Anonymous
Post 07/19/2023 12:02     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:You all must have lived very charmed lives to have so much time to obsess and get so bitter. I have been through so much death, illness, hospital visits and emergencies in the past few years. If I got invited to a wedding and the couple asked for money toward a honeymoon or whatever, you know what I'd do? I would follow their wishes. Life is so full of horrible events and tragedy. If this couple wants to enjoy a vacation and prefers that we help offset the cost rather than give them yet another crystal vase or fondue set, then of course I would follow their visits.

Gifts are about being generous and kind and not thinking of yourself. Don't try to punish someone or be passive aggressive with a gift. Nobody needs more negativity and bitterness in this world.


+1

Plus, the bride and groom always and forever remember who was kind and supportive, and who was not, on their special day.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2023 12:01     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all must have lived very charmed lives to have so much time to obsess and get so bitter. I have been through so much death, illness, hospital visits and emergencies in the past few years. If I got invited to a wedding and the couple asked for money toward a honeymoon or whatever, you know what I'd do? I would follow their wishes. Life is so full of horrible events and tragedy. If this couple wants to enjoy a vacation and prefers that we help offset the cost rather than give them yet another crystal vase or fondue set, then of course I would follow their visits.

Gifts are about being generous and kind and not thinking of yourself. Don't try to punish someone or be passive aggressive with a gift. Nobody needs more negativity and bitterness in this world.


Is there a standard DCUM response for this sort of comment -- Think how lucky you are what about real problems if you had any decency at all you'd see things my way

Let's turn it around: What sort of person, not satisfied with finding someone to share the rest of their lives with, also demands that their guests provide a more expensive kitchen or trip than some of those same guests will ever have?


Sounds like you want to be pissy and angry about the ask regardless. Just decline and save them the problem of paying for you to attend.


+1

Some people hate weddings.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2023 12:00     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:Elope if you are broke!


x100000

Also, OTOH, do not "insist" that a couple register for things they don't need - because (wait for it) they don't need anything!

If you don't want to go to the wedding, don't go - plain and simple, OP. The couple only wants people there who can be happy for them, not people who go to gripe.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2023 11:59     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all must have lived very charmed lives to have so much time to obsess and get so bitter. I have been through so much death, illness, hospital visits and emergencies in the past few years. If I got invited to a wedding and the couple asked for money toward a honeymoon or whatever, you know what I'd do? I would follow their wishes. Life is so full of horrible events and tragedy. If this couple wants to enjoy a vacation and prefers that we help offset the cost rather than give them yet another crystal vase or fondue set, then of course I would follow their visits.

Gifts are about being generous and kind and not thinking of yourself. Don't try to punish someone or be passive aggressive with a gift. Nobody needs more negativity and bitterness in this world.


Is there a standard DCUM response for this sort of comment -- Think how lucky you are what about real problems if you had any decency at all you'd see things my way

Let's turn it around: What sort of person, not satisfied with finding someone to share the rest of their lives with, also demands that their guests provide a more expensive kitchen or trip than some of those same guests will ever have?


Sounds like you want to be pissy and angry about the ask regardless. Just decline and save them the problem of paying for you to attend.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2023 11:57     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?


IMO it just seems over the top - didn’t realize this is standard. I think I would be less turned off if there were a registry - I would truly rather get the couple new kitchen supplies or whatever than just give them a check.


You already know the problem with giving them kitchen supplies. THEY ARE MID 30S AND ESTABLISHED. They have their own kitchen supplies. The intent of the registry is to start a couple entering their first household, since most got married in early 20s.
My god yall are daft.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2023 11:56     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am the same, but I think it’s because I’m old. It’s pretty common nowadays. Distasteful to me personally, but common.


I have the same reaction, even though I know it's widely accepted these days.

I think that what bothers me is that I'm being asked to fund the couple's luxury vacation vs. getting suggestions for items to purchase to help them set up their new home. (That's ultimately what wedding gifts were/are about, traditionally.) I'm happy to contribute to your new life together but your vacation, not so much.

I think that's why I have a visceral negative reaction to this.


The vacation is part of the new life together!


Cool. Then pay for it yourselves.


Why are people so bitter? Americans always seem extremely jealous whenever anyone goes on a vacation.


Your reading comprehension is terrible. Enjoy your vacation, which, as an adult, you paid for yourselves, just as we will enjoy our vacations which we, as adults, pay for ourselves.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2023 11:47     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
We are invited to a wedding for a family member and their website also asks for money. They explain on the website that they both have established homes and do not need "things" they are activly saving to purchase a home together. At first I was turned off by the request. But the more my DH and I discussed it the more we feel it is no worse than the registry we had and honestly in the long run is a good financial move. To make ourselves feel better we are giving them a sum of money that would help them pay for the front door of their house. No, we don't know how much their actual front door will cost. But in our minds it is helping us feel joy in giving them money because it is helping us visualize what our money is going to be spent on.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2023 11:40     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree it is incredibly tacky.

I was invited to a wedding and you rsvp on line. There is also a link to the registry. When you click on the link you are told no gifts are necessary but if you insist you can contribute to the brides kitchen remodeling fund.

I was really offended. I"m not sure what I'm going to do.

Many people give a check or cash anyways but it is being told they are only accepting cash to remodel their house that is really really tacky.


I'm not sure why you would be offended by this at all.

It explicitly states that gifts are not necessary so just don't get them anything.

