Anonymous
Post 10/16/2023 11:49     Subject: Re:Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:

Once you hit 50 that seems to be the magic age for tests- colonoscopies, mammograms, bone density, chest x-rays, retinal checks, cardiac checks,additional lab work. It’s like they are convinced that you have something.

You walk in feeling great and leave with a bunch of preventative care appointments to schedule . It’s enough to make you hate doctors. Plus you’ve lived long enough to see what people go through who fight the various diseases. I can see why some opt out and take the ostrich approach. Life is more than just a never ending stream of scans, tests, procedures, medications and fights


I think there's a happy (or at least tolerable) medium between endless doctors appointments and anxiety and utter refusal to see a doctor when, if you have something serious, a year can make all the difference between living and leaving your wife a widow and your kids without parents. I did a bunch of stuff when I turned 50--not a huge deal. Saw a cardiologist, got my numbers, started a small dose of statins, and I've upped my exercise. i did a colonoscopy. and I go yearly to mammogram. That's about it, and I'd rather do preventative than deal with illness. I also have kids in middle school so I need to do my best to stay healthy for them, within my power and within reason.

I would be furious if my spouse were suffering such drastic health issues and refused to see a doctor. For example, colon cancer caught at stage 2 versus stage 4 is not just the difference potentially between life and death but between a tough but manageable diagnosis and one that, even if one survives, can cause lifetime suffering for both patient and loved ones. Of course I am not blaming people for being sick, but part of being an adult is taking basic responsibility for your health, especially if others rely on you (and love you!). My dad's bladder cancer was caught early, and he never had to get anything removed aside from the initial tumor. His brother's was caught later and he died from metastatic cancer.

Anyway, I am thinking of OP and hoping that this has turned out to be manageable.


Your dad and his brother could have had very different symptoms. As far as I’m aware there is no routine test for bladder cancer. Just like there’s no routine test for pancreatic or brain cancer. Obviously if you are having uncomfortable symptoms you’ll go to the doctor to try to ease your pain and that is when something more serious might be found….or not.

Anonymous
Post 10/16/2023 11:17     Subject: Re:Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor

Once you hit 50 that seems to be the magic age for tests- colonoscopies, mammograms, bone density, chest x-rays, retinal checks, cardiac checks,additional lab work. It’s like they are convinced that you have something.

You walk in feeling great and leave with a bunch of preventative care appointments to schedule . It’s enough to make you hate doctors. Plus you’ve lived long enough to see what people go through who fight the various diseases. I can see why some opt out and take the ostrich approach. Life is more than just a never ending stream of scans, tests, procedures, medications and fights


I think there's a happy (or at least tolerable) medium between endless doctors appointments and anxiety and utter refusal to see a doctor when, if you have something serious, a year can make all the difference between living and leaving your wife a widow and your kids without parents. I did a bunch of stuff when I turned 50--not a huge deal. Saw a cardiologist, got my numbers, started a small dose of statins, and I've upped my exercise. i did a colonoscopy. and I go yearly to mammogram. That's about it, and I'd rather do preventative than deal with illness. I also have kids in middle school so I need to do my best to stay healthy for them, within my power and within reason.

I would be furious if my spouse were suffering such drastic health issues and refused to see a doctor. For example, colon cancer caught at stage 2 versus stage 4 is not just the difference potentially between life and death but between a tough but manageable diagnosis and one that, even if one survives, can cause lifetime suffering for both patient and loved ones. Of course I am not blaming people for being sick, but part of being an adult is taking basic responsibility for your health, especially if others rely on you (and love you!). My dad's bladder cancer was caught early, and he never had to get anything removed aside from the initial tumor. His brother's was caught later and he died from metastatic cancer.

Anyway, I am thinking of OP and hoping that this has turned out to be manageable.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2023 11:05     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Once you hit 50 that seems to be the magic age for tests- colonoscopies, mammograms, bone density, chest x-rays, retinal checks, cardiac checks,additional lab work. It’s like they are convinced that you have something.

You walk in feeling great and leave with a bunch of preventative care appointments to schedule . It’s enough to make you hate doctors. Plus you’ve lived long enough to see what people go through who fight the various diseases. I can see why some opt out and take the ostrich approach. Life is more than just a never ending stream of scans, tests, procedures, medications and fights
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 18:42     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
I guess part of the reason I’ve been following this is that both my parents knew they had cancer and never got it treated. Both died pretty awful deaths within a month or so of diagnosis. One quite young (58) and my mother made it 75. Yes we had hospice. Yes they were medicated. It was still awful.

