Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 07:50     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:I am cracking up at all these big laws wives acting like just because their DH is “home for dinner” or “drives to practice” - both of which I have no trouble believing - but leave out the part where their spouse is on the phone either texting or talking almost the entire day with brief pauses. Either you bill a ton of hours or you are so good at business development you don’t need to bill as many hours, but the latter requires a ton of lunches/dinners/evening events/golf, etc. Anyone trying to asset their big law husband basically works fed hours is straight up lying. Also, their spouse has never taken a vacation in their entire career that they didn’t work at least a small part of. Same for paternity leaves. The women have made their peace for their family and for the money, which there is nothing wrong with, but I’m not sure why they need to sugarcoat it.

Big Law Spouse


Well there is a difference between sometimes writing emails after dinner etc. and being entirely absent as a parent and spouse, as some of these people seem to think it's like. He estimates he works 55-60 hours a week. When DH joined his firm I was prepared to never see him for a few years until he got a more relaxed job, but it hasn't been like that. The worst part about it is that DH is doesn't really have time for himself. The only times he is doing something for himself are when he is working out (4x a week) and spending time with his friends (1x per month, if that). But he is still plenty present for his family. In fact, I don't envy a lot of women with fed spouses. I see a lot of women complaining about their partners with fed-type jobs not contributing to the household and/or not spending time together. They're begging for emotional intimacy and getting out the fair play cards and it's not because their spouses are working a lot. A lot of the quality of your marriage comes down to the quality of your spouse. I know I couldn't be as good of a parent and partner if I had a big law job so I would just not do a job like that because my priority is family.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 07:44     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure I’d want to be a big law partner, which sounds pretty stressful. But being the spouse of one sounds sweet. It’s a lot of money, right? Or are the reports exaggerated?


Materialism and envy are a bad look.


Do you think the people who choose this career of long work hours stress are doing it just to have the opportunity of helping others?


Yeah, that made me laugh. Also, the only person more materialistic than the BigLaw partner here is their SAH spouse. They are the one actually spending the money. And a lot of it is going towards a nice house, vacations, their clothes, personal maintenance. Most of them aren't starting charitable foundations.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 07:40     Subject: Re:Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of the spouses who married the well-respected partners in humane practice areas who are flush with business and yet are secure in their client relationships. It’s a fine line I never quite figured out in my time in Biglaw, but I know they are out there.

-In-house counsel


This rings true. It is great to hear about several partners who have it all figured out and are working only 50 hours per week. Those people just are not the general rule though, which those partners would probably quickly tell you, especially when including junior partners in the equation.


I work on the business side at a major firm and part of that story may also be enormous resentment from other partners, who will argue that a partner who is not billing a lot, delegating most of the heavy lifting to associates and junior partners, but then claiming origination credit on the client because they brought them in 10 years ago, is dead weight and should be sharing origination credit with the partners actually doing the work, or even transitioning the client.

This is a huge fight at many firms. There is no firm where ALL equity partners are working 50 hours a week (and billing far less since partners have more administrative tasks that take up time). So you have major inequities in hours and that tends to come up when it's time for the Comp Committee to figure out everyone's draw.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 07:36     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure I’d want to be a big law partner, which sounds pretty stressful. But being the spouse of one sounds sweet. It’s a lot of money, right? Or are the reports exaggerated?


Materialism and envy are a bad look.


Do you think the people who choose this career of long work hours stress are doing it just to have the opportunity of helping others?
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 07:34     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
^^^oh and the ones who by some miracle are not like the above KNOW that what they have is totally rare and are still being dishonest acting like it’s common. They know.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 07:33     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
I am cracking up at all these big laws wives acting like just because their DH is “home for dinner” or “drives to practice” - both of which I have no trouble believing - but leave out the part where their spouse is on the phone either texting or talking almost the entire day with brief pauses. Either you bill a ton of hours or you are so good at business development you don’t need to bill as many hours, but the latter requires a ton of lunches/dinners/evening events/golf, etc. Anyone trying to asset their big law husband basically works fed hours is straight up lying. Also, their spouse has never taken a vacation in their entire career that they didn’t work at least a small part of. Same for paternity leaves. The women have made their peace for their family and for the money, which there is nothing wrong with, but I’m not sure why they need to sugarcoat it.

Big Law Spouse
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 06:33     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
I make at the low end of partner comp every year and won’t make more till I get a promotion. I am not a lawyer. I absolutely kill it at work and spend about 30-40hrs a week actually working - 100% of my waking hours I am on call though leading to unpredictable hours sometimes, so that sucks. I work with a lot of law firm partners though and they work crazy hard. Their teams do amazing work in the blink of an eye.

