

If everyone decided not to have kids who do you think would take care of you in the nursing home? Pay for your social security? The childless by choice folks are the equivalent of the NEETs who refuse to get a job and stay in their parents basement all day. The sad part is they don’t realize the joy and fulfillment you get from actually applying yourself and doing something worthwhile for others, and instead remain mired in their self-referential lives, desperately traveling and going to brunches and trying to be the ‘cool aunt’.

To the OP- I’ll also probably feel like a failure if my kids don’t want to have kids.

Having children is not "for others"

You know you can do really amazing and worthwhile things for the world that dont involve creating other humans? If that's the bar on which we base "worthwhile causes" we are just stepping over it, because that bar is on the floor.

You might not have kids specifically ‘for others’ but they certainly are ‘for others.’ We’re social beings. Having other people around is a huge positive in our lives.

And sure, you can do amazing and worthwhile things that don’t involve creating other humans but without other humans you can’t do amazing and worthwhile things.

Individuals that refuse to have children *by choice* are fundamentally making an immoral choice. It’s like deciding you’d prefer to be an alcoholic rather than a productive member of society.

+1

Neither my brother nor i ever wanted kids. We are both in our 50s so no, we never changed our minds." Sheesh.

My sister did want kids and she had one.

OP, let your kids live their lives as they see fit.

I have three children - so you know, obviously enjoy parenthood - and would not feel this way if they didn’t want children. I think it’s unfair to reproduce hoping to “get something” out of the deal. You’ve raised them and your job is done. If they’re happy, I would count that as a win for you.

I think you have some very wise AC. Having children could break them financially and a lot of grandparents aren't willing to help out let alone visit and be a normal grandparent at minimum. Family friendly policies arw non-existent. Women are more likely to die in childbirth. Health care ia poor and expensive in general. Daycare and college are both unaffordable. There is absolutely zero incentive to have children, so people should only have them if they really actually want them.

I didn’t read the thread, but this is very common now.

I wouldn’t worry or care. Honestly less burden for you!

Well we killed the earth so now they don't want to bring kids into it. Oh well.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, way to make it all about you.

I don't understand why parents are often so into their kids having kids. They are more likely to be around to help with your elder care if they aren't busy with kids.

I think it’s because baby snuggles are such a magical, fleeting stage to someone who did have and raise children and your only chance to really have this kind of closeness with little children at that age is through your grandchildren.