Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

I’m this poster. It sometimes surprises me how other people assess risk although it’s not clear whether some are just worried about breaking the law vs actual risk. The chance of a house fire or burglary in the 40 mins I was out running was minuscule. It’s not like I was doing this every day. On the other hand, I was the mother who kept her kids in a five point harness seat and in the back row long after their friends had moved to booster seats because the risk of a car accident isn’t minuscule and evidence shows five point harnesses and being in the backseat are MUCH more effective in protecting children from serious injury.

In terms of emotional damage, I’m not seeing it yet. You realise that in many cultures, independence is encouraged at a much younger age and everyone isn’t damaged by it. But of course you have to do it, thoughtfully. My children knew how to phone me and, since I was running from my house, it wasn’t like I was going to be stuck in traffic. I was very attuned to their reaction after the first time and wouldn’t have done it again, if they had seemed upset or disturbed.

You’re a selfish pig

No. She's rational.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

I’m this poster. It sometimes surprises me how other people assess risk although it’s not clear whether some are just worried about breaking the law vs actual risk. The chance of a house fire or burglary in the 40 mins I was out running was minuscule. It’s not like I was doing this every day. On the other hand, I was the mother who kept her kids in a five point harness seat and in the back row long after their friends had moved to booster seats because the risk of a car accident isn’t minuscule and evidence shows five point harnesses and being in the backseat are MUCH more effective in protecting children from serious injury.

In terms of emotional damage, I’m not seeing it yet. You realise that in many cultures, independence is encouraged at a much younger age and everyone isn’t damaged by it. But of course you have to do it, thoughtfully. My children knew how to phone me and, since I was running from my house, it wasn’t like I was going to be stuck in traffic. I was very attuned to their reaction after the first time and wouldn’t have done it again, if they had seemed upset or disturbed.

You’re a selfish pig

Sure. But does your child have a smartphone? There is actual data from multiple sources showing a statistically high probability this is damaging their mental health. That’s the stuff most of you should spend your time worrying about.

I would if it were me walking the dog around the block. Not for anything involving a car ride.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

It’s not all about physical safety, it’s also about emotional security. I’ll bet the younger child was just fine, but you almost certainly put too much of a burden on your older child. Six is too young to be left at home alone babysitting. I don’t care how you sugarcoat it, you caused your child to have unnecessary anxiety. I wouldn’t be surprised if the effects don’t rear their ugly head in years to come. It could be depression or anxiety or other forms of insecurity. It could develop at any point. And all because you wanted a run?

Why not get a treadmill? Shame on you!

She mentioned the neighbors -- it's likely her kid was told "if you have any problem at all, Carol is in her garden right next door and she knows I'm out -- you can go to her for anything."

If a neighbor was around and knew the kids were home alone, the kids were not really home alone and the older one wasn't "babysitting." They were just being given a slightly more advanced level of independence than, say, playing in the yard on their own, or playing upstairs on their own while parents entertain in the kitchen.

You’re making excuses, because none of us want to mommy shame. It’s fine to tell a ten year old that you’re going to step out for a run and to contact Mrs. Smith next door if there are any issues, but it’s not okay for a six year old with a younger sibling.

Do you remember being that age? I was afraid to go to my basement or garage alone, even with everyone in the house. It’s cruel to leave such a young child in charge of a sibling, even with nice neighbors.

Why not just ask the neighbors to babysit? You could get a high schooler or college kid to come every day for an hour while you run.

This is way too much strain for such a young child. Twenty years from now, mom is going to wonder why older kid failed to launch or why he/she has so much anxiety, etc. We’ll, I know why.

You think if PP’s child has anxiety / fails to launch in 20 years, it will all be because her mother left her alone with a sibling for 20 minutes to go pick up milk?!?! Wtf. My kids love watching their cartoons and could care less what I’m doing / where I am.

PP get your kid in therapy now, those 20 minutes apparently just ruined her life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way and I can’t believe how people are saying they would. They must not understand brain development. You might think your kid is “mature” for 6 (a ridiculous concept) and that you have done such a great job teaching them life skills, but there is going to be an element of unpredictability to their behavior and decision making simply due to their age. Especially if something unexpected happens to you or in the home while you’re gone. You aren’t teaching a 6 year old independence and life skills leaving them home alone. You’re making them feel unsafe whether they verbalize it or not.

There’s a reason it’s illegal. I can’t believe this has to be explained to some of you. Having kids isn’t always convenient. Did you not think about this type of thing when you decided to have multiple children?

It is shocking to me that people are getting this dramatic about people leaving kids alone for 10-20 minutes. They’re alone that long if I’m mowing the lawn! I mean I would not drive a half hour away to go to the grocery store and leave a kid alone but my god, walking the dog? Picking up a sibling? Going to a nearby shop for a gallon of milk? Kids, when taught and believed in, are more competent and smart than anyone gives them credit for (asterisk for depends on the kid here)

They are not alone if you are in your yard mowing the lawn! Are you this dim? If I get in the car and leave than they are alone!

