Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are far more middle class students at these expensive privates than there are genuinely low-income students on full aid, and middle class families DO move to get into better publics.

So we ARE talking about families with decent publics who choose to significantly dent their lifestyle and/or savings for privates. I know multiple families like this: the common denominator for all these parents is that "grass is always greener", and they crystallize all the little disappointments they feel about their kids' development and school experience into this idea that if only they go to X School, everything will be fixed. And then everything doesn't get fixed, but they rationalize their choice to themselves and convince themselves that it would never have worked at the previous school. We all do this when making important choices, BTW, this is not a criticism! It's an observation.

I live in a nice area close to DC where families are evenly split on public vs private attendance. The public schools are great. Two things I've noticed:
1. Kids with ADHD (and other not-too-severe issues) are often placed in private settings before parents realize that the public wasn't the problem, it was their kid who needed a neuropsychological evaluation and treatment. My kid with high-functioning autism was evaluated, given services and stayed in public.
2. Movement to private during virtual learning in public. For older teens, it made sense to pluck struggling ones out of public and let them finish their high school education in private. But parents with younger kids who did this are now in it for years of tuition payments, to fix a very temporary problem.

I'm a product of private schools (never went to public), and when I lived abroad, I placed my kids in international private schools. I'm not an enemy of privates, not at all! But I want to build generational wealth, and it's disconcerting to see friends and acquaintances spend their hard-earned money on privates, when their kids would do just as well in their decent neighborhood public, and they could invest their dollars to hoist themselves out of the middle class.

It's 'disconcerting' that other people have different priorities than you. That sounds very insecure. You realize they are marching toward a different goal and that's ok. Does it make you question your decision to value money over education?

Money is easily lost; an education not so much.

Anonymous wrote:

There are far more middle class students at these expensive privates than there are genuinely low-income students on full aid, and middle class families DO move to get into better publics.

So we ARE talking about families with decent publics who choose to significantly dent their lifestyle and/or savings for privates. I know multiple families like this: the common denominator for all these parents is that "grass is always greener", and they crystallize all the little disappointments they feel about their kids' development and school experience into this idea that if only they go to X School, everything will be fixed. And then everything doesn't get fixed, but they rationalize their choice to themselves and convince themselves that it would never have worked at the previous school. We all do this when making important choices, BTW, this is not a criticism! It's an observation.

I live in a nice area close to DC where families are evenly split on public vs private attendance. The public schools are great. Two things I've noticed:
1. Kids with ADHD (and other not-too-severe issues) are often placed in private settings before parents realize that the public wasn't the problem, it was their kid who needed a neuropsychological evaluation and treatment. My kid with high-functioning autism was evaluated, given services and stayed in public.
2. Movement to private during virtual learning in public. For older teens, it made sense to pluck struggling ones out of public and let them finish their high school education in private. But parents with younger kids who did this are now in it for years of tuition payments, to fix a very temporary problem.

I'm a product of private schools (never went to public), and when I lived abroad, I placed my kids in international private schools. I'm not an enemy of privates, not at all! But I want to build generational wealth, and it's disconcerting to see friends and acquaintances spend their hard-earned money on privates, when their kids would do just as well in their decent neighborhood public, and they could invest their dollars to hoist themselves out of the middle class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

What? It’s not like state schools are completely low stress compared to Ivies. I was pre med at UVA and there is plenty of competition and striver types there too.

Anonymous wrote:
I entirely agree, OP.

Having gone through the college admissions process last year, and seen kids in public and private apply and get in, I see that outcomes are the same.

And if you want private for another reason, well, it better be a really, really, good one. I kept my ADHD/ASD kid in public and he was well-served with an IEP and its associated services and accommodations. I have another kid who is gifted, and we requested all sorts of advanced tracks for her. This wasn't easy to navigate, but it was cheaper than private, and it means we still have enough for our personal lives, expensive tutoring, extra-curriculars, and college. My friends' kids in private are still spending that much outside of their schools, because it's not like private school kids don't need tutors and ECs! For all kids, the demands of getting them where they should be are always going to be on the parents, not the school.

