The Catholic family I know with 7 kids pays for them all to attend Catholic school but doesn't pay for any of them to attend college and makes them take loans. So far, the oldest graduated college and...teaches at the Catholic school where her siblings go and makes peanuts and the second oldest didn't go to college and bounces around blue collar jobs. I just don't get it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

+1

Hot Mess is an understatement.

Lol. I know a lot of families with 3+ kids… never, ever have I met a family who “designate” the kids needs (food?!) to other families. I do know a mother of 5 that purchased a huge van so she could transport other people’s kids along with her own (“I’m driving my kids around anyway!”). I think of her whenever I start to grumble about carpooling other people’s kids occasionally.

I know. These comments are bizarre. How do you designate your kid’s needs (food?) to other people? Do your neighbors grocery shop for your child? The biggest hot messes I know are people with one kid. My SIL’s house is a war zone - toys everywhere and things are always broken. She also potty trained her daughter with mini toilets throughout the house. I was visiting for Thanksgiving and looked over and a kid was shitting in a little toilet next to the couch. A lot pf people who have one or two aren’t organized enough or don’t have the financial or emotional resources to have more kids.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know them but that sat near us in church on Sunday (Catholic). 7 kids. youngest was about 3 months, oldest 12 or 13. The middle girls (about 9 & 11) had f/t care of the infant. Even while the baby fussed, they took care of him. The mother just went about her way, participating in mass. It made me really sad for those girls.

It reminded me of my own childhood (Irish Catholic) where our family of 6 kids was considered small. Most had 8, 10 or 12 kids. You really don't get to know your parents when you come from that many kids. You're lumped together in pairs and farmed out to older siblings, aunts/cousins. It's sad.

I know a family like this too, though they have 12 or 13 kids. It's almost unfathomable, and sadly funny as the children pile out of their giant van; older kids each responsible for a younger one. There can be no scenario in which each child interacts with their parents each day. Hoarding children like this is a mental illness; and borders on child neglect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

+1

Hot Mess is an understatement.

Lol. I know a lot of families with 3+ kids… never, ever have I met a family who “designate” the kids needs (food?!) to other families. I do know a mother of 5 that purchased a huge van so she could transport other people’s kids along with her own (“I’m driving my kids around anyway!”). I think of her whenever I start to grumble about carpooling other people’s kids occasionally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a bunch with four. All SAHMs, highly educated, Uber uber wealthy, lots of help and run families like clockwork. Kids all end up at best of everything with very diverse interests. It’s fascinating. It’s moms who went to Yale/Stanford/Harvard with the $$$ to back up everything have turned their drive/focus from being a student to being a mom. I wish I was one of their kiddos. Seriously.

I have so many questions for you about them! Would you consider starting an AMA??

But just to start, what are some of the things the kids are good at? And where does their money come from?

I only have 3 but overall similar situation. A can answer Qs and am braced for this to turn into an attack. I think the OP meant “with best of everything” (not the best at it). My kids are fairly young and definitely aren’t currently the best at anything but I can see how it happens. They can explore any interest at any level of classes / coaching etc. Lots of peer parents default to private lessons for everything (6yos taking private tennis lessons and painting lessons and fencing lessons..it’s a bit crazy to me. We don’t do anything private beyond swim bc I want my kids to learn the social skills of groups). Money came from a startup was at from founding IPOing (pre kids) and DHs career (hedge fund)

We aren’t like gossip girl rich but are like could retire today and still pay for everything we want in life (which doesn’t include private jets and multiple houses but does include paying for all kids college and grad schools and lots of travel) rich. Don’t know if you mean the higher levels than us rich.

I know this is a side bar, but how much money and when?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend with 7. She is uber-Catholic. I adore her in many capacities, but I do not discuss her child bearing decisions or her religion. I do not agree with either. But she's lots of fun, has incredible energy and isn't preachy or trying to convert me. Her kids are good kids too, at least so far. So if anyone was going to have 7 kids, I'm glad it's her.

You don’t sound like much of a friend.