On some primal level I get their decision making. Both actively avoided medical care and I am religious about my check ups but my check ups cause my intense anxiety and I sort of get the head in the sand approach. I just do not want to do that to my child if there is a chance something could be caught early and cured… yet I get it and fight against the impulse to cancel the appt.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 16:30     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
It's cancer, or he's on drugs. If he's not on drugs, he may be terrified of the diagnosis. You need to tell him that nowadays there are very good treatments, but only if they're taken early.

I'm really sorry, OP, but whatever it is, it's serious. Can you rope in his loved ones? Siblings, parents?



There just aren’t always good treatments. Cancer treatment is often hell.

The husband probably understands that and just wants to die in peace.

The strategy shouldn’t be to seek futile care but to see what’s up with the life insurance and account beneficiary designations.

Agree. Hospice care is preferable and better for all than useless chemo on a dying person. The death experiences are vastly different.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 01:38     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
It's cancer, or he's on drugs. If he's not on drugs, he may be terrified of the diagnosis. You need to tell him that nowadays there are very good treatments, but only if they're taken early.

I'm really sorry, OP, but whatever it is, it's serious. Can you rope in his loved ones? Siblings, parents?



There just aren’t always good treatments. Cancer treatment is often hell.

The husband probably understands that and just wants to die in peace.

The strategy shouldn’t be to seek futile care but to see what’s up with the life insurance and account beneficiary designations.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2023 07:28     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Any updates op? I hope you can contact the doctor ahead of a follow up explaining how much weight he has lost and how much pain he has been in.
My dads bladder cancer presented with uti and moderate weight loss so it’s important for the doctors to follow up more.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2023 21:36     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, he had an infection. He weighs 116lbs. Doctor said nothing. Gave him an antibiotic and he came home.


An infection? Wouldn’t he have a fever? Or be in pain? Sounds odd


I’ve never had a fever with a UTI.


Yes, you generally won't have a fever with a simple UTI (bladder infection). A fever or other systemic systems generally means it has ascended to the kidneys and is now pyelonephritis.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2023 21:04     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:So per my earlier email. Slow progress. More after I have more details to share. -OP


Oh my gosh op. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine a grown man at 116 lbs and the doctors not realizing something is really wrong. You and your family are in my prayers.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2023 20:52     Subject: Re:Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?


Tried that and all I got was screaming.

This was my mom the last 6-9 months of her life. But her weight loss was accompanied by signifacant abdominal bloating and other symptoms she hid. She finally went to the doctor and got a scan and bloodwork and a terminal cancer diagnosis. She died 33 days later of pancreatic cancer.


Same with my dad, but 42 miserable days.

Same with my mom, although she was going to drs non-stop to try to figure out what was going on. She died 40 days after diagnosis.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2023 20:04     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking about this OP a lot. I hope things start to get better after he's beat the infection. 114 lbs sounds so frail for fa man.


Me too. I am hoping for the best.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2023 12:09     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
I've been thinking about this OP a lot. I hope things start to get better after he's beat the infection. 114 lbs sounds so frail for a man.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 08:21     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, he had an infection. He weighs 116lbs. Doctor said nothing. Gave him an antibiotic and he came home.


An infection? Wouldn’t he have a fever? Or be in pain? Sounds odd


I’ve never had a fever with a UTI.
Anonymous
Post 10/04/2023 14:51     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:116 pounds? Is he 5’2? Because if not that’s almost skeletal. I’m sorry OP. Please get your finances and accounts and documents in order.


He’s shrunk down to 5’5”. It was a UTI. And yes, he’s practically a skeleton. Antibiotics didn’t knock it out, and so we went back and they gave him another prescription. Brought up the weight loss, they said oh you’ve only lost 2 lbs bc he’s now down to 114. I was like, what?! They didn’t make any big deal of it maybe bc he was there for the UTI. WTF.


Push back on that every time you see it. My mom was in the hospital recently and the various specialists she saw absolutely had tunnel vision. It was awful and would have been almost comical if it weren't so serious. Any new symptoms she was experiencing were always initially explained away by something related to their field, whoever's care she was under at that point, and by the time they brought in the next doctor and figured it out she was in much worse shape than she would have been if someone had thought to look beyond just their specialty from the outset.
Anonymous
Post 10/04/2023 14:35     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd be concerned about cancer. The longer you put off figuring out what is going on, the worse, if in fact it is C.


That is my concern too, that or some other serious disease. He says whatever he has, no one will be able to do anything for him. I have been trying for over a year to get him to go to a doctor. He’s always had a “lab coat” phobia as long as I’ve known him.

I mean, I’m almost at the point of calling his parents and tattling to see if they can convince him to go. Our teens have tried talking to him too. Arghh


To be fair, this is probably true.