Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough. I honestly don't know if my son's school is like this, but I worked at a nearby elementary and it was much like you describe. And yes, it was depressing at times. I have volunteered at my son's school and they were able to sit and listen to a story, and I haven't seen too much chaos at lunch time, but who knows.

When I was growing up... I think I seem to remember there were always THOSE problem kids. Usually kids who had severe issues or were thought to be medicated due to hyperactivity, but they were a handful of kids in the entire school and everybody knew who they were. The behavior issues seem much more widespread now, unless that's just my nostalgia.

OP here... that's how I remember it too. There were definitely those kids, but it was the minority, not the majority.

DD's school has a number system for lunch and specials where they get X number of points based on behavior and they are constantly getting a bad score and DD gets upset about it, because then they get a consequence of some sort for the whole class and there are some that are being perfectly behaved. I've even confirmed with her teacher when we get emails about their poor lunch and specials scores. I just don't get the group punishment.

Then they had an assembly and they gave out awards and the vast majority of the awards are to the poorly behaved kids who are "getting better" (BS) in their behavior. While the kids that never rock the boat and do what they are supposed to are never recognized. I normally wouldn't care about silly school awards, but it's so odd to watch kids that I've heard are problem kids alllll year get an "award". I barely understand it as a parent, but children definitely don't.

But the badly behaved children need even more positive reinforcement. This is to get them out of the poor behavior cycle.

Op here. I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not… imagine being a child that is doing what they’re supposed to and getting group punishments because of the behavior kids. And then a behavior kid “does better” (aka doesn’t assault someone or destroy a classroom) and they are recognized in front of the entire school and the kid that’s been well behaved all along isn’t ever recognized. I’m sorry, but that’s bullsh*t. Even my 8 year old is confused by it because she says they were literally screaming at kids and teachers that week. Make it make sense??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

I love and bake banana bread. But I know what you’re saying and most kids acting like this lost no one, they just have never had responsible parents. It’s laziness for them, full stop, end of. My wealthiest mom friend frequently can’t stand being around her own kid and says so. She does not connect always indulging him, treating him as extra special, not confronting him on his lies, as contributing to his behavior. It is what it is. That’s not you and no one would confuse your very real challenges and sacrifices losses for this kind of crap.

Thank you so much. It means so much to hear that. DCUM can be lovely sometimes.

What am I missing? How is the PP’s comment in any way lovely? She is talking about what crap mom her wealthiest “friend” is. Great friend you are!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough. I honestly don't know if my son's school is like this, but I worked at a nearby elementary and it was much like you describe. And yes, it was depressing at times. I have volunteered at my son's school and they were able to sit and listen to a story, and I haven't seen too much chaos at lunch time, but who knows.

When I was growing up... I think I seem to remember there were always THOSE problem kids. Usually kids who had severe issues or were thought to be medicated due to hyperactivity, but they were a handful of kids in the entire school and everybody knew who they were. The behavior issues seem much more widespread now, unless that's just my nostalgia.

OP here... that's how I remember it too. There were definitely those kids, but it was the minority, not the majority.

DD's school has a number system for lunch and specials where they get X number of points based on behavior and they are constantly getting a bad score and DD gets upset about it, because then they get a consequence of some sort for the whole class and there are some that are being perfectly behaved. I've even confirmed with her teacher when we get emails about their poor lunch and specials scores. I just don't get the group punishment.

Then they had an assembly and they gave out awards and the vast majority of the awards are to the poorly behaved kids who are "getting better" (BS) in their behavior. While the kids that never rock the boat and do what they are supposed to are never recognized. I normally wouldn't care about silly school awards, but it's so odd to watch kids that I've heard are problem kids alllll year get an "award". I barely understand it as a parent, but children definitely don't.

But the badly behaved children need even more positive reinforcement. This is to get them out of the poor behavior cycle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

I love and bake banana bread. But I know what you’re saying and most kids acting like this lost no one, they just have never had responsible parents. It’s laziness for them, full stop, end of. My wealthiest mom friend frequently can’t stand being around her own kid and says so. She does not connect always indulging him, treating him as extra special, not confronting him on his lies, as contributing to his behavior. It is what it is. That’s not you and no one would confuse your very real challenges and sacrifices losses for this kind of crap.

Thank you so much. It means so much to hear that. DCUM can be lovely sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

I love and bake banana bread. But I know what you’re saying and most kids acting like this lost no one, they just have never had responsible parents. It’s laziness for them, full stop, end of. My wealthiest mom friend frequently can’t stand being around her own kid and says so. She does not connect always indulging him, treating him as extra special, not confronting him on his lies, as contributing to his behavior. It is what it is. That’s not you and no one would confuse your very real challenges and sacrifices losses for this kind of crap.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

Exactly. If anything it's the PARENTS who were the most dysregulated during stay at home. That's why kids weren't properly parented.

