Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:way worse deal for women and I am married to a man who does a lot, including all the grocery shopping and cooking every night. But women are always stuck with the unquantifiable chores and lift of all the mental drain of parenting. Christmas is about to break me, every single gift purchased and wrapped by me, the xmas card, all the other things like teacher gifts, extended family coordination. I work too. He has no idea he has a persnal assistant, event planner and joy creater living with him and the kids

I’m a woman in the same boat, but I recognize that most men do not care about anything but the basics! They don’t value Christmas decorations, wrapped gifts, cards, matching pajamas, etc. etc. And they kind of have a point. We as women often go overboard, stress ourselves out, and get resentful we’re taken for granted when in reality both husband and kids would be very happy with more paired down celebratory periods and family/friend focused quality time.

I remember as a kid growing up just wishing my mom would pay attention to me when she was so focused decorating the house to the 9’s.

I am a woman. I don’t care about that stuff. I don’t decorate.

I’m a woman. I do minimal decoration at the major holidays only because I have children. Once they graduate HS, I don’t know if I will ever do it again.

As for regular decorating: we live in a small apartment. Our belongings need to be functional. I try to find functional items that aren’t actively ugly. But there’s no design term that would describe what our home looks like. Pinterest doesn’t live here. We do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[b]The better question is why would a woman get married?[/b] My two daughters don’t see the benefit.

Why would any woman or man get married? Answer - Not to live in sin

So don’t cohabitate. I don’t advise marriage or cohabitation.

You are naive if you think people can live without sex. If you don’t have any drive, that’s on you. Marriage is the only proper way to fulfill one’s desires

I almost took you seriously until that last sentence.

Masturbation is more likely than partnered sex to have a 100% success rate at satisfaction.

Unmarried sex is just as satisfying as married sex.

You’re on that morally sloppy slope where your next step is to believe sex is solely for the purpose of reproduction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy there are some bitter, miserable people on this board. Wow. Both men and women. Holy cow.

This!! What a depressing thread - does not reflect the real world. Most married couples I know are happy!

Then you are either very fortunate or very naive.

My first marriage was evidence to my loved ones that you can’t truly know what is happening in someone else marriage. A friend wrote that she was “shaken” to learn that my then-H was abusive. I don’t think I’m that good an actress. People just used their unconscious bias to decide he would be a good husband and I didn’t disagree with them. After I left him, other women I know began to confide in me about abuse they, too suffered. But they stayed married and 17 years later, still present the facade of a happy couple. In the same 24 hour period, they might tell me how much they dread coming home and then post photos captioned “25 years with my best friend!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[b]The better question is why would a woman get married?[/b] My two daughters don’t see the benefit.

Why would any woman or man get married? Answer - Not to live in sin

So don’t cohabitate. I don’t advise marriage or cohabitation.

You are naive if you think people can live without sex. If you don’t have any drive, that’s on you. Marriage is the only proper way to fulfill one’s desires

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:way worse deal for women and I am married to a man who does a lot, including all the grocery shopping and cooking every night. But women are always stuck with the unquantifiable chores and lift of all the mental drain of parenting. Christmas is about to break me, every single gift purchased and wrapped by me, the xmas card, all the other things like teacher gifts, extended family coordination. I work too. He has no idea he has a persnal assistant, event planner and joy creater living with him and the kids

I’m a woman in the same boat, but I recognize that most men do not care about anything but the basics! They don’t value Christmas decorations, wrapped gifts, cards, matching pajamas, etc. etc. And they kind of have a point. We as women often go overboard, stress ourselves out, and get resentful we’re taken for granted when in reality both husband and kids would be very happy with more paired down celebratory periods and family/friend focused quality time.

I remember as a kid growing up just wishing my mom would pay attention to me when she was so focused decorating the house to the 9’s.

I am a woman. I don’t care about that stuff. I don’t decorate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[b]The better question is why would a woman get married?[/b] My two daughters don’t see the benefit.

