I shower my DH with compliments, some deserved and some extremely over-the-top. It costs me nothing, makes him happy, and encourages good behavior. Now DH does over half of the domestic chores and childcare, including the mental load, all without me nagging.

DP but my dad is exhibit 1. Put my mom through hell to avoid child support, then had a kid with another woman, then quit his job to avoid paying her child support too. He’s now trying to screw his sisters over in the distribution of his mom’s estate. He never changed a diaper, never did any emotional labor in any of his marriages. While I love my father, if I thought my marriage would be like any of his, I never would have done it.

Whenever women say "Men are disgusting" their misandry hurts all men, including their fathers, brothers, and sons and women who practice misandry hurt the self-esteem of all the men they touch.

Notice how the poster who said that all men are disgusting would not answer a question regarding men who are related to her. I pray she does not have any sons.

I am old, and I grew up in the rural South. Growing up, I saw the same type of language the poster is using (e.g., all _____ are disgusting, evil, lazy, thieves, etc.) to justify racism. I see it now to justify misandry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a real question and I don't want an answer. But I am a socially awkward guy who is successful. By no means do I think I'm perfect, but I would love to come in from work one day and hear that I did something well. Does that ever happen to men?

I come home and try to spend time with her but she always tells me she doesn't want to hear about our direct care about my interests whether that be books or TV shows or games, parenting whatever. No-go.

Instead, she'll point out things I do wrong that I guess embarrass her and focus on that, telling me how to improve. But then I improve and create another dependency and the cycle repeats.

It's frustrating because I feel like she married this nerdy dude and she knew he was nerdy. Now she's trying to change me for social acceptance, and meanwhile nerdy me feels isolated.

You come home from work and want her to tell you that you did something well. Are you coming home with dinner? Did you run to the store for her during your lunch break?
I mean, typically when you get home from work, she hasn’t actually seen you do anything yet, so it’s not surprising that she isn’t telling you what you did well.
Also, that 5:30 time that you get home from work is usually a super busy, stressful time. She’s getting dinner on the table, wrangling hungry kids, etc. It’s not a time to discuss the novel you are reading.

Today, when you get home from work, jump in and engage in real, practical help with whatever she is doing. If she is cooking and there is an onion waiting to be chopped, then chop the onion. If the kids are upset about something, see what’s going on with them. Then, later, during dinner or when the kids are winding down or in bed, you talk about your day or the book you are reading.

Just stop with this type of banter. Stop.

What type of banter?
My husband also used to find it very offensive that I didn’t want to talk to him right when he got home from work. The thing is, the time of day he got home from work was the time of day that I wanted to leave my family and flee to Montana. I have also just gotten home from work and am trying to get a dinner for seven on the table. Older kids are needing help with homework. Little kids are up from naps, hungry for dinner, and under foot. There is a short window of time between when DH gets home and running a kid to xyz activity. It’s not a good time to talk. It’s probably a time that I might snap that I don’t care about his day.
If DH comes home with dinner, then I am definitely grateful, and I tell him so. Otherwise, no. I don’t tell him he did a good job today. How do I know? His day with me just started a few seconds ago.

As far as coming home from work and jumping right in and helping with dinner prep, that’s my fantasy, and I think a pretty typical female fantasy. I would say that it’s akin to the male fantasy that his wife will come to bed in sexy lingerie.
No one has a fantasy that their spouse would create a word game and make them play it.

Conspicuously missing from this thread, despite multiple requests, are any evidence OP has of him 1) liking his wife the way he wants to be liked 2) praising his wife as he wants to be praised.

Yeah. There is a lot of stuff missing from this thread. It’s kind of the equivalent of a woman complaining that her husband doesn’t want to have sex with her because she is socially awkward at parties. At first you want to be all sympathetic, but then she tells you that she isn’t just awkward, she is really odd at parties, and then that she has tried to lure her husband into bed by spending her time making up puzzles that he doesn’t really like to play.
You want to be like, “have you tried putting down the puzzles and touching his penis?”

