Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m one of the dud children – I’m 39 and live with my parents.

Very smart – 1550 SATs – but it all fell apart in college. I couldn’t get out of bed and was diagnosed with everything up to and including schizophrenia. I never took any medication but also could never hold down a job (actually, never even tried).

I eventually started a little business to at least earn some money. For many years I earned like $50K. Recently, I’ve been able to grow the business and now make over $150K. Fortunately, when you don’t have any expenses, you can still save a ton even on a low income.

Not sure if I’d be considered a dud anymore though I still live with my parents, but that’s my story.

You are too hard on yourself. Owning a business and making 6 figures before 40 is great. You struggled and are overcoming challenges. You should be proud of yourself.

PP never even attempting to have a job. Never even tried!!! That’s hardly “overcoming.”

PP here. Who cares about a job? Making $150k as a small business owner is, in most cases, more useful for the world and life affirming than making it doing TPS reports for globo corp (or the government for that matter). Ask me how I know.

Overcoming was overcoming mental health challenges early in adulthood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m one of the dud children – I’m 39 and live with my parents.

Very smart – 1550 SATs – but it all fell apart in college. I couldn’t get out of bed and was diagnosed with everything up to and including schizophrenia. I never took any medication but also could never hold down a job (actually, never even tried).

I eventually started a little business to at least earn some money. For many years I earned like $50K. Recently, I’ve been able to grow the business and now make over $150K. Fortunately, when you don’t have any expenses, you can still save a ton even on a low income.

Not sure if I’d be considered a dud anymore though I still live with my parents, but that’s my story.

You are too hard on yourself. Owning a business and making 6 figures before 40 is great. You struggled and are overcoming challenges. You should be proud of yourself.

PP never even attempting to have a job. Never even tried!!! That’s hardly “overcoming.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Between neighbors, family friends, siblings of friends on both mine and DH's side we can think of so many examples of nice, educated, well-off couples that have one, if not multiple, adult children who are complete duds.

This is the issue. It's one thing to be nice, it's another thing to fail to teach your child manners and responsibility. Often it's because the parents are too nice, and they pamper their children without imposing responsibilities on them so that they learn there is an expectation of responsibility. The majority of the failure to launch children that I've seen come from families where the parents have always done everything for the children, have not imposed any household responsibilities on the children and have not given an expectations of what they are supposed to do. So, in effect, the parents are too nice.

Anonymous wrote:The ability to live independently or not is a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m one of the dud children – I’m 39 and live with my parents.

Very smart – 1550 SATs – but it all fell apart in college. I couldn’t get out of bed and was diagnosed with everything up to and including schizophrenia. I never took any medication but also could never hold down a job (actually, never even tried).

I eventually started a little business to at least earn some money. For many years I earned like $50K. Recently, I’ve been able to grow the business and now make over $150K. Fortunately, when you don’t have any expenses, you can still save a ton even on a low income.

Not sure if I’d be considered a dud anymore though I still live with my parents, but that’s my story.

You are too hard on yourself. Owning a business and making 6 figures before 40 is great. You struggled and are overcoming challenges. You should be proud of yourself.

PP never even attempting to have a job. Never even tried!!! That’s hardly “overcoming.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m one of the dud children – I’m 39 and live with my parents.

Very smart – 1550 SATs – but it all fell apart in college. I couldn’t get out of bed and was diagnosed with everything up to and including schizophrenia. I never took any medication but also could never hold down a job (actually, never even tried).

I eventually started a little business to at least earn some money. For many years I earned like $50K. Recently, I’ve been able to grow the business and now make over $150K. Fortunately, when you don’t have any expenses, you can still save a ton even on a low income.

Not sure if I’d be considered a dud anymore though I still live with my parents, but that’s my story.

You are too hard on yourself. Owning a business and making 6 figures before 40 is great. You struggled and are overcoming challenges. You should be proud of yourself.

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m one of the dud children – I’m 39 and live with my parents.

Very smart – 1550 SATs – but it all fell apart in college. I couldn’t get out of bed and was diagnosed with everything up to and including schizophrenia. I never took any medication but also could never hold down a job (actually, never even tried).

I eventually started a little business to at least earn some money. For many years I earned like $50K. Recently, I’ve been able to grow the business and now make over $150K. Fortunately, when you don’t have any expenses, you can still save a ton even on a low income.

Not sure if I’d be considered a dud anymore though I still live with my parents, but that’s my story.

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m one of the dud children – I’m 39 and live with my parents.

Very smart – 1550 SATs – but it all fell apart in college. I couldn’t get out of bed and was diagnosed with everything up to and including schizophrenia. I never took any medication but also could never hold down a job (actually, never even tried).

I eventually started a little business to at least earn some money. For many years I earned like $50K. Recently, I’ve been able to grow the business and now make over $150K. Fortunately, when you don’t have any expenses, you can still save a ton even on a low income.

Not sure if I’d be considered a dud anymore though I still live with my parents, but that’s my story.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Came to update for anyone who cares that adult son has been AWOL - not sure if he moved out or is just out of town or what - and professional care has been put in place for the elderly couple in their home. Other son came to town and set it all up. I don't see how they can stay in the house long-term, even with help, but maybe they are just on a waiting list somewhere. They are fortunate to have at least one competent child, too bad he lives out of town. Getting old stinks.

Anonymous wrote:Regression to the mean.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my family, it's almost always due to untreated ADHD or ASD.

“Untreated ADHD” is such a cop out and lame excuse.

I used to think like you until i became close to one of my relatives. He is always offering to help but cannot see anything through. When you talk to him you can see his eyes wandering: you can almost feel how he is struggling with a million thoughts at the same time. His mind is raising 24/7.

Unfortunately, the parents denied the ADHD diagnoses until he was 17. He just struggled and struggled until he no longer cared that his other siblings are very successful and he can't even finish college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does dud even mean? It seems like living with your parents might say more about the cost of housing than anything else. In many European countries it’s common to live with your parents into your 30s.

OP here. He's in his 40's and doesn't have a job or appear to be looking for one. He sleeps past 10am every day, spends hours just sitting in his car (no clue why) and seems to only leave to pickup takeout. There was a health issue with his dad recently and he had NO IDEA where his mom was or how to get ahold of her even though she has significant dementia and doesn't drive. A neighbor and I were there assisting the dad (we called 911 for him) and he was NO help with the paramedics questions even though he's been living there for probably 6 months now. The neighbor and I knew more than he did. A dud.