My mil left my dh and his sister to pick up his eldest sister. He was 3 years old and taking a nap. Middle sister was 8. She came home and five minutes later a police man showed up with my dh. Seems he got out of bed and tried to find her. Got all the way up to Nebraska avenue ( they lived in Spring Valley) he could have been hit by a car. Thank goodness he knew his address! So my sil at age 8 would have felt terrible if her baby brother had died under her watch. ( my mil still feels guilty!)

They are 100% basically as at risk for say, a fire, if I'm mowing the lawn. My lawn is big! I frequently put in headphones. If I was out there and my kid was playing Nintendo in the living room it is the same. It is 100% plausible that I would not make eye contact with the house for 20 minutes and I certainly wouldn't notice smoke happening on the other side of it (the kitchen). My son, in the living room, would be in virtually the same situation.

That said I actually really agree with people saying you shouldn't be leaving a 6 YO (or 8YO) in charge of a younger child, especially a child under 5, that type of parentification should be avoided outside of emergency situations because of exactly what you describe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

I’m this poster. It sometimes surprises me how other people assess risk although it’s not clear whether some are just worried about breaking the law vs actual risk. The chance of a house fire or burglary in the 40 mins I was out running was minuscule. It’s not like I was doing this every day. On the other hand, I was the mother who kept her kids in a five point harness seat and in the back row long after their friends had moved to booster seats because the risk of a car accident isn’t minuscule and evidence shows five point harnesses and being in the backseat are MUCH more effective in protecting children from serious injury.

In terms of emotional damage, I’m not seeing it yet. You realise that in many cultures, independence is encouraged at a much younger age and everyone isn’t damaged by it. But of course you have to do it, thoughtfully. My children knew how to phone me and, since I was running from my house, it wasn’t like I was going to be stuck in traffic. I was very attuned to their reaction after the first time and wouldn’t have done it again, if they had seemed upset or disturbed.

You’re a selfish pig

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

I’m this poster. It sometimes surprises me how other people assess risk although it’s not clear whether some are just worried about breaking the law vs actual risk. The chance of a house fire or burglary in the 40 mins I was out running was minuscule. It’s not like I was doing this every day. On the other hand, I was the mother who kept her kids in a five point harness seat and in the back row long after their friends had moved to booster seats because the risk of a car accident isn’t minuscule and evidence shows five point harnesses and being in the backseat are MUCH more effective in protecting children from serious injury.

In terms of emotional damage, I’m not seeing it yet. You realise that in many cultures, independence is encouraged at a much younger age and everyone isn’t damaged by it. But of course you have to do it, thoughtfully. My children knew how to phone me and, since I was running from my house, it wasn’t like I was going to be stuck in traffic. I was very attuned to their reaction after the first time and wouldn’t have done it again, if they had seemed upset or disturbed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way and I can’t believe how people are saying they would. They must not understand brain development. You might think your kid is “mature” for 6 (a ridiculous concept) and that you have done such a great job teaching them life skills, but there is going to be an element of unpredictability to their behavior and decision making simply due to their age. Especially if something unexpected happens to you or in the home while you’re gone. You aren’t teaching a 6 year old independence and life skills leaving them home alone. You’re making them feel unsafe whether they verbalize it or not.

There’s a reason it’s illegal. I can’t believe this has to be explained to some of you. Having kids isn’t always convenient. Did you not think about this type of thing when you decided to have multiple children?

It is shocking to me that people are getting this dramatic about people leaving kids alone for 10-20 minutes. They’re alone that long if I’m mowing the lawn! I mean I would not drive a half hour away to go to the grocery store and leave a kid alone but my god, walking the dog? Picking up a sibling? Going to a nearby shop for a gallon of milk? Kids, when taught and believed in, are more competent and smart than anyone gives them credit for (asterisk for depends on the kid here)

They are not alone if you are in your yard mowing the lawn! Are you this dim? If I get in the car and leave than they are alone!

My mil left my dh and his sister to pick up his eldest sister. He was 3 years old and taking a nap. Middle sister was 8. She came home and five minutes later a police man showed up with my dh. Seems he got out of bed and tried to find her. Got all the way up to Nebraska avenue ( they lived in Spring Valley) he could have been hit by a car. Thank goodness he knew his address! So my sil at age 8 would have felt terrible if her baby brother had died under her watch. ( my mil still feels guilty!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

It’s not all about physical safety, it’s also about emotional security. I’ll bet the younger child was just fine, but you almost certainly put too much of a burden on your older child. Six is too young to be left at home alone babysitting. I don’t care how you sugarcoat it, you caused your child to have unnecessary anxiety. I wouldn’t be surprised if the effects don’t rear their ugly head in years to come. It could be depression or anxiety or other forms of insecurity. It could develop at any point. And all because you wanted a run?

Why not get a treadmill? Shame on you!

