Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 15:15     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
I judge Op for having the girl at her house 9:30pm on a school night. And being so judgmental when she has no idea what the family dynamic or relationship is. Op, obviously wants to be cool mom above all else
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 14:14     Subject: Re:Odd visit from DS GF dad
Not enough info or context to judge the dad's actions here, but i do agree with the other posters who say 9:30 pm on a weeknight is way too damn late for your son's GF to be hanging out at the house regularly.

What time does your DS go to bed??? 11:00 pm or midnight on school nights?
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 12:33     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let her go out of the house with him. I've seen enough true crime documentaries and Criminal Minds episodes to know that non-active parents are usually the ones who kidnap their kids.

I would have called her mom or asked her to call her mom.

Sorry, you're not a parent if you live an hour away and rarely see your kid. He may be her father but he's not parenting her. You're basically the equivalent of uncle frank that everyone see's twice a year a thanksgiving and easter.


Not true. Many people don’t have the luxury to have the same job in same location forever. Sometimes a parent has to relocate. If you are married, that means the whole family moves. If you are divorced, that means one parent had more time with kids than the other. That doesn’t make them a bad parent.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 12:30     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let her go out of the house with him. I've seen enough true crime documentaries and Criminal Minds episodes to know that non-active parents are usually the ones who kidnap their kids.

I would have called her mom or asked her to call her mom.

Sorry, you're not a parent if you live an hour away and rarely see your kid. He may be her father but he's not parenting her. You're basically the equivalent of uncle frank that everyone see's twice a year a thanksgiving and easter.


uh, wow.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 11:31     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
I wouldn't have let her go out of the house with him. I've seen enough true crime documentaries and Criminal Minds episodes to know that non-active parents are usually the ones who kidnap their kids.

I would have called her mom or asked her to call her mom.

Sorry, you're not a parent if you live an hour away and rarely see your kid. He may be her father but he's not parenting her. You're basically the equivalent of uncle frank that everyone see's twice a year a thanksgiving and easter.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 11:30     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you are being very judgmental. You have no idea what the family dynamic or relationship is. I had a father that lived an hr away too. In high school, I saw him way way less. Even though the custodial agreement was every other weekend and holiday and 6 weeks in summer. I had my friends, sports, activities and I didn’t want to miss out on those things. I had a great relationship with and he understood this and left it up to me in high school, for when I wanted to come over. I imagine there is also a hard social pull for the gf to stay close to home right now too- it doesn’t mean her father is uninvolved or a poor father.

I also think it is inappropriate she is over your house so much late in the evening on school nights. While yes she is also at an adult, she is a high school student. Doesn’t she have sports, homework, a job, other things she needs to do during the week? My kids do and can’t hang out at friends’ houses several afternoons per week until 9:30+ But that isn’t your problem, that’s on her parents.

As for the dad coming over. I would assume a stipulation to her owning and having a cell phone payed for is that she keeps tracking on. They have likely discussed this. If that was the expectation and she knew it, yet decided to turn it off for days and not respond, then yes- I don’t think dad looking for her is out of line. Maybe her mom wouldn’t answer, maybe dad and mom don’t have a cordial relationship, maybe mom didn’t know where she was or why tracking was off...you don’t know. So stop judging



+1


+2
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 11:19     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
Anonymous wrote:Why do these teens have so much time to socialize on school nights? Between EC’s, school work, and family dinner, my teens do not have additional time on school nights and definitely would not be allowed to hang out with a boyfriend until 9:30. My teen is showering, finishing work and packing her lunch at that time, not watching a movie!


I guess they aren’t in any advanced classes?
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 11:15     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
Why do these teens have so much time to socialize on school nights? Between EC’s, school work, and family dinner, my teens do not have additional time on school nights and definitely would not be allowed to hang out with a boyfriend until 9:30. My teen is showering, finishing work and packing her lunch at that time, not watching a movie!
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 11:01     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
Anonymous wrote:I think you are being very judgmental. You have no idea what the family dynamic or relationship is. I had a father that lived an hr away too. In high school, I saw him way way less. Even though the custodial agreement was every other weekend and holiday and 6 weeks in summer. I had my friends, sports, activities and I didn’t want to miss out on those things. I had a great relationship with and he understood this and left it up to me in high school, for when I wanted to come over. I imagine there is also a hard social pull for the gf to stay close to home right now too- it doesn’t mean her father is uninvolved or a poor father.

I also think it is inappropriate she is over your house so much late in the evening on school nights. While yes she is also at an adult, she is a high school student. Doesn’t she have sports, homework, a job, other things she needs to do during the week? My kids do and can’t hang out at friends’ houses several afternoons per week until 9:30+ But that isn’t your problem, that’s on her parents.

