Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 11:44     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have found myself noticing families with 3+ or more kids. It could just be my community/social circles (or my own desire to have a third), but it seems like its becoming more common to have more than 1-2 kids.

Anyone else seeing this in their circles?



It is for stupid people.


Ok I’ll bite.Tell us why 3+ kids is for stupid people.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 11:44     Subject: Re:are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.



Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.


How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.


I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.


This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.


To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 11:42     Subject: Re:are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.



Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.


How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.


I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.


This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.


DP. I’d bet it’s a pretty even split of people who would judge for an oopsie and people who judge for the choice to have 3+. Most people judge in comparison to their own choices (eg “I didn’t have an oopsie baby so you must be irresponsible” or “two kids is enough, why do more than replace yourself” etc). We are trying for a third and I already know who among my friends and family will judge the choice vs an oopsie. Doesn’t bother me.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 11:40     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:I have found myself noticing families with 3+ or more kids. It could just be my community/social circles (or my own desire to have a third), but it seems like its becoming more common to have more than 1-2 kids.

Anyone else seeing this in their circles?



It is for stupid people.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 11:40     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:I think 4 is now the desirable number for affluent families. More than that = religious family (in my experience). I have three for what it's worth (though both I and my husband come from families with three children, so seemed normal to us!)

It's.not
Not for the actual wealthy.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 11:24     Subject: Re:are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.



Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.


How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.


I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.


This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 11:22     Subject: Re:are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.



Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.


How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.


I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 10:54     Subject: Re:are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.



Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.


How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.


A thing that has happened to a number of women I know is that they get lax about birth control because they are older and think they can't get pregnant anymore. I think sometimes all the fear mongering about fertility wraps people's perspective and they assume that if they are over 35, the odds are too low. Especially if they had any trouble conceiving.

Several of the oops babies I know of have a big age gap with the next youngest child. The parents were probably initially on top of birth control, but may have assumed "eh, I'm over 40, what are the odds?" Without looking to see that actually the odds are much higher than zero, especially if you've successfully conceived before.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 10:49     Subject: Re:are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:While some of you may "feel" like 3+ kid families are becoming more common, this is almost certainly self-selection bias, with people who have 3+ kids, or want 3+ kids, gravitating to the same communities. The birth rate is the lowest it's been in years, with fewer people having kids and those that are having kids, having fewer. 3+ child families definitely are not more common than they used to be.

Though interestingly, larger families are more desirable according to stated preferences than they were a few years ago: https://news.gallup.com/poll/511238/americans-preference-larger-families-highest-1971.aspx#:~:text=In%20all%2C%2031%25%20of%20U.S.,having%20two%20children%20as%20ideal.

But the preference for larger families is not actually translating to having larger families, likely because American culture does not support it, especially financially. So while more people say they want 3 or more kids, fewer people are actually having this many.

Also, people with 4+ kids are most likely to state that their own family size is less desirable than smaller families, strongly backing up the idea that many people with larger families had "oops" babies.


Where did you get this from? I know lots of people with 4+ kids (including myself) and have never heard anyone say this.


It's in the Gallup data at the link. People with none or one are also more likely to say that bigger families than theirs are more desirable, but since many people with none or one will go on to have more, it means something different

People with 2 or 3 are most likely to report that their ideal family size is the one the currently have.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 10:46     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:I think 4 is now the desirable number for affluent families. More than that = religious family (in my experience). I have three for what it's worth (though both I and my husband come from families with three children, so seemed normal to us!)


I think it’s 3. I am in some very wealthy circles and few have 4. My neighbors do, but the fourth was an accident. I know a LOT of 3s. We have 3 and we didn’t go for a fourth - can afford it but too much work and hardship on the body.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 10:24     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think 4 is now the desirable number for affluent families. More than that = religious family (in my experience). I have three for what it's worth (though both I and my husband come from families with three children, so seemed normal to us!)


Fewer people are having 4 kids than ever before if you check the data, I think. Just curious why you think this.


You are correct that fewer people are having 4+ kids. BUT among wealthy - it is on the uptick. It's also what people say when polled that they want. They just can't afford it, hence the trend only among wealthy. We run in highly educated, wealthy circle and it's very common.


Ah, I hadn’t seen that specifically but I had read that highly educated women are having more kids, so I can see this.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 10:15     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think 4 is now the desirable number for affluent families. More than that = religious family (in my experience). I have three for what it's worth (though both I and my husband come from families with three children, so seemed normal to us!)


Fewer people are having 4 kids than ever before if you check the data, I think. Just curious why you think this.


You are correct that fewer people are having 4+ kids. BUT among wealthy - it is on the uptick. It's also what people say when polled that they want. They just can't afford it, hence the trend only among wealthy. We run in highly educated, wealthy circle and it's very common.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 09:48     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:I think 4 is now the desirable number for affluent families. More than that = religious family (in my experience). I have three for what it's worth (though both I and my husband come from families with three children, so seemed normal to us!)


Fewer people are having 4 kids than ever before if you check the data, I think. Just curious why you think this.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 09:45     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
Anonymous wrote:I think 4 is now the desirable number for affluent families. More than that = religious family (in my experience). I have three for what it's worth (though both I and my husband come from families with three children, so seemed normal to us!)


I would have dearly loved to have four, if our finances had worked out and we could have mitigated the extra carbon footprint. I think about those missing kids daily.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2024 09:39     Subject: are 3+ kid families becoming more common?
I think 4 is now the desirable number for affluent families. More than that = religious family (in my experience). I have three for what it's worth (though both I and my husband come from families with three children, so seemed normal to us!)