Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

Most women do not call the police the first time they are abused..... they are too confused, fall for the apology/explanation, etc. Its a very confusing time for the partner beause their world is truned upside down. Even men who are "super sweet" and "hilarious" to friends can be abusers.

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Anonymous wrote:It's unfathomable to me that this happened to a couple you know and your concern is... him. WTF. He was arrested for domestic violence!! How about his poor wife and children, ie the victims??

With so many people like you out there I'm sure his reputation will be fine in no time. Ugh.

Exactly. Women were bringing my abusive ex dinners after he showed back up after a three week drinking binge where no one knew where he was.

No one offered to help me write my resume when he took all of our money and I became the breadwinner after a decade long career gap- ironically. But dang did he get fed. It was like women knew he was hapless so helped him. I was apparently considered capable and left to fend for myself while I recovered from his abuse and the years of post separation abuse that followed.

I’m so sorry. I am shocked at some people’s behaviour. It’s like men that marry literally months after their wives pass away. What is wrong with these men and the women they subsequently marry

DP. It's the same mentality, in some women (not all, some), as those who correspond with criminals who are in prison and insist the criminals are just misunderstood and/or are reforming. A craving to rescue someone. Unfortunately they wear rose-colored glasses they cannot take off and don't see that the reformed, misunderstood men are highly likely to repeat the same types of offenses.

For those posting about men who beat wives and children and then got their criminal records or charges expunged -- WTF? How? In the case of the woman whose face was black and blue, how did the man get off that charge? I'm asking seriously. What a lawyer he must have had.

You do realize a husband will be arrested and booked for a mere push or grabbing a wife's wrists or anything along those lines if she calls the 911, right? "Black and blue" is very, very rare and on the extreme end of typical domestic violence calls.

“a mere push” is the prelude to black & blue.

Bullshit.

Not bullshit at all. A man who feels entitled to push his wife has no boundaries against physical violence, and escalation can happen. If you’re the man and you feel unjustly accused here, grow up. The moment you decide to use physical force against the wife is the moment that you begin to deserve everything the legal system has to throw at you.

You are off your rocker.

DP. No, she's not. You, clearly, have a conditioned view of DV and an apologist.

I actually know a white collar guy like this who truly appears to believe that pushing/slapping/shoving his wife is totally justifiable. He cannot even bring himself to pretend in court. So now he has no home, can’t see kids, and will probably end up with much less than 50% of the assets. Truly astonishing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BIL caught his wife cheating. He decided to go to counseling and forgave her.

He caught her a 2nd time in a parking lot banging some dude at work,

She is a very successful CPA, CFO.

He drove up knocked on the window then drove home.

She came home and he open hand slapped her across the face.

He was charged with DV.

Yes, I think he can he reformed but truthfully I don’t think he is a domestic abuser.

BIL??? So he slapped your sister? Your sister is the cheating Ho?

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unfathomable to me that this happened to a couple you know and your concern is... him. WTF. He was arrested for domestic violence!! How about his poor wife and children, ie the victims??

With so many people like you out there I'm sure his reputation will be fine in no time. Ugh.

Exactly. Women were bringing my abusive ex dinners after he showed back up after a three week drinking binge where no one knew where he was.

No one offered to help me write my resume when he took all of our money and I became the breadwinner after a decade long career gap- ironically. But dang did he get fed. It was like women knew he was hapless so helped him. I was apparently considered capable and left to fend for myself while I recovered from his abuse and the years of post separation abuse that followed.

I’m so sorry. I am shocked at some people’s behaviour. It’s like men that marry literally months after their wives pass away. What is wrong with these men and the women they subsequently marry

DP. It's the same mentality, in some women (not all, some), as those who correspond with criminals who are in prison and insist the criminals are just misunderstood and/or are reforming. A craving to rescue someone. Unfortunately they wear rose-colored glasses they cannot take off and don't see that the reformed, misunderstood men are highly likely to repeat the same types of offenses.

For those posting about men who beat wives and children and then got their criminal records or charges expunged -- WTF? How? In the case of the woman whose face was black and blue, how did the man get off that charge? I'm asking seriously. What a lawyer he must have had.

You do realize a husband will be arrested and booked for a mere push or grabbing a wife's wrists or anything along those lines if she calls the 911, right? "Black and blue" is very, very rare and on the extreme end of typical domestic violence calls.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unfathomable to me that this happened to a couple you know and your concern is... him. WTF. He was arrested for domestic violence!! How about his poor wife and children, ie the victims??

With so many people like you out there I'm sure his reputation will be fine in no time. Ugh.

Exactly. Women were bringing my abusive ex dinners after he showed back up after a three week drinking binge where no one knew where he was.