We work in adjacent spaces but they spend 1.5-2x+ more time at work. They should be getting paid proportionately more than me. Plus they paid for law school. I don’t envy them at all but I am grateful someone gets paid a ton to do the work. I definitely don’t envy their home life or their spouses life because all that money comes with sacrifice. I think they do it for self-satisfaction and to give their next generation a boost. Nothing wrong with that - but there are professions in DC that make a very comfortable income with a more balanced work/life split.

I wouldn’t focus on envy, I’d focus much more on your own goals and how you will get there. There’s no button to press and marrying a big law partner is no guarantee of achieving what you want.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 04:54     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much money does a typical Biglaw partner in a top 10 or 20 law firm in DC bring home in a month? I keep asking and nobody tells me. Am I right that it’s like $200,000 a month?


It doesn't work that way. Assuming you are just looking at equity partners (many firms have non-equity partners who are paid more like associates or counsel), it varies dramatically by firm. In the top 20 AmLaw firms, profits per equity partner can range from 1.1m to 7.1m. Per partner draw will loosely track this, but firms have a variety of ways for determining partner compensation, and at a given firm the actually annual draw could be well above or below that depending on whether the partner is a major rainmaker, very senior or junior, etc. Most firms have a compensation committee that makes these determinations and it's one of the most political processes at a law firm.

And then, of course, law firm profits can vary at these firms as well, and that will impact annual draw. Add to that that many firms issue draws on a quarterly basis, instead of monthly. Also, new partners must purchase their equity in the firm and that will impact your draw as well. So the "typical" monthly income of a BigLaw partner in DC can vary quite a bit. If you asked me what I think the annual income of a certain kind of partner at a specific firm was, I could probably ballpark it for you. But I can't tell you what the typical salary is for partners across a pretty wide range of firms without knowing anything about that partner or the firm they are with. The range would be huge.


I’m at the DC office of NY biglaw. I make about $4m (and should make in the $4m-$5m range for the next 3-5 years). I get a monthly draw of about $40k, and quarterly distributions to cover estimated taxes. Then profit distribs when the firm has the cash to pay them. So it’s not like a fixed salary per month (except for the monthly draw). The biggest months are Nov and Dec. In total I clear about 50% of the gross (so $2m), after retirement plan contributions. So averaged out that’s like $167,000 per month net.

And I work a lot. 60 hours per week, every week, between billables, client development, admin, travel. When I’m not working I’m spending time with kids and wife. I make almost all BTS, weekend sports, most weekday sports, but I have NO PERSONAL HOBBIES or free time. But that’s the choice I made.

I’m 50 and a set to retire at 54 with about $15m. College is paid for (3 kids, oldest is 16). Mortgage on primary home. One investment property.

Does your spouse work? What's the divorce rate among your peers?


Spouse works FT. She's a rockstar and handles 90% of the logistics. I plan vacations, go grocery shopping on weekends, take oeldest child to college visits, and do the things I mentioned above. Maybe one weekday night out per 3 weeks (I work once the kids are down for the night). It is hard, but my wife and I are driven and don't believe in idle time. We also grew up LMC and don't see the point in/don't have the luxury to relax. We'll do that eventually. Our kids see the value and benefits of hard work, and accept that I have to squeeze in calls so that I can make their games, drop them off, etc. Eldest was talking to a friend once when I was on a call in the car, and said something like "yes, he has to take calls, but he's always around. Other parents can only take vacation at certain times or can't drop off at practice. My dad can be more flexible like that."

DK about divorce rate at my firm, and don't care. Life is a canvas, so I don't live by other people's rules (but I am not a jerk either). When partners at my firm retire, we somethimes have a dinner for them and their families come. 100% of the retired partners apologize for missing time with their families. No thanks.


Your kid has no way of knowing that and it’s very obvious that if he actually said that - which is probably fictional - he’s simply parroting what you’ve told him to make you both feel better.


It happened. Live with it.


I believe it. It's crazy what other kids know about their friends' parents lives. I have heard DD talk about friends' parents affairs, weird post-divorce co-parenting dynamics, parents yelling all the time, how much time their parents spend on Facebook, etc. And yes, parents who work so much they don't see their kids much. Of course, PP's kid doesn't know what she doesn't know. She's comparing her home life to even busier home lives. Maybe he or she would be happier with one parent staying home, or two parents with 40 hour/week jobs, or whatever.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 04:48     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
I'd be jealous of me too, but not because of the money. My husband is funny, sweet, smart, attractive, such a good dad, etc.

Also, I do not do as much as other big law partner spouses. My husband does a lot of cleaning, packing for trips, planning trips, signing the kids up for activities, etc. I think a lot of big law partners use their jobs as an excuse to not lift a finger. And DH is in litigation, not tax or something.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 00:46     Subject: Re:Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't work. Kids have everything they need, and I don't think about money. Plus, I think marriage is easier when money is not an issue. But you have to be ok with someone who works a lot, and you have to take care of every detail in your life - kind of like being a single parent - because the other person works more than anyone else you'll ever meet.