I think OP needs to go back to the basics here.

Did you have a somewhat dominant, over-involved mother? Your wife is filled with contempt for you. As others have mentioned, focus on improving yourself. Therapy, working-out, the games you enjoy/hobbies- but do them outside the house with like-minded friends. Do that make you feel strong and confident. You need to care LESS not more about what your wife has to say. Take your kids with you hiking, bike-riding,, etc. Man up a bit and respect yourself. Your marriage might not be salvageable, but for the future know that no woman likes a passive, approval- seeking man. Lean into your masculinity and worry less about social quirks. Work on increasing your income- our society has nothing but praise for big-earners with your same quirks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a real question and I don't want an answer. But I am a socially awkward guy who is successful. By no means do I think I'm perfect, but I would love to come in from work one day and hear that I did something well. Does that ever happen to men?

I come home and try to spend time with her but she always tells me she doesn't want to hear about our direct care about my interests whether that be books or TV shows or games, parenting whatever. No-go.

Instead, she'll point out things I do wrong that I guess embarrass her and focus on that, telling me how to improve. But then I improve and create another dependency and the cycle repeats.

It's frustrating because I feel like she married this nerdy dude and she knew he was nerdy. Now she's trying to change me for social acceptance, and meanwhile nerdy me feels isolated.

You come home from work and want her to tell you that you did something well. Are you coming home with dinner? Did you run to the store for her during your lunch break?
I mean, typically when you get home from work, she hasn’t actually seen you do anything yet, so it’s not surprising that she isn’t telling you what you did well.
Also, that 5:30 time that you get home from work is usually a super busy, stressful time. She’s getting dinner on the table, wrangling hungry kids, etc. It’s not a time to discuss the novel you are reading.

Today, when you get home from work, jump in and engage in real, practical help with whatever she is doing. If she is cooking and there is an onion waiting to be chopped, then chop the onion. If the kids are upset about something, see what’s going on with them. Then, later, during dinner or when the kids are winding down or in bed, you talk about your day or the book you are reading.

Just stop with this type of banter. Stop.

What type of banter?
My husband also used to find it very offensive that I didn’t want to talk to him right when he got home from work. The thing is, the time of day he got home from work was the time of day that I wanted to leave my family and flee to Montana. I have also just gotten home from work and am trying to get a dinner for seven on the table. Older kids are needing help with homework. Little kids are up from naps, hungry for dinner, and under foot. There is a short window of time between when DH gets home and running a kid to xyz activity. It’s not a good time to talk. It’s probably a time that I might snap that I don’t care about his day.
If DH comes home with dinner, then I am definitely grateful, and I tell him so. Otherwise, no. I don’t tell him he did a good job today. How do I know? His day with me just started a few seconds ago.

As far as coming home from work and jumping right in and helping with dinner prep, that’s my fantasy, and I think a pretty typical female fantasy. I would say that it’s akin to the male fantasy that his wife will come to bed in sexy lingerie.
No one has a fantasy that their spouse would create a word game and make them play it.

Conspicuously missing from this thread, despite multiple requests, are any evidence OP has of him 1) liking his wife the way he wants to be liked 2) praising his wife as he wants to be praised.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a real question and I don't want an answer. But I am a socially awkward guy who is successful. By no means do I think I'm perfect, but I would love to come in from work one day and hear that I did something well. Does that ever happen to men?

I come home and try to spend time with her but she always tells me she doesn't want to hear about our direct care about my interests whether that be books or TV shows or games, parenting whatever. No-go.

Instead, she'll point out things I do wrong that I guess embarrass her and focus on that, telling me how to improve. But then I improve and create another dependency and the cycle repeats.

It's frustrating because I feel like she married this nerdy dude and she knew he was nerdy. Now she's trying to change me for social acceptance, and meanwhile nerdy me feels isolated.

