Anonymous wrote:I have a high school senior with ADHD and depression, who wants to go to college to have a social life, and I worry so much this will be her.

I'm so sorry OP, for the worry this is causing you.

I've been running scenarios in my mind, and who knows maybe my kid will keep it together. Do you bring her home give her no money and have her work? Enroll in community college?

I don't know. I wish you good luck.

If money is no issue, let her go. If burning 40-80k dollars in one year only for them to fail in every way except socially is okay. Go for it.

—poster who also dealt with many mental health issues and grew up as a gay boy in a small conservative town and viewed going away to school as a way to meet guys and have a social life… and I’m glad my parents didn’t let me. Because otherwise I’d have either wasted tens of thousands of their money—or gone into crippling student debt with no degree to show for it.

It’s honestly, not fair. And your daughter will probably be defiant and angry—but I truly implore you to continue and talk her out of making a bad choice. If you don’t think she can succeed in college on her own.. she probably won’t.

I’m still bitter about missing out on the “college experience” especially given high school sucked as a gay kid in a conservative small city… but i’m also super thankful i’m not saddled with debt/pissed away more of my parent’s money. =/

My boyfriend's brother "failed out" == dropped out, due to depression . He worked a boring job for a year while he lived at home and went to therapy. His college let him back in after the year and then he immediately attended law school. Big-law partner now.

Be gentle on your child, but keep him on track.

Anonymous wrote:I failed out of college - actually was kicked out. I went back on my own dime, got an advanced degree, and have a well-paying career now (late thirties). Don’t worry! Your kid will be fine.

Same here. ADHD (diagnosed as an adult so I didn’t know when I was at school) and anxiety made it so when I got behind I freaked out and stuck my head in the sand.

That said- I did *not* go home- I got a full time job and an apartment with roommates (way easier in the Midwest in the 90s but still possible, I think). My parents were poor so while they might have fed and housed me it wasn’t a permanent solution. I worked some crap jobs until I got a retail management job. I made good money (for my age and no degree) doing that and grew up a lot in the intervening years. When I hit about 21 I knew I needed a plan to stop working retail. By 22 I had gotten a job at a local university that gave free tuition (1 class per semester) as a perk to full time employees.

Did 1 class per semester until I could afford 1 free one self pay now and again and graduated by 29 with no debt.

I went on to get my MA and am a successful director level employee in my field.

Don’t give up on your kid. Get her into therapy and help her seat some goals.

Anonymous wrote:I failed out of college - actually was kicked out. I went back on my own dime, got an advanced degree, and have a well-paying career now (late thirties). Don’t worry! Your kid will be fine.

You do realize you are the unicorn, right? Most kids that fail or drop-out of college...the vast majority...don't ever return.

The least you can do is explain what you did between flunking out...and going back on your own dime.

Not all kids want to go to college and many might, but they aren't mature enough yet. Taking a gap year or two to work is helpful.