Mind-blowing and accurate observation. Parents in our very nice neighborhood and at our private school went off the rails during stay at home. I’m on the west coast, and where I live there were constant day drinking parties, shipping the kids off to grandparents’ houses during virtual school for months so they could go solo to wine country or the desert, or parents working full time at home but not having any childcare for very young kids. The kids are a mess at school, but the adults are even worse in how they chafe at expectations. I don’t know how we unwind this mess.

100% this. Parents acted like the world was out to get them because they actuallly had to spend time with kids. I'm not talking parents who were essential workers. I'm talking parents who worked at home all day (2 parent household, both at home). It's like they were pissed because they weren't classified as "important"/essential, and they actually had to parent

Parents in our private school complained that they had to quarantine in their second home

Pacific NW here and parents tried to get synchronous virtual hours shifted later because it was too early for them to start their day on Hawaii time. And the ones who went to Sun Valley or Big Sky wanted an earlier start so they could have a full ski day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

Exactly. If anything it's the PARENTS who were the most dysregulated during stay at home. That's why kids weren't properly parented.

Mind-blowing and accurate observation. Parents in our very nice neighborhood and at our private school went off the rails during stay at home. I’m on the west coast, and where I live there were constant day drinking parties, shipping the kids off to grandparents’ houses during virtual school for months so they could go solo to wine country or the desert, or parents working full time at home but not having any childcare for very young kids. The kids are a mess at school, but the adults are even worse in how they chafe at expectations. I don’t know how we unwind this mess.

100% this. Parents acted like the world was out to get them because they actuallly had to spend time with kids. I'm not talking parents who were essential workers. I'm talking parents who worked at home all day (2 parent household, both at home). It's like they were pissed because they weren't classified as "important"/essential, and they actually had to parent

Parents in our private school complained that they had to quarantine in their second home

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

Exactly. If anything it's the PARENTS who were the most dysregulated during stay at home. That's why kids weren't properly parented.

Mind-blowing and accurate observation. Parents in our very nice neighborhood and at our private school went off the rails during stay at home. I’m on the west coast, and where I live there were constant day drinking parties, shipping the kids off to grandparents’ houses during virtual school for months so they could go solo to wine country or the desert, or parents working full time at home but not having any childcare for very young kids. The kids are a mess at school, but the adults are even worse in how they chafe at expectations. I don’t know how we unwind this mess.

100% this. Parents acted like the world was out to get them because they actuallly had to spend time with kids. I'm not talking parents who were essential workers. I'm talking parents who worked at home all day (2 parent household, both at home). It's like they were pissed because they weren't classified as "important"/essential, and they actually had to parent

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

Exactly. If anything it's the PARENTS who were the most dysregulated during stay at home. That's why kids weren't properly parented.

Mind-blowing and accurate observation. Parents in our very nice neighborhood and at our private school went off the rails during stay at home. I’m on the west coast, and where I live there were constant day drinking parties, shipping the kids off to grandparents’ houses during virtual school for months so they could go solo to wine country or the desert, or parents working full time at home but not having any childcare for very young kids. The kids are a mess at school, but the adults are even worse in how they chafe at expectations. I don’t know how we unwind this mess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is happening all around the country. Junk food, poor parenting.. so the kids who were “those kids” when we grew up are now considered normal kids, and the good kids (“regular kids” when we grew up) really stand out as being calm and well behaved.

My kid's school is not as bad as what OP describes but this rings true to me. The way I parent now would have been considered super chill where I grew up back in the 80s. Because we don't hit our kids, we have some flexibility on stuff like picky eating and letting kids choose their own activities, and we aren't militant about stuff like family dinners and screen time. My parents were much stricter.

But among the families we know through school, I think we are considered very strict because we we insist on good manners and will do things like leave a playground or party if one of our kids is being rude or not playing well with others. Most of the families we know just watch their kids being jerks and will kind of casually say "Don't forget to share, Mason" while Mason is shoving kids off the slide so he can spider climb up it 40x in a row, and then turn back to their phone or conversation.

Op here. This totally resonates. My boomer parents even tell me I’m too lax and but they just have no idea. I’m incredibly strict compared to what I’ve seen of most of her classmates’ parents. Now the parents at her activity are more on my wavelength and not surprisingly, their kids are much better behaved.

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you and the other parents can talk to the administration about ending these group punishments? They are clearly not working and making the school experience miserable.