For everyone saying gifts from the registry are to start off their new life together it seems like money to remodel a kitchen is of a similar nature. Maybe their kitchen is very old or a poor layout for raising a family so they want to get that fixed before they start having children.

Seems like you just want to be offended by them doing things differently than you did.


Agree, it's not tacky. They stated a clear preference and just added a tongue in cheek practical gift of probably the only thing they possibly needed in case some they gave generously to wanted to reciprocate.
I'm charmed it's for their home vs a honeymoon.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 14:04     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:You all must have lived very charmed lives to have so much time to obsess and get so bitter. I have been through so much death, illness, hospital visits and emergencies in the past few years. If I got invited to a wedding and the couple asked for money toward a honeymoon or whatever, you know what I'd do? I would follow their wishes. Life is so full of horrible events and tragedy. If this couple wants to enjoy a vacation and prefers that we help offset the cost rather than give them yet another crystal vase or fondue set, then of course I would follow their visits.

Gifts are about being generous and kind and not thinking of yourself. Don't try to punish someone or be passive aggressive with a gift. Nobody needs more negativity and bitterness in this world.


Is there a standard DCUM response for this sort of comment -- Think how lucky you are what about real problems if you had any decency at all you'd see things my way

Let's turn it around: What sort of person, not satisfied with finding someone to share the rest of their lives with, also demands that their guests provide a more expensive kitchen or trip than some of those same guests will ever have?
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 11:55     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
You all must have lived very charmed lives to have so much time to obsess and get so bitter. I have been through so much death, illness, hospital visits and emergencies in the past few years. If I got invited to a wedding and the couple asked for money toward a honeymoon or whatever, you know what I'd do? I would follow their wishes. Life is so full of horrible events and tragedy. If this couple wants to enjoy a vacation and prefers that we help offset the cost rather than give them yet another crystal vase or fondue set, then of course I would follow their visits.

Gifts are about being generous and kind and not thinking of yourself. Don't try to punish someone or be passive aggressive with a gift. Nobody needs more negativity and bitterness in this world.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 08:49     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am the same, but I think it’s because I’m old. It’s pretty common nowadays. Distasteful to me personally, but common.


I have the same reaction, even though I know it's widely accepted these days.

I think that what bothers me is that I'm being asked to fund the couple's luxury vacation vs. getting suggestions for items to purchase to help them set up their new home. (That's ultimately what wedding gifts were/are about, traditionally.) I'm happy to contribute to your new life together but your vacation, not so much.

I think that's why I have a visceral negative reaction to this.


The vacation is part of the new life together! :roll:


Cool. Then pay for it yourselves.


Why are people so bitter? Americans always seem extremely jealous whenever anyone goes on a vacation.


I think it’s kind of a universal notion that vacations are something people pay for on their own.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 08:44     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree it is incredibly tacky.

I was invited to a wedding and you rsvp on line. There is also a link to the registry. When you click on the link you are told no gifts are necessary but if you insist you can contribute to the brides kitchen remodeling fund.

I was really offended. I"m not sure what I'm going to do.

Many people give a check or cash anyways but it is being told they are only accepting cash to remodel their house that is really really tacky.


I'm not sure why you would be offended by this at all.

It explicitly states that gifts are not necessary so just don't get them anything.

For everyone saying gifts from the registry are to start off their new life together it seems like money to remodel a kitchen is of a similar nature. Maybe their kitchen is very old or a poor layout for raising a family so they want to get that fixed before they start having children.

Seems like you just want to be offended by them doing things differently than you did.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 08:26     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:I mean traditional etiquette is that the registry itself is tacky, and requests for monetary donations are very common now- for at least ten years if not longer.


Not true. Registries were/are not considered tacky as long as they were not pushed/advertised by the couple. They were created and then if someone wanted to, they would ask a close friend or family member for the registry info, but they could also send whatever gift they wanted. No presumption of a gift - not tacky.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 07:06     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am the same, but I think it’s because I’m old. It’s pretty common nowadays. Distasteful to me personally, but common.


I have the same reaction, even though I know it's widely accepted these days.

I think that what bothers me is that I'm being asked to fund the couple's luxury vacation vs. getting suggestions for items to purchase to help them set up their new home. (That's ultimately what wedding gifts were/are about, traditionally.) I'm happy to contribute to your new life together but your vacation, not so much.

I think that's why I have a visceral negative reaction to this.


The vacation is part of the new life together!


Cool. Then pay for it yourselves.


Why are people so bitter? Americans always seem extremely jealous whenever anyone goes on a vacation.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 01:37     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:My niece and her fiancé only allowed contributions to their luxurious Maldives honeymoon. The gifts were given during the couples shower. Lol. That’s what the registry was for , the honeymoon was broken down into categories, couples massages, room, dinners, resort credits, etc. I drew the line when my sister started delegating who would purchase what and how much she deemed you could afford to spend. This couple could well afford this honeymoon and then some. I made a charitable donation in their name. My niece still ignores me at family function. IDGAF.


My next door neighbors were also invited to a wedding that only allowed for contributions to the luxurious Maldives honeymoon.
The bride and groom and their family live in a poor part of Maryland. My next door neighbor's husband is the CEO of a company. She thought this was incredibly tacky and she said she and her husband could not afford to go to the Maldives nor could most of the wedding guests. The next door neighbor bought a physical gift and card. She wrapped it and delivered it to the bride in advance.