So for most people, I don't think private is worth it if you can't write the check without blinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many people who pop into the forum for private schools to campaign for public school. I spend a lot of money on education and it's where I choose to spend my money. My kids are happy and love school. That wasn't the case when we were in public, even though the school was highly rated on "Great Schools". The campus wasn't secure, there were kids throwing pencils and other stuff around the class, and one teacher had almost 30 first graders.

Do some people love public school? I'm sure. But it wasn't my jam and the money I spend makes the lives of my kids - and frankly my own life - much happier. If your kid loves public and the education is working for your family - I love that for you. If someone wants to live paycheck to paycheck to pay for private school - I am going to assume there is a really valid reason for that family.

And since we're all anonymous here, we can go deeper in that psyche and realize that this doesn't really make sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

That would be 2x my child's time, which is also valuable. DC is at the top of their class and doesn't need a tutor but better opportunities and an environment where students are there to learn. You are making the mistake of assuming that everyone who is at a lower HHI or wealth than you is looking for something other than a solid education. Not to mention the private consultant is no guarantee at all of admission. I want my child to be completely prepared for university and life beyond- academically and otherwise. And I'm not looking for them to put in 2x+ of their already limited time to study more after they went to school and studied there.

If you can barely afford high school, how are you going to afford university? Other parents in your situation are sending their kids to public and saving the money for college

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

That would be 2x my child's time, which is also valuable. DC is at the top of their class and doesn't need a tutor but better opportunities and an environment where students are there to learn. You are making the mistake of assuming that everyone who is at a lower HHI or wealth than you is looking for something other than a solid education. Not to mention the private consultant is no guarantee at all of admission. I want my child to be completely prepared for university and life beyond- academically and otherwise. And I'm not looking for them to put in 2x+ of their already limited time to study more after they went to school and studied there.

If you can barely afford high school, how are you going to afford university? Other parents in your situation are sending their kids to public and saving the money for college

Yes, you've made a very compelling argument for public over private all things being equal. But all things aren't equal of course and people may have equally compelling reasons for private over public. That doesn't mean a certain choice doesn't come with significant "cons." But it does mean that reasonable people can navigate those cons with eyes wide open, as well as deciding that those cons just aren't worth taking on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a major sacrifice for us and is worth it. We have never questioned it.

Even this terminology is really bizarre to me. I have never heard somebody utter "Harvard is a major sacrifice for me, but worth it", yet folks use that terminology all the time when discussing private ES/MS/HS. It's not a sacrifice if it's worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

That would be 2x my child's time, which is also valuable. DC is at the top of their class and doesn't need a tutor but better opportunities and an environment where students are there to learn. You are making the mistake of assuming that everyone who is at a lower HHI or wealth than you is looking for something other than a solid education. Not to mention the private consultant is no guarantee at all of admission. I want my child to be completely prepared for university and life beyond- academically and otherwise. And I'm not looking for them to put in 2x+ of their already limited time to study more after they went to school and studied there.

If you can barely afford high school, how are you going to afford university? Other parents in your situation are sending their kids to public and saving the money for college

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

That would be 2x my child's time, which is also valuable. DC is at the top of their class and doesn't need a tutor but better opportunities and an environment where students are there to learn. You are making the mistake of assuming that everyone who is at a lower HHI or wealth than you is looking for something other than a solid education. Not to mention the private consultant is no guarantee at all of admission. I want my child to be completely prepared for university and life beyond- academically and otherwise. And I'm not looking for them to put in 2x+ of their already limited time to study more after they went to school and studied there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our choices are private, terrible schools, or a long commute. We can barely afford private but our kid is getting a wonderful education (one that blows mine at an “top” public school out of the water) and we’re not spending hours in our cars every day.

This is what works for us. I don’t know why our choices bug other people, but they certainly seem to.

Yeah - this is why I don’t spend too much time scrutinizing others’ choices (even I’d make a different choice). People are trying to balance a lot of factors with different trade-offs that are unique to their family dynamics. By the same token, I don’t need anyone else to affirm my choices. Luckily, most people are too consumed with their own lives than to worry too much about what others’ are doing. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

Anonymous wrote:Our choices are private, terrible schools, or a long commute. We can barely afford private but our kid is getting a wonderful education (one that blows mine at an “top” public school out of the water) and we’re not spending hours in our cars every day.

This is what works for us. I don’t know why our choices bug other people, but they certainly seem to.