You come home from work and want her to tell you that you did something well. Are you coming home with dinner? Did you run to the store for her during your lunch break?
I mean, typically when you get home from work, she hasn’t actually seen you do anything yet, so it’s not surprising that she isn’t telling you what you did well.
Also, that 5:30 time that you get home from work is usually a super busy, stressful time. She’s getting dinner on the table, wrangling hungry kids, etc. It’s not a time to discuss the novel you are reading.

Today, when you get home from work, jump in and engage in real, practical help with whatever she is doing. If she is cooking and there is an onion waiting to be chopped, then chop the onion. If the kids are upset about something, see what’s going on with them. Then, later, during dinner or when the kids are winding down or in bed, you talk about your day or the book you are reading.

Just stop with this type of banter. Stop.

What type of banter?
My husband also used to find it very offensive that I didn’t want to talk to him right when he got home from work. The thing is, the time of day he got home from work was the time of day that I wanted to leave my family and flee to Montana. I have also just gotten home from work and am trying to get a dinner for seven on the table. Older kids are needing help with homework. Little kids are up from naps, hungry for dinner, and under foot. There is a short window of time between when DH gets home and running a kid to xyz activity. It’s not a good time to talk. It’s probably a time that I might snap that I don’t care about his day.
If DH comes home with dinner, then I am definitely grateful, and I tell him so. Otherwise, no. I don’t tell him he did a good job today. How do I know? His day with me just started a few seconds ago.

As far as coming home from work and jumping right in and helping with dinner prep, that’s my fantasy, and I think a pretty typical female fantasy. I would say that it’s akin to the male fantasy that his wife will come to bed in sexy lingerie.
No one has a fantasy that their spouse would create a word game and make them play it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a real question and I don't want an answer. But I am a socially awkward guy who is successful. By no means do I think I'm perfect, but I would love to come in from work one day and hear that I did something well. Does that ever happen to men?

I come home and try to spend time with her but she always tells me she doesn't want to hear about our direct care about my interests whether that be books or TV shows or games, parenting whatever. No-go.

Instead, she'll point out things I do wrong that I guess embarrass her and focus on that, telling me how to improve. But then I improve and create another dependency and the cycle repeats.

It's frustrating because I feel like she married this nerdy dude and she knew he was nerdy. Now she's trying to change me for social acceptance, and meanwhile nerdy me feels isolated.

You come home from work and want her to tell you that you did something well. Are you coming home with dinner? Did you run to the store for her during your lunch break?
I mean, typically when you get home from work, she hasn’t actually seen you do anything yet, so it’s not surprising that she isn’t telling you what you did well.
Also, that 5:30 time that you get home from work is usually a super busy, stressful time. She’s getting dinner on the table, wrangling hungry kids, etc. It’s not a time to discuss the novel you are reading.

Today, when you get home from work, jump in and engage in real, practical help with whatever she is doing. If she is cooking and there is an onion waiting to be chopped, then chop the onion. If the kids are upset about something, see what’s going on with them. Then, later, during dinner or when the kids are winding down or in bed, you talk about your day or the book you are reading.

Just stop with this type of banter. Stop.

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you complain that you raise one issue and she raises six issues in return, you may be misunderstanding what is going on her her head. If you complain she is ignoring you and she brings up your facebook time, she may be trying to explain something to you: "I am ignoring you because I feel ignored." Or "I was not focusing on you because you did not see interested in me."

You are assuming it's a hostile tit-for-tat. She may simply be trying to ask you to see how things look from her perspective. If you want her to say, "I'm sorry, I don't want you to feel ignored, I care about you," you need to be willing to hear her, too, and tell her, "I guess I did not realize that YOU feel hurt by me, too."

Is he ignoring her though by going on Facebook? If she asks a question does he ignore her or brush her off because he is on Facebook? Does she want to do something and he can’t because of Facebook? Ignoring doesn’t mean you went to the mall with a friend or read a paper and didn’t hang out with your significant other. It means ignoring. When you want to talk and the person won’t or when you say something and the person doesn’t acknowledge it. When you never seem interested in them but overly interested in other things. Men in movies read the paper all the time. Now it’s the phone but it’s still the same thing. Is that ignoring? What need of hers is not being met if she hasn’t brought it up before?

