Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:45     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
I would be so annoyed if DH acted like this. On vacation and he ruined a nice dinner because he didn't get the table he wanted? I'd be so over it.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:44     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have gotten up and left restaurant before ordering and posted a negative review on Yelp, etc.
I would have let the manager know I would be doing this before I left.


Thank you for reminding me why I don't read the one star reviews because the people who post them are not someone whose opinion I am usually interested in


Your welcome and I am happy to know you will suffer through a lousy, over priced meal soon in the near future.


I mean you're an idiot for getting annoyed about a partial view table when the website clearly shows these tables and you did nothing to ensure you got a full view table.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:43     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, your approach ... your intensity, you really should adjust your thinking


OP here. I know I should, esp after reading all the feedback here. I just don't know how yet.

My husband and I were in line for a boat ride the other day, and I was like, "Wow, how are we so far behind in line, we got here 30 minutes early!"

And he was like, "I think we're pretty far ahead in line."

And we realized that he was looking at the 30-40 ppl behind us in line, and I was looking at the 30-40 people ahead of us. And I was like, wow, this is so emblematic of the difference between how we think.


Yes, and since you realize the two of you think differently, then you should understand why he doesn’t get upset or worked up enough to be on Team DW on your issues. You need to understand his perspective and his optimistic view, and not take it personally that he isn’t standing up for you or supporting your frustrations.

I get like this with DH and when I’m begins optimistic, he immediately asks why I’m so quick to argue with him? WTF we are in the exact same situation and he sees it 180 degrees totally opposite from the way I do and also interprets it as an attack on his abilities to stay calm. Frustrating.


There is a line however, between being a door mat and Going With the Flow.

And a line between voicing a complaint versus criticizing someone.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:43     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.


Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf


You’re on vacation in France and whining on DCUM about some view you partially missed out on? And that rather than acting like a spoiled toddler along with you, your husband tried to enjoy the moment? You seriously need to grow up.


Posting a menu from a Michelin starred restaurant in the French Riviera? I smell a troll.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:42     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.


Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf


You’re on vacation in France and whining on DCUM about some view you partially missed out on? And that rather than acting like a spoiled toddler along with you, your husband tried to enjoy the moment? You seriously need to grow up.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:40     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.


Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf

You managed to be miserable on a summer night without kids in the freaking French Riviera?????
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:39     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
It took 3 seconds on the restaurant's page to see there are tables with a partial view. But you expected a full view for absolutely no reason and then got pissy that you didn't get one. Ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:38     Subject: Re:I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She said “we” asked for a new table. It isn’t clear that DH asked or she asked. That’s not validating her feelings, though. He literally needs to say “it sounds like you are disappointed and it is frustrating when you were hoping for a better table and a great higher out.’ This is what OP wants to hear, probably. DH jumping in to fix still doesn’t acknowledge OP’s feelings. Trust me. I’ve been DBT and CBT and EFT with my spouse and my teenager. I tend to problem solve or fix rather than validate. Am I annoyed that others in my family are not very resilient and I need to do this so much? Yes. But it also helps them feel heard when I do, and then later I address what I went wrong/how to fix.


Does anyone outside of crappy advice columns actually talk like this to their spouse?

BTW, I do not trust anyone who posts such nonsense. .


I’m the PP who posted the above. No one talks like this in real life, but this is how my and DH’s marriage counselor is training us to talk to each other. I know, it’s exhausting.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:36     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, your approach ... your intensity, you really should adjust your thinking


OP here. I know I should, esp after reading all the feedback here. I just don't know how yet.

My husband and I were in line for a boat ride the other day, and I was like, "Wow, how are we so far behind in line, we got here 30 minutes early!"

And he was like, "I think we're pretty far ahead in line."

And we realized that he was looking at the 30-40 ppl behind us in line, and I was looking at the 30-40 people ahead of us. And I was like, wow, this is so emblematic of the difference between how we think.


You all sound like a good fit for each other though, it's a good balance and that is something to be grateful for.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:34     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
OP your problem is a simple one: You're confusing Real Life with Instagram. You are a victim - not a victim of the nasty restaurant, but a victim of social media.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:29     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
OP, IDK whether this will resonate, but in both of the situations you have described here the scenario has not just been that you want a peak experience made even peak-ier—it is that you are unhappy specifically because you think other people who are present are getting something better or faster than you are.

If that is in fact a common thread, worth noticing that they are distinct situations and modifying the latter involves some different work than modifying the former.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:20     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have gotten up and left restaurant before ordering and posted a negative review on Yelp, etc.
I would have let the manager know I would be doing this before I left.


Thank you for reminding me why I don't read the one star reviews because the people who post them are not someone whose opinion I am usually interested in


Your welcome and I am happy to know you will suffer through a lousy, over priced meal soon in the near future.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:17     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.


Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:09     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 16:06     Subject: I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care
Vote with your feet, OP.