She mentioned the neighbors -- it's likely her kid was told "if you have any problem at all, Carol is in her garden right next door and she knows I'm out -- you can go to her for anything."

If a neighbor was around and knew the kids were home alone, the kids were not really home alone and the older one wasn't "babysitting." They were just being given a slightly more advanced level of independence than, say, playing in the yard on their own, or playing upstairs on their own while parents entertain in the kitchen.

You’re making excuses, because none of us want to mommy shame. It’s fine to tell a ten year old that you’re going to step out for a run and to contact Mrs. Smith next door if there are any issues, but it’s not okay for a six year old with a younger sibling.

Do you remember being that age? I was afraid to go to my basement or garage alone, even with everyone in the house. It’s cruel to leave such a young child in charge of a sibling, even with nice neighbors.

Why not just ask the neighbors to babysit? You could get a high schooler or college kid to come every day for an hour while you run.

This is way too much strain for such a young child. Twenty years from now, mom is going to wonder why older kid failed to launch or why he/she has so much anxiety, etc. We’ll, I know why.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The laws are the laws, yes, but you need to have common sense too. In MD, the legal age is 8.

So technically, it’s “illegal” to leave a child home alone for 5 minutes the day before they turn eight. The next day, is “legal” to leave them for 8 hours.

There’s laws, and then there’s common sense. If you aren’t breaking a law, and your 6-7 yo (1) has the maturity; (2) knows how to reach you or an adult; and (3) can sit still for 20 minutes watching an iPad or reading a book… yes, I’d be comfortable leaving them.

A 6-7 yr old is not mature enough, period. OP wants to leave for 10-30 min by car. If there is an emergency and they call 991 ( if they even have phone access) and says they are h9me alone, you will be arrested. If go to a neighbors, for an emergency or really anything, you will be relying on the goodness of your neighbor not to report you to CPS (if they are even home, and if they even bother coming to the door). What about if you are in a car accident and can’t get home at all or severely delayed and you can’t reach someone to go help your child? What about if the internet goes out and they no longer able to be planted on the couch with iPad? What about if they want something they can’t reach and climb onto a chair and fall? I really cannot believe people would leave a 6 yr old home alone for 30 min while they drove to go run errands

Did you mean 911? Just trying to figure out if it was a mistake or you don't live in the states

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

It’s not all about physical safety, it’s also about emotional security. I’ll bet the younger child was just fine, but you almost certainly put too much of a burden on your older child. Six is too young to be left at home alone babysitting. I don’t care how you sugarcoat it, you caused your child to have unnecessary anxiety. I wouldn’t be surprised if the effects don’t rear their ugly head in years to come. It could be depression or anxiety or other forms of insecurity. It could develop at any point. And all because you wanted a run?

Why not get a treadmill? Shame on you!

She mentioned the neighbors -- it's likely her kid was told "if you have any problem at all, Carol is in her garden right next door and she knows I'm out -- you can go to her for anything."

If a neighbor was around and knew the kids were home alone, the kids were not really home alone and the older one wasn't "babysitting." They were just being given a slightly more advanced level of independence than, say, playing in the yard on their own, or playing upstairs on their own while parents entertain in the kitchen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

But this is known for sure in hindsight. My kids were the same, but I couldn't 100% guarantee it at 4 and 6 yo.

NP. I feel like I could 100% guarantee this right now for my 6 year old. She's exceedingly cautious, and especially if I left her with a movie and some snacks, I'd have 0 worries that she'd do anything dangerous.

I think the bigger issue for me would be external factors. I wouldn't leave my 6 yo at home along for 40 minutes because we live in a condo building and what if there was a fire in another unit? What if there was a police incident and they tried to evacuate the building? And so on. If we lived in a house on a quiet suburban street and I could ask my next door neighbor to keep an eye out? Sure. In our current location where there are a lot of variables DD has zero control over? No way. As it stands, I'll leave her in the apartment for 10-15 minutes to run to a neighbors apartment, go mail something at the mailbox around the corner, or run to a bodega right downstairs. I would not leave our block without having an adult watching her.

So the PP is right that this is kid dependent, but it's also situation-dependent. The thing is, I am more cautious with my 6 yo than she was with her, despite them probably having similar maturity levels, but also I can see her riding public transportation around the city on her own by the time she's 10 or 11, and most suburban kids probably won't get that level of independence that early. So everything is relative.

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

It’s not all about physical safety, it’s also about emotional security. I’ll bet the younger child was just fine, but you almost certainly put too much of a burden on your older child. Six is too young to be left at home alone babysitting. I don’t care how you sugarcoat it, you caused your child to have unnecessary anxiety. I wouldn’t be surprised if the effects don’t rear their ugly head in years to come. It could be depression or anxiety or other forms of insecurity. It could develop at any point. And all because you wanted a run?

Why not get a treadmill? Shame on you!

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

But this is known for sure in hindsight. My kids were the same, but I couldn't 100% guarantee it at 4 and 6 yo.

When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.