I don't think friends need to agree about everything to be friends. I know there is much about my lifestyle she does not agree with (ex: working, using birth control). That's ok. We still enjoy each other, and have a great history and fun time when we see each other.

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

+1

Hot Mess is an understatement.

I don't know them but that sat near us in church on Sunday (Catholic). 7 kids. youngest was about 3 months, oldest 12 or 13. The middle girls (about 9 & 11) had f/t care of the infant. Even while the baby fussed, they took care of him. The mother just went about her way, participating in mass. It made me really sad for those girls.

It reminded me of my own childhood (Irish Catholic) where our family of 6 kids was considered small. Most had 8, 10 or 12 kids. You really don't get to know your parents when you come from that many kids. You're lumped together in pairs and farmed out to older siblings, aunts/cousins. It's sad.

I have one with four and she is always on the move. She’s a SAHM but she must work 16 hours a day. She’s a real DIY person so she always has projects underway but I’m clueless for when she finds the time to do them.

I have four friends with four kids, two with 5. They are all much more laid back than I am. Only two of them work, but one is extremely wealthy so and she hires a lot of help but doesn’t advertise it. All are very involved parents. Only one tries to ask for rides all of the time.

I have a few cousins and neighborhood acquaintances with 6-7 kids. The one common denominator is religion, they are all super conservative evangelical Christian. That’s about all they have in common, though. They run the range from a poor rural family homeschooling on a farm, to wealthy-ish lawyer living in the suburbs. Some are incredibly warm and gracious, while others are condescending and hypocritical. Some are organized and on the ball, others appear to live in complete chaos.

The strictest, harshest, most sanctimonious parents of the bunch have the kids who have acted out the most - one in prison, at least one on drugs, two pregnant before they turned 17. The calmer, sweeter parents have kids I’d invite to babysit my own kids any day.

I am friends with three families that have 4 kids and am acquaintances with several families that have at least 5.

In one family with 4 kids, the mom came from a family of four kids and wanted to replicate. She is very type A, needs very little sleep, lives near extended family and could afford to pay for a nanny/housekeeper when the kids were little. Both parents work fairly high powered jobs.

Second family of four has a different personality but all 4 kids were planned. This mom has said she's OK with the noise and chaos of four kids. Both parents work UMC jobs.

Third family with four kids planned 2 and had 2 surprises. They're Catholic, and the husband is the youngest of 12. Lots of family nearby to help as both parents work.

Of the families with 5+ kids, two are very conservative Catholics, one is MAGA evangelical, and one planned on 4 kids but had a surprise 5th. The last family are very much free spirits. Both parents are physicians but have spent most of their careers working in developing countries so haven't lived a typical dual-doctor lifestyle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fifteen, I think? Six or seven biological, the rest of them adopted. Also a bonus child, now an adult, that wasn't adopted but was a long term foster.

Dad is very high energy, very organized, very religious.

Know three more with eight. All are VERY high energy, will-sleep-when-I'm-dead, religious types. One I would describe as highly organized. Two are... not. The non-organized homeschool; generally bright but special needsy kids who would have an awful time in the local public. Organized one in this group homeschooled the younger ones but sends the older to a local charter school.

The moms in all of these families do part time work, full time when the husbands are laid off.

Do you live in Utah?

Nah, I'm in the DMV. I just have a bunch of non-interlocking friend groups.

Friends from college: 0.3 TFR. Yes, I actually calculated this.
Friends from around here: 1-2 kids, sometimes 3, very rarely more.
Friends from a niche, non-child focused, not explicitly religious group on the internet: kids coming out of their ears.

Anonymous wrote:^ wealthy PP, how old were you when you had kids? Just wondering why you didn’t have one more?

35, 37, 39 We started trying at 30 but had several losses (don’t know why or what changed to be able to suddenly have 3 successful pregnancies fairly bc to back)

Don’t have another because I’m so very tired and already feel like I don’t have as much 1:1 time with each kid as I’d like and I spend a lot of my parenting time mediating fights and taking care of things versus playing and having fun with them in them