Anonymous wrote:Op here. Consensus is to get married. I think he will see right through that since we are having issues.

No one said get married. Getting married does not help you. The marital share of assets in split in a divorce. You don’t get half just being married. If you got married and split in a year from now you’re not getting half you’re getting half of the marital share there was earned in the last year only. Understand?

Your best bet is to get a job in save all your money because it’s not 50% of his because you are not married and you can protect your own money and then when you have enough to leave, then you should leave

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Consensus is to get married. I think he will see right through that since we are having issues.

Consensus is that this man has no intention of getting married, so you don't have to worry about that.

Consensus is you need to call the domestic violence hotline where you are and ask for a referral to an attorney. Call that attorney and make an appointment for a consultation. Delete the records of these calls from your phone.

Consensus is also that you have to get a job. If that's you above saying it's scary--of course it's scary, but you have done scary things before and you can do them again.

The big brains here suggesting that you start stashing money in IRAs without mentioning that you have to get a job can be safely ignored. You are not allowed to contribute to an IRA unless you have earned income.

Op—empower yourself. Get a job!

Can you get a job, OP? In a prior thread you said you worked PT.

There is rarely a consensus on DCUM - however, this time the consensus is to get off your scared ass and get a damn job.

OP - I reread right thread and I do NOT see the consensus telling you to marry your super sketchy “fiancé” of 8-years.

The consensus is telling you to get a job. Wake up and get a job. YOU CAN DO IT! YOU WILL FEEL BETTER.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Consensus is to get married. I think he will see right through that since we are having issues.

OP i don't remember a single person recommending getting married.

You are insane. You read 8 pages of this thread, and your takeaway was "get married"? The only option that continues to let you avoid all the stuff people recommended (get a job, see a lawyer, save money, get training etc)?

I would ABHOR you if i were your DH.

Yeah, and what is really weird is that OP's take away is "get married" when that clearly is not even going to happen. He doesn't want to marry her.

Hey OP, do you even have a ring? Is it a diamond? How big? Because an older man well off enough with 3 houses should have given a "fiancė" a big-a$$ rock -- and I'm guessing you do not have that.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Consensus is to get married. I think he will see right through that since we are having issues.

OP i don't remember a single person recommending getting married.

You are insane. You read 8 pages of this thread, and your takeaway was "get married"? The only option that continues to let you avoid all the stuff people recommended (get a job, see a lawyer, save money, get training etc)?

I would ABHOR you if i were your DH.

Op here. Consensus is to get married. I think he will see right through that since we are having issues.

Omg. See a lawyer. Get a job. Stash every cent you can into savings (in case you are kicked out) and retirement. Save as much as you can of child support into 529s for kids. Try to get married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

If you share a child, you would get child support for that child.

See a lawyer. No one else can help with legal questions.

Anonymous wrote:Can you shop?

Set up a LLC. Buy designer, let him see you in it once. Resell through your LLC. Pay yourself. Set up a ROTH IRA. Put all your “pay” into the IRA.

This OP is worried about being homeless. I don't think she's shopping "designer" whether this guy has multiple houses or not.

Are are you, OP?

Can you shop?

Set up a LLC. Buy designer, let him see you in it once. Resell through your LLC. Pay yourself. Set up a ROTH IRA. Put all your “pay” into the IRA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have a master’s degree. When I moved to this state, over 10 years ago, I had a horrible time finding a job. I ended up taking a minimum wage job for a few years. When I became pregnant he told me I could quit. That was over 7 years ago.

Op here again. I’m so out of touch with technology and am awful with computer programming and I feel so scared to go back to the workplace.

Substitute teacher.

+1 OP could even do this only when he travels if she wants to keep it really quiet.

You need a lawyer. You need to ascertain common law marriage provisions in your state. You need a job.

OP, I'd stay on good terms with the father of the first two kids in case the Dad needs to house the kids in an emergency situation for awhile, ie. in case you lose housing.