Anonymous wrote:I emailed her H. That was pretty satisfying. She was part of a friends group and cutting them off was also satisfying because they tried to pretend to “my friend” to get information for her. I stayed friends with the ones that just didn’t get involved. The ones I cut off are still a little bitter.

I actually confronted another one because she was single. She also wrote me a letter begging me to be friends and she’d promise not to sleep with my h anymore. I told her about the married one, that was fun. She told me I was a bad wife, lol. I ran into her dad and said, “your daughter dates married men btw, I think she needs therapy”. He later made her get therapy do I feel I did the world a favor

I am not afraid of conflict so it was fine for me but I think it’s bad if you avoid conflict or that brings you anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am an OW. If I were confronted, I would say I'm sorry and I don't expect her forgiveness. She can tell my husband, but he already knows and knew from the beginning. I was intensely lonely in my own marriage and made a terrible mistake in a moment of weakness. He told me everything I wanted to hear and made me feel beautiful and alive again, and told me that his wife was not interested in him or his needs at all and that he was lonely too.

You sound like a complete and utter idiot or maybe a victim of abuse who has stunted development. Were you abused as a child?

Yes.

I’m sorry you were abused. Has your therapist explained why you do destructive things?

Are you wondering if the straying H was abused? It takes two to tango…

Yes I wonder. Or bipolar. But he’s not here to answer.

90% of bipolar spouses cheat. 80% of child abuse victims cheat.

It’s not a huge leap,

She clearly used language that people who suffered childhood abuse use. Any 1/2 decent therapist can read her post and predict she was a victim of child abuser.

I am curious about this. What in the specific language she used suggested she had been a child abuse victim?

It’s not a book she wrote what in her post does not scream I was abused?

Sorry what?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my 30s my close friend succumbed to this. He was a senior partner at her firm well respected and she was his mentee. They had a multi year torrid affair that consumed her 30s and she missed her chance to marry. He eventually died. She remained single. It broke my heart to watch bc she was so beautiful, smart, intelligent, successful and a good person. She had some unresolved childhood issues. It was hard to watch, because I love her and didn’t want her to miss having a husband. But I never judged her or considered her a bad person. Just a real person with real history and real limitations that tripped her up. She was repeatedly a target for older married men but only ever responded to this one.

Did you meet his wife?9

Anonymous wrote:In my 30s my close friend succumbed to this. He was a senior partner at her firm well respected and she was his mentee. They had a multi year torrid affair that consumed her 30s and she missed her chance to marry. He eventually died. She remained single. It broke my heart to watch bc she was so beautiful, smart, intelligent, successful and a good person. She had some unresolved childhood issues. It was hard to watch, because I love her and didn’t want her to miss having a husband. But I never judged her or considered her a bad person. Just a real person with real history and real limitations that tripped her up. She was repeatedly a target for older married men but only ever responded to this one.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am an OW. If I were confronted, I would say I'm sorry and I don't expect her forgiveness. She can tell my husband, but he already knows and knew from the beginning. I was intensely lonely in my own marriage and made a terrible mistake in a moment of weakness. He told me everything I wanted to hear and made me feel beautiful and alive again, and told me that his wife was not interested in him or his needs at all and that he was lonely too.

You sound like a complete and utter idiot or maybe a victim of abuse who has stunted development. Were you abused as a child?

Yes.

I’m sorry you were abused. Has your therapist explained why you do destructive things?

Are you wondering if the straying H was abused? It takes two to tango…

Yes I wonder. Or bipolar. But he’s not here to answer.

90% of bipolar spouses cheat. 80% of child abuse victims cheat.

It’s not a huge leap,

She clearly used language that people who suffered childhood abuse use. Any 1/2 decent therapist can read her post and predict she was a victim of child abuser.

I am curious about this. What in the specific language she used suggested she had been a child abuse victim?

It’s not a book she wrote what in her post does not scream I was abused?