As for the dad coming over. I would assume a stipulation to her owning and having a cell phone payed for is that she keeps tracking on. They have likely discussed this. If that was the expectation and she knew it, yet decided to turn it off for days and not respond, then yes- I don’t think dad looking for her is out of line. Maybe her mom wouldn’t answer, maybe dad and mom don’t have a cordial relationship, maybe mom didn’t know where she was or why tracking was off...you don’t know. So stop judging



+1
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 09:57     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
You're getting a glimpse at why this guy isn't in her life anymore.
He could and should have reached out to her in any. Umber of places other than her boyfriemds house but he was showing her that he is in control. I suspect she didn't just turn off location, but stopped all interactions with him. He was making a point to her "if I'm not in control, I am going to embarrass you."

Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 08:52     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your son and this girl have been dating for all of two months. You’re in no position to judge her father. You don’t know anything about the family dynamics. Mind your own friggin business.


He made it her frogging business when as the noncustodial parent he showed up at her house, while the ACTUAL custodial parents knew the daughter was there.


You’re assuming that the OP is in any position to know what kind of arrangement or understanding - legal or otherwise - that the girlfriend’s family has with regard to visitation, authority, or anything else. The only thing that OP knows is what the girlfriend, a minor child who has been dating her young son for fewer weeks than I can count on my fingers, has told her. And OP barely knows the mother at all. She’s “met” her. Big whoop.

I shudder to think about what my teenaged daughters might have said about me in an off moment, and I am a custodial parent who has a great relationship with my kids.

The bottom line is that OP is overstepping. She barely knows the family and, honestly, she barely even knows the girlfriend.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 08:47     Subject: Re:Odd visit from DS GF dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If my child turned off the locator app, I’d be looking for her. And I’d go to the places that I’d tracked her to before. I think you’re off base here.


Yeah me too.

Whoa. This probably ought to be raised in a separate thread, but you track your teen’s’ whereabouts all the time?


Not those posters but yes, I do and they track me as well. If they don't want a tracker, they can pay for their own phone as it’s for my needs, not theirs.

But, so often that you know where they are at all times and freak out if you can’t immediately locate their whereabouts? That seems like a major privacy violation. If they are late getting home, fine, but creepy otherwise.


You don't get privacy as a child. Even before cell phones, I always had to tell my parents where I was and call if I was late.

Yes, I know where they are at all times, and they know where I am. You should try parenting.


We are parenting. You should try being less of a helicoptering lunatic.


Seriously. Some of these parents are off their rockers. Their poor kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 08:46     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
I think you are being very judgmental. You have no idea what the family dynamic or relationship is. I had a father that lived an hr away too. In high school, I saw him way way less. Even though the custodial agreement was every other weekend and holiday and 6 weeks in summer. I had my friends, sports, activities and I didn’t want to miss out on those things. I had a great relationship with and he understood this and left it up to me in high school, for when I wanted to come over. I imagine there is also a hard social pull for the gf to stay close to home right now too- it doesn’t mean her father is uninvolved or a poor father.

I also think it is inappropriate she is over your house so much late in the evening on school nights. While yes she is also at an adult, she is a high school student. Doesn’t she have sports, homework, a job, other things she needs to do during the week? My kids do and can’t hang out at friends’ houses several afternoons per week until 9:30+ But that isn’t your problem, that’s on her parents.

As for the dad coming over. I would assume a stipulation to her owning and having a cell phone payed for is that she keeps tracking on. They have likely discussed this. If that was the expectation and she knew it, yet decided to turn it off for days and not respond, then yes- I don’t think dad looking for her is out of line. Maybe her mom wouldn’t answer, maybe dad and mom don’t have a cordial relationship, maybe mom didn’t know where she was or why tracking was off...you don’t know. So stop judging

Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 08:42     Subject: Re:Odd visit from DS GF dad
Dad better be careful. In a year his daughter will have no legal obligation to have any contact with him whatsoever. Then he’ll reap the relationship he sowed.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2023 08:41     Subject: Odd visit from DS GF dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What high schoolers have time for movies on week days? Call me old-fashioned, but with younger siblings in house (and even if not), I think it is rude to be at someone else’s home after 9pm. Rheres a true disconnect here. HS parents are complaining that their kids can’t get into their state’s flagship colleges, and here we are playing video games and watching movies during the week. Kids in this area (perhaps OP is t DMV) have homework, sports, extracurriculars, jobs, etc and don’t have this amount of free time during the week.


Pro Tip: It’s not “rude” when the hosting parent INVITED you.


Clearly no one ever invites the PP to their home at all.