Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is triggering to me. Frankly at this point I think I just might make myself a hotel reservation and spa reservation for the whole weekend. I absolutely just cannot have another awful mother's day. I don't want to travel and stay at MILs (packing up kids, baby screaming for hours in the car and not doing a single thing that I like). I'm so grateful that my mom and I celebrate on a different day. DH is too much of a wimp to make that happen.

There is zero reason to be "triggered" when you could be making yourself a reservation *right now* and telling--not asking--DH that this is how it is going to be, and if he wants to take kids to see his mom, have at.

The truth? I don't like disappointing people. So I try to go with the flow. Then later I get upset that I never get anything I want, that I'm doing all the work, and that I'm a doormat.

My options are to either disappoint everyone or disappoint myself.

Have you considered that others won’t actually be disappointed? Don’t you think there’s even a chance that if you explain to DH that you don’t want the pressure of travel and just want to relax, he’ll get that? And if he’s wearing his mom will be upset, you can encourage him to take the kids another weekend or something? Surely there’s some room to talk here, and find out (not guess or wonder or project, but actually find out) how others would feel or react?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So to recap: Husbands who are thoughtless most of the year are expected to make up for it all on this one day, or their wives feel a year’s worth of disappointment on one day. Husbands who are in general thoughtful and appreciative are off the hook. Sound about right?

LMFTFY

Husbands who are bad sons all year try to make up for it on the one day a year when they should be celebrating the mother of their children. They decide their mom's feelings matter more than their wives.

Men whose moms live too far away to visit get let off the hook.

Nah. If they are a good husband the whole rest of the year and their wife is a reasonable person, she doesn’t need to dig her heels in and be mad. I’d rather he cater to his mother this one day and cater to me the other 364, which is what happens.

My DH is wonderful but it stings a bit. I see other moms waking up to gifts from their little kids, breakfast in bed and flowers their kids picked.

That is purely a social media problem. Quit and it all goes away. I speak from experience.