It’s Fing nothing like being a single parent.


I'm not PP but I don't think they intended it in a bad way. Definitely a poor choice of words though (not the lawyer in the family).
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2023 00:44     Subject: Re:Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of the spouses who married the well-respected partners in humane practice areas who are flush with business and yet are secure in their client relationships. It’s a fine line I never quite figured out in my time in Biglaw, but I know they are out there.

-In-house counsel


This rings true. It is great to hear about several partners who have it all figured out and are working only 50 hours per week. Those people just are not the general rule though, which those partners would probably quickly tell you, especially when including junior partners in the equation.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2023 23:30     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much money does a typical Biglaw partner in a top 10 or 20 law firm in DC bring home in a month? I keep asking and nobody tells me. Am I right that it’s like $200,000 a month?


It doesn't work that way. Assuming you are just looking at equity partners (many firms have non-equity partners who are paid more like associates or counsel), it varies dramatically by firm. In the top 20 AmLaw firms, profits per equity partner can range from 1.1m to 7.1m. Per partner draw will loosely track this, but firms have a variety of ways for determining partner compensation, and at a given firm the actually annual draw could be well above or below that depending on whether the partner is a major rainmaker, very senior or junior, etc. Most firms have a compensation committee that makes these determinations and it's one of the most political processes at a law firm.

And then, of course, law firm profits can vary at these firms as well, and that will impact annual draw. Add to that that many firms issue draws on a quarterly basis, instead of monthly. Also, new partners must purchase their equity in the firm and that will impact your draw as well. So the "typical" monthly income of a BigLaw partner in DC can vary quite a bit. If you asked me what I think the annual income of a certain kind of partner at a specific firm was, I could probably ballpark it for you. But I can't tell you what the typical salary is for partners across a pretty wide range of firms without knowing anything about that partner or the firm they are with. The range would be huge.


I’m at the DC office of NY biglaw. I make about $4m (and should make in the $4m-$5m range for the next 3-5 years). I get a monthly draw of about $40k, and quarterly distributions to cover estimated taxes. Then profit distribs when the firm has the cash to pay them. So it’s not like a fixed salary per month (except for the monthly draw). The biggest months are Nov and Dec. In total I clear about 50% of the gross (so $2m), after retirement plan contributions. So averaged out that’s like $167,000 per month net.

And I work a lot. 60 hours per week, every week, between billables, client development, admin, travel. When I’m not working I’m spending time with kids and wife. I make almost all BTS, weekend sports, most weekday sports, but I have NO PERSONAL HOBBIES or free time. But that’s the choice I made.

I’m 50 and a set to retire at 54 with about $15m. College is paid for (3 kids, oldest is 16). Mortgage on primary home. One investment property.

Does your spouse work? What's the divorce rate among your peers?


Spouse works FT. She's a rockstar and handles 90% of the logistics. I plan vacations, go grocery shopping on weekends, take oeldest child to college visits, and do the things I mentioned above. Maybe one weekday night out per 3 weeks (I work once the kids are down for the night). It is hard, but my wife and I are driven and don't believe in idle time. We also grew up LMC and don't see the point in/don't have the luxury to relax. We'll do that eventually. Our kids see the value and benefits of hard work, and accept that I have to squeeze in calls so that I can make their games, drop them off, etc. Eldest was talking to a friend once when I was on a call in the car, and said something like "yes, he has to take calls, but he's always around. Other parents can only take vacation at certain times or can't drop off at practice. My dad can be more flexible like that."

DK about divorce rate at my firm, and don't care. Life is a canvas, so I don't live by other people's rules (but I am not a jerk either). When partners at my firm retire, we somethimes have a dinner for them and their families come. 100% of the retired partners apologize for missing time with their families. No thanks.


Your kid has no way of knowing that and it’s very obvious that if he actually said that - which is probably fictional - he’s simply parroting what you’ve told him to make you both feel better.


It happened. Live with it.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2023 21:37     Subject: Re:Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:I don't work. Kids have everything they need, and I don't think about money. Plus, I think marriage is easier when money is not an issue. But you have to be ok with someone who works a lot, and you have to take care of every detail in your life - kind of like being a single parent - because the other person works more than anyone else you'll ever meet.


It’s Fing nothing like being a single parent.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2023 21:29     Subject: Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure I’d want to be a big law partner, which sounds pretty stressful. But being the spouse of one sounds sweet. It’s a lot of money, right? Or are the reports exaggerated?


Materialism and envy are a bad look.


+1

This is the source of so many problems and discontent.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2023 21:28     Subject: Re:Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?
I’m jealous of the spouses who married the well-respected partners in humane practice areas who are flush with business and yet are secure in their client relationships. It’s a fine line I never quite figured out in my time in Biglaw, but I know they are out there.

-In-house counsel