Why would any woman or man get married? Answer - Not to live in sin

So don’t cohabitate. I don’t advise marriage or cohabitation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The better question is why would a woman get married? My two daughters don’t see the benefit.

+1

It’s more of a detriment for women to marry than for men.

It has been for a long time.

In ancient times, marriage meant childbearing. You either put your life on the line (50% chance of death in childbed) or you were considered barren. At the very least, you were pitied or reviled, but there was a good chance you would be set aside (divorced) if your culture didn’t have a polygyny or “Handmaid” tradition.

In Europe’s medieval period, even nuns in a convent had more freedom than married women. They could read, play music, and even adopt children. No need to risk your life with constant childbearing to some man whose only qualification as a husband is that he made an alliance with your family or their king.

In the 1700s and 1800s, Highland Scots newlywed brides made their burial shrouds the day after the wedding as a courtesy to their loved ones because the rates of postpartum death were so high.

Once society allows women to earn a living wage, they will actively seek alternatives to marriage. This pattern is shown all over the world when countries start to reform laws and private policies that limit women’s educational and work opportunities. Women don’t need a man to support them. They just need men to get out of their way and let them support themselves.

If society wants to counter balance that, men have to change themselves. Stop acting helpless when it comes to basic adulting around the household. Engage in some emotional intimacy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy there are some bitter, miserable people on this board. Wow. Both men and women. Holy cow.

This!! What a depressing thread - does not reflect the real world. Most married couples I know are happy!

I only know one truly happy couple. Mid 40s here.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, some of the responses on here are ridiculous. Don’t marry if you don’t want to but seems you are missing out on a wonderful, intimate relationship.

Not all marriages are like that…it is a problem you don’t understand that.

-signed miserably married for 10 years before getting the courage to divorce due to people around me spewing this nonsense as if all marriages are like what you describe

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is only good if its between two people who are in love, are compatible, deeply care about each other and want to build a life together.

This is the main problem. Increasingly people of both sizes don't have this capability with anyone. They have no idea or interest in doing this

Sizes should be sexes. My feeling basically is that people do not have the skills or determination to make marriage work. They are too self absorbed and there is too much freedom in America which leads to dissatisfaction.

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is overrated!

Thank you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol even my DH knows that he'd be screwed without me (though not literally). Marriage is such a good deal for men.

Why is it such a good deal for men? Eat the same cereal every day? No way! I’ll take the variety pack.

You wish you could score the variety pack, loser!

Salty much? You don’t even understand my comment. Enjoy your Cheerios.

Anonymous wrote:My wife complains about every task. Paid work, cleaning the house, cooking, etc. I work , take care of the dishes, do most of the cooking, most of the shopping and all of the home maintenance. However, my wife handles most of the cognitive load of scheduling, medical appointments, family and friend gatherings, etc. She deals with the more stressful part of family life that I tend to think men avoid. Part of it I suspect is control issues or not trusting me to fulfill those tasks, but in general I know she can do a much better job of handling those stressful activities than me.

Modern family life is stressful especially in a place like the DMV. If partners are not able to manage and assign those stresses accordingly, it can seem “unfair”.

Dude. Just take in one of those tasks and get it done. Do you do anything that isn’t menial at work? Then you can coordinate a freaking family gathering or plan a vacation. JFC.

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is only good if its between two people who are in love, are compatible, deeply care about each other and want to build a life together.

This is the main problem. Increasingly people of both sizes don't have this capability with anyone. They have no idea or interest in doing this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any woman who would be a net positive financial won't be interested, and women, more generally, only care about themselves and their kids. Cannot find a woman who would sacrifice anything meaningful for her husband. I see no reason why a man would get married these days.

Have kids,
Free childcare
Someone to clean the house
Extra paycheck income
Need a date at some events
Someone to take care of me
Runs the schedules and holidays
All those bills and emails to respond to
Buy me new clothes and shoes
Provide delicious meals and foods at home

What if she's unattractive or fat with thick stubby legs?