This is sad. Sorry you're going through this.

OP, when you complain that you raise one issue and she raises six issues in return, you may be misunderstanding what is going on her her head. If you complain she is ignoring you and she brings up your facebook time, she may be trying to explain something to you: "I am ignoring you because I feel ignored." Or "I was not focusing on you because you did not see interested in me."

You are assuming it's a hostile tit-for-tat. She may simply be trying to ask you to see how things look from her perspective. If you want her to say, "I'm sorry, I don't want you to feel ignored, I care about you," you need to be willing to hear her, too, and tell her, "I guess I did not realize that YOU feel hurt by me, too."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is deeply insecure and has extreme anxiety found someone who will tolerate her BS. The more she focuses on your shortcomings the less she has to acknowledge hers.

That’s it. Nothing more nothing less.

+1000.

How do you get people like this to stop being so insecure in a nice way rather than boastful? People like this are the worst for me to deal with. I do not feel insecure or anxious about new things and am a big problem solver and these people bother me to no end and they hate it that I don’t have the same negative outlook and angst. I feel like the only way I can be at their level is to complain about others or quit on something like they do and I hate myself when I do that. I’m a growth minded person and these people from all areas of my life seem to spend all their time announcing an issue with something while never bringing anything to the table. Even if I agree with them on a subject that something is bad I dont care about it enough. They don’t like a person and they said something stupid. I say that was stupid but really it’s just words and the actual issue is a much larger issue they refuse to focus on because they don’t like the actual goal or result. If I’m working hard on something with them and often for their benefit or wish and it becomes too hard for them then all of a sudden I’m to blame for giving them a task that is too hard or done wrong and not worthy enough. It’s a type of narcissism. One of them said to me the only fault they could find in themselves was that they cared too much about others and all I could think about was how they cared too much to tell others how they felt about everything all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

This is why I’ve chosen intentional spinsterhood. Men are disgusting and we enable them to be so. The whole game sucks.

I always wonder when I see a post bashing men (like this one). And there are many of them on DCUM.

PP - If men are disgusting, does that include your dad, brothers, and nephews?

DP but my dad is exhibit 1. Put my mom through hell to avoid child support, then had a kid with another woman, then quit his job to avoid paying her child support too. He’s now trying to screw his sisters over in the distribution of his mom’s estate. He never changed a diaper, never did any emotional labor in any of his marriages. While I love my father, if I thought my marriage would be like any of his, I never would have done it.

This is why I’ve chosen intentional spinsterhood. Men are disgusting and we enable them to be so. The whole game sucks.

I always wonder when I see a post bashing men (like this one). And there are many of them on DCUM.

PP - If men are disgusting, does that include your dad, brothers, and nephews?

So what kind of puzzles are we into tonight? Card puzzles? I'm not to into word puzzles, but I've been more into them lately with my kids because it helps them learn to read. I don't really like the arithmetic puzzles either but they're good for the kids learning that stuff.

I will say that I talked to an old lady at church and she was into word searches and that brought me back to my grade school days. So I do a few of those with my boys too.

Crosswords, nah.
Wordle. Nope
Boggle is a good one because it's not competitive and I can do it with my boys

Sudoku and the variants
Chess puzzles

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine also said out of nowhere that he wants to hear how awesome he was. I said negative things only when he had unloaded 10 on me. I didn't have any positive things say to be honest, so I didn't.
We hardly talked, so it's not like I was going on and on about his bad behavior socially. He just had a need an I couldn't fulfill it after days and days of silent treatment.

And this is how affairs happen, even with fat/old/ugly women wives are shocked by.

Because women fail to sufficiently fawn over men who treat them badly? OK.

Well, yes, and because another woman will.

This is why I’ve chosen intentional spinsterhood. Men are disgusting and we enable them to be so. The whole game sucks.