No one offered to help me write my resume when he took all of our money and I became the breadwinner after a decade long career gap- ironically. But dang did he get fed. It was like women knew he was hapless so helped him. I was apparently considered capable and left to fend for myself while I recovered from his abuse and the years of post separation abuse that followed.

I’m so sorry. I am shocked at some people’s behaviour. It’s like men that marry literally months after their wives pass away. What is wrong with these men and the women they subsequently marry

DP. It's the same mentality, in some women (not all, some), as those who correspond with criminals who are in prison and insist the criminals are just misunderstood and/or are reforming. A craving to rescue someone. Unfortunately they wear rose-colored glasses they cannot take off and don't see that the reformed, misunderstood men are highly likely to repeat the same types of offenses.

For those posting about men who beat wives and children and then got their criminal records or charges expunged -- WTF? How? In the case of the woman whose face was black and blue, how did the man get off that charge? I'm asking seriously. What a lawyer he must have had.

You do realize a husband will be arrested and booked for a mere push or grabbing a wife's wrists or anything along those lines if she calls the 911, right? "Black and blue" is very, very rare and on the extreme end of typical domestic violence calls.

“a mere push” is the prelude to black & blue.

Bullshit.

Not bullshit at all. A man who feels entitled to push his wife has no boundaries against physical violence, and escalation can happen. If you’re the man and you feel unjustly accused here, grow up. The moment you decide to use physical force against the wife is the moment that you begin to deserve everything the legal system has to throw at you.

You are off your rocker.

DP. No, she's not. You, clearly, have a conditioned view of DV and an apologist.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else wondering if OP is the wife trying to get a sense of how her circle will react?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unfathomable to me that this happened to a couple you know and your concern is... him. WTF. He was arrested for domestic violence!! How about his poor wife and children, ie the victims??

With so many people like you out there I'm sure his reputation will be fine in no time. Ugh.

Exactly. Women were bringing my abusive ex dinners after he showed back up after a three week drinking binge where no one knew where he was.

No one offered to help me write my resume when he took all of our money and I became the breadwinner after a decade long career gap- ironically. But dang did he get fed. It was like women knew he was hapless so helped him. I was apparently considered capable and left to fend for myself while I recovered from his abuse and the years of post separation abuse that followed.

I’m so sorry. I am shocked at some people’s behaviour. It’s like men that marry literally months after their wives pass away. What is wrong with these men and the women they subsequently marry

DP. It's the same mentality, in some women (not all, some), as those who correspond with criminals who are in prison and insist the criminals are just misunderstood and/or are reforming. A craving to rescue someone. Unfortunately they wear rose-colored glasses they cannot take off and don't see that the reformed, misunderstood men are highly likely to repeat the same types of offenses.

For those posting about men who beat wives and children and then got their criminal records or charges expunged -- WTF? How? In the case of the woman whose face was black and blue, how did the man get off that charge? I'm asking seriously. What a lawyer he must have had.

You do realize a husband will be arrested and booked for a mere push or grabbing a wife's wrists or anything along those lines if she calls the 911, right? "Black and blue" is very, very rare and on the extreme end of typical domestic violence calls.

“a mere push” is the prelude to black & blue.

Bullshit.

Not bullshit at all. A man who feels entitled to push his wife has no boundaries against physical violence, and escalation can happen. If you’re the man and you feel unjustly accused here, grow up. The moment you decide to use physical force against the wife is the moment that you begin to deserve everything the legal system has to throw at you.

You are off your rocker.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating/infidelity causes people to snap. People who have never been violent or angry can throw things and lash out. “Crime of passion”.

It’s a dangerous time—discovery of an affair and quite unpredictable.

Adults can manage their emotions without "snapping". Passion is no excuse and violence is a choice.

I think when a spouse finds out their spouse has been having sex with others behind their back, they get one free nut punch or see-u-next-Tuesday punch.

I mean that is a lot less dangerous/harmful than being exposed to hiv, herpes, HPV, syphillis, etc., without consent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating/infidelity causes people to snap. People who have never been violent or angry can throw things and lash out. “Crime of passion”.

It’s a dangerous time—discovery of an affair and quite unpredictable.

Adults can manage their emotions without "snapping". Passion is no excuse and violence is a choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a doctor who was arrested for striking his wife during an argument. She called the cops, he was arrested and a lawyer got him out but he still had a mugshot. The hospital quietly dismissed him and they moved out of state. He’s still practicing and they’re still married.

You are not going to find a lot of women willing to cut off and imprison the main source of income for themselves and their kids. That’s why men get away with it.

Anonymous wrote:Cheating/infidelity causes people to snap. People who have never been violent or angry can throw things and lash out. “Crime of passion”.

It’s a dangerous time—discovery of an affair and quite unpredictable.