Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Was/Is DS closer to MIL? How did he take the divorce?
Sometimes if you hear hooves, it's horses and not zebras
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.
The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!
They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.
The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account. Why have they mentioned this? Because they are so fearful the money train will end.
Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already. The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.
I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.
I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.
The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.
This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.
So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful.
A college degree benefits the recipient directly, not the parents or the grandparents. It is the height of entitlement to assume otherwise.
Wow…guess if I am your kid I know who isn’t helping me…thanks mom.
Anonymous wrote:Was/Is DS closer to MIL? How did he take the divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.
The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!
They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.
The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account. Why have they mentioned this? Because they are so fearful the money train will end.
Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already. The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.
I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.
I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.
The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.
This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.
So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful.
A college degree benefits the recipient directly, not the parents or the grandparents. It is the height of entitlement to assume otherwise.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.
The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!
They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.
The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account. Why have they mentioned this? Because they are so fearful the money train will end.
Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already. The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.
I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.
I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.
The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.
This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.
So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful.
This is kind of right. My grandmother gave us the $10,000 a year for Christmas each year. It’s really a gift to the parents who don’t have to fork over a penny for their kids’ college. It’s a huge gift to them, not to the kid. Of course he should say thank you and be grateful, but it’s not really a gift to the kid.
If the kid applied logic to it he would see it’s a gift to him.
First case: Let’s say the family has a net income of $100,000 per year. With three kids the parents would put $30,000 into accounts. That leaves $70,000 per year income. Sorry kid, you can’t go to the $15,000 camp, it’s too expensive.
Second case: Grandmother gives the kids $30,000 towards college. The family net income is $100,000 per year. They don’t have to worry about setting aside the $30,000. So kid would have the money to go to camp.
Anonymous wrote:Beyond telling your son he was rude you should have told him how ashamed you were by his callous ingratitude. You should tell him that someday when he's old enough to have enough life experience and maturity he'll feel shame when he thinks about what he did and you only hope his grandfather will still be alive to offer him the sincere apology he deserves. I don't think you son is as good a person as you assume.
Anonymous wrote:As rude as your ds was (and I am not disputing that part!), I also understand where it might come from: that account is still very abstract to him. It's not a personal gift from grandpa in the "I went and picked out something for you" I actually think that it is a bit weird not to give him a gift since it sounds like your dad is very wealthy. Are they close, emotionally? Do they spend time together? The card probably feels a little sad.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.
The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!
They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.
The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account. Why have they mentioned this? Because they are so fearful the money train will end.
Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already. The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.
I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.
I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.
The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.
This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.
So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful.
This is kind of right. My grandmother gave us the $10,000 a year for Christmas each year. It’s really a gift to the parents who don’t have to fork over a penny for their kids’ college. It’s a huge gift to them, not to the kid. Of course he should say thank you and be grateful, but it’s not really a gift to the kid.
If the kid applied logic to it he would see it’s a gift to him.
First case: Let’s say the family has a net income of $100,000 per year. With three kids the parents would put $30,000 into accounts. That leaves $70,000 per year income. Sorry kid, you can’t go to the $15,000 camp, it’s too expensive.
Second case: Grandmother gives the kids $30,000 towards college. The family net income is $100,000 per year. They don’t have to worry about setting aside the $30,000. So kid would have the money to go to camp.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.
The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!
They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.
The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account. Why have they mentioned this? Because they are so fearful the money train will end.
Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already. The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.
I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.
I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.
The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.
This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.
So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.
The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!
They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.
The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account. Why have they mentioned this? Because they are so fearful the money train will end.
Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already. The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.
I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.
I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.
The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.
This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.
So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful.
This is kind of right. My grandmother gave us the $10,000 a year for Christmas each year. It’s really a gift to the parents who don’t have to fork over a penny for their kids’ college. It’s a huge gift to them, not to the kid. Of course he should say thank you and be grateful, but it’s not really a gift to the kid.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.
The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!
They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.
The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account. Why have they mentioned this? Because they are so fearful the money train will end.
Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already. The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.
I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.
I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.
The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.
This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.
So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful.
This is kind of right. My grandmother gave us the $10,000 a year for Christmas each year. It’s really a gift to the parents who don’t have to fork over a penny for their kids’ college. It’s a huge gift to them, not to the kid. Of course he should say thank you and be grateful, but it’s not really a gift to the kid.
I disagree, parents paying for college is not a right or necessity. If they’re willing to do so, that’s awesome. But it’s (today at least) not at all the norm. You either earn merit aid, get scholarships, or take out loans. That is the norm.
However if the kid knows that either Grandpa is going to pay, or Mom and Dad will… then yeah. I can actually understand even moreso how that logic of “this is a gift to my parents” would be rational for the kid to think.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.
The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!
They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.
The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account. Why have they mentioned this? Because they are so fearful the money train will end.
Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already. The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.
I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.
I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.
The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.
This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.
So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful.
This is kind of right. My grandmother gave us the $10,000 a year for Christmas each year. It’s really a gift to the parents who don’t have to fork over a penny for their kids’ college. It’s a huge gift to them, not to the kid. Of course he should say thank you and be grateful, but it’s not really a gift to the kid.