Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all helpful perspectives. I make about 230 and he makes about 160. He is open to somewhere near a cool town/small city like Burlington VT.

I understand you love your job, but have you looked at how far 160k will go in Vermont?

As a PP said (I paraphrase): DC absolutely sucks for people who aren’t originally from the area. You can deal with it for awhile because it does have a few perks, but eventually it is kind of a soul crushing place to live (and raise your kids) when you know from experience that a different lifestyle is out there…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how much does he earn

How much do you earn?

Let’s be honest, unless you are a real mover or shaker (which is roughly only 500-1000 people in this town) no one cares about their career when they are dying

DP here. I told myself this for many years as I worked in admin jobs (I was in litigation) in order to support my husband's worthy career dreams. I'm not really sure if I can fully explain the toll on my mental health as I beat all my ambition into submission. I can tell you all about my drinking problem (now sober) pretty easily, however.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all helpful perspectives. I make about 230 and he makes about 160. He is open to somewhere near a cool town/small city like Burlington VT.

I understand you love your job, but have you looked at how far 160k will go in Vermont?

As a PP said (I paraphrase): DC absolutely sucks for people who aren’t originally from the area. You can deal with it for awhile because it does have a few perks, but eventually it is kind of a soul crushing place to live (and raise your kids) when you know from experience that a different lifestyle is out there…

I did not grow up here and like living here. Amongst friends and coworkers I only know two people eager to move back to the West Coast. I can see being interested in “trying something different,” though, regardless if you liked it here or not.

Anonymous wrote:What about lifestyle for your kid? One thing keeping us here instead of moving somewhere more rural is the opportunities our kids have in a city that aren’t available elsewhere - diversity of people, not having to drive everywhere, access to museums, art, culture. Our kids are still young but it is kind of amazing when my 4 year old says he wants to see dinosaur bones to be able to say, let’s go this weekend!

There’s also nothing like taking our kids out in nature and letting them run free outside for days. But if we lived there, that would not be their life. They’d be in the car or the bus 30 minutes to school each way, long drives to friends houses and activities.

Maybe since your DH grew up that way he’s okay with having your kid grow up that way, but it’s not a way of life I want for my kid. So we live in the city and vacation in nature and count the years until retirement (when likely we’ll still stay in the city for access to medical care. Did you read the thread on here about medical care in Maine in the off season? Kind of scary).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you drive him around to some of the exurban areas so he can see what it's like? My husband is also like yours and we compromised by moving to Reston - it's wooded, we have a lot of land, it feels like we live much further out than we actually do.

Trust me, if someone’s heart is in Vermont, Reston ain’t gonna cut it.

Last time we were there, traffic on Reston Pkwy was so bad that it took us 15 minutes to get from Sunset Hills to Baron Cameron. At 10 am on a Monday. My dh practically lost his mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all helpful perspectives. I make about 230 and he makes about 160. He is open to somewhere near a cool town/small city like Burlington VT.

If your marriage falls apart and you need or want to move back to DC for work, you won’t be able to with the kids. Moving to Vermont means Vermont has jurisdiction over your children. This is about much more than a “cool” town.

Tell your DH to get a weekend outdoorsy hobby and grow up. If he truly loves the outdoors he’d already be taking advantage of the hiking, biking, camping & boating available in this area. If he’s not, then he’s lying to himself about what he really wants.

Agree. He is likely idealizing moving and perhaps masking underlying other issues with this as a panacea.

Anonymous wrote:how much does he earn

How much do you earn?

Let’s be honest, unless you are a real mover or shaker (which is roughly only 500-1000 people in this town) no one cares about their career when they are dying

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 50s. Boy, that went fast. By "that", I mean my 20s, 30s, 40s. In the blink of an eye they were over, gone. You get into your 50s and start looking back on where you could have squeezed more enjoyment out of life. How you were so afraid to change, because of how it would look to other people instead of how it would make you feel. How you were afraid to take that chance that one time (such as relocating) that would have been a fork in the road that took you to something better. You can't see it now, but you will.

I would move and try something new.

Alternatively, OP will hit her mid-50s stuck in a low-paying rural job she dislikes, without enough savings for looming retirement and college tuition, and facing aging in a rural locality her children will not want to visit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all helpful perspectives. I make about 230 and he makes about 160. He is open to somewhere near a cool town/small city like Burlington VT.

I understand you love your job, but have you looked at how far 160k will go in Vermont?

As a PP said (I paraphrase): DC absolutely sucks for people who aren’t originally from the area. You can deal with it for awhile because it does have a few perks, but eventually it is kind of a soul crushing place to live (and raise your kids) when you know from experience that a different lifestyle is out there…

the idea that OP should give up her well-paying, flexible job that she loves so her WFH husband can move to a rural area is just bonkers. Wrong on every level.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all helpful perspectives. I make about 230 and he makes about 160. He is open to somewhere near a cool town/small city like Burlington VT.

I understand you love your job, but have you looked at how far 160k will go in Vermont?

As a PP said (I paraphrase): DC absolutely sucks for people who aren’t originally from the area. You can deal with it for awhile because it does have a few perks, but eventually it is kind of a soul crushing place to live (and raise your kids) when you know from experience that a different lifestyle is out there…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all helpful perspectives. I make about 230 and he makes about 160. He is open to somewhere near a cool town/small city like Burlington VT.

I understand you love your job, but have you looked at how far 160k will go in Vermont?

As a PP said (I paraphrase): DC absolutely sucks for people who aren’t originally from the area. You can deal with it for awhile because it does have a few perks, but eventually it is kind of a soul crushing place to live (and raise your kids) when you know from experience that a different lifestyle is out there…

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 50s. Boy, that went fast. By "that", I mean my 20s, 30s, 40s. In the blink of an eye they were over, gone. You get into your 50s and start looking back on where you could have squeezed more enjoyment out of life. How you were so afraid to change, because of how it would look to other people instead of how it would make you feel. How you were afraid to take that chance that one time (such as relocating) that would have been a fork in the road that took you to something better. You can't see it now, but you will.

I would move and try something new.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all helpful perspectives. I make about 230 and he makes about 160. He is open to somewhere near a cool town/small city like Burlington VT.