Anonymous wrote:Look, I know you think you know everything but you don’t. Most of us have been propositioned by married guys and turned them down and judged them as slimeballs. I’m betting your DH’s OW did too. You simply do not know what transpired between them that made her say yes to him.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an OW. If I were confronted, I would say I'm sorry and I don't expect her forgiveness. She can tell my husband, but he already knows and knew from the beginning. I was intensely lonely in my own marriage and made a terrible mistake in a moment of weakness. He told me everything I wanted to hear and made me feel beautiful and alive again, and told me that his wife was not interested in him or his needs at all and that he was lonely too.

You sound like a complete and utter idiot or maybe a victim of abuse who has stunted development. Were you abused as a child?

Yes.

I’m sorry you were abused. Has your therapist explained why you do destructive things?

Are you wondering if the straying H was abused? It takes two to tango…

Yes I wonder. Or bipolar. But he’s not here to answer.

90% of bipolar spouses cheat. 80% of child abuse victims cheat.

It’s not a huge leap,

She clearly used language that people who suffered childhood abuse use. Any 1/2 decent therapist can read her post and predict she was a victim of child abuser.

I am curious about this. What in the specific language she used suggested she had been a child abuse victim?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If she’s married, yes, confront. It will scare the sh@t out of her that you might tell her husband. You don’t have to be crazy or loony. You are just some abstract person to them- not someone who is real with kids and a life and emotions.

Then, decide what you want to do. But, advice is usually for all 4 involved to know (both betrayed spouses) so there are two sets of eyes on the problem if the betrayed spouses choose to reconcile.

It’s par for the course that someone with no empathy or character would blame you. It’s almost comical in that sense. You really can see the borderline personality disorder firsthand. It’s everyone else’s fault. They will try sympathy first and then lash out in anger when that doesn’t work.

The only proper response by an OW/OM (and spouse): I’m so sorry. But, none have empathy or character to say that.

They will often lie to try to hurt you more. You aren’t going to get any truth out of them.

You know what, empathy is a two way street. It’s amusing how the wives are all up on a soap box about how the OW has no empathy for the wife’s feelings while portray Ming the OW like some cartoon villain and not another real person whom her DH snowed.

The DHs snowed them? They knew he was married. Most were married too. There was no snowing. Only disappointment they couldn’t get him to leave. Christ. Blameless til the bitter end.

Case in point. You’d rather draw caricatures than think about the other people involved as people. Only you are real and have feelings clearly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an OW. If I were confronted, I would say I'm sorry and I don't expect her forgiveness. She can tell my husband, but he already knows and knew from the beginning. I was intensely lonely in my own marriage and made a terrible mistake in a moment of weakness. He told me everything I wanted to hear and made me feel beautiful and alive again, and told me that his wife was not interested in him or his needs at all and that he was lonely too.

You sound like a complete and utter idiot or maybe a victim of abuse who has stunted development. Were you abused as a child?

Yes.

I’m sorry you were abused. Has your therapist explained why you do destructive things?

Are you wondering if the straying H was abused? It takes two to tango…

Yes I wonder. Or bipolar. But he’s not here to answer.

90% of bipolar spouses cheat. 80% of child abuse victims cheat.

It’s not a huge leap,

She clearly used language that people who suffered childhood abuse use. Any 1/2 decent therapist can read her post and predict she was a victim of child abuser.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an OW. If I were confronted, I would say I'm sorry and I don't expect her forgiveness. She can tell my husband, but he already knows and knew from the beginning. I was intensely lonely in my own marriage and made a terrible mistake in a moment of weakness. He told me everything I wanted to hear and made me feel beautiful and alive again, and told me that his wife was not interested in him or his needs at all and that he was lonely too.

You dummy

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Anonymous wrote:It's amusing but also sad how desperate some women are just to be married that they stay with a cheater -- and then try to act like they've won something. Your cheater DH sucks but so do you...

It's really very sad.

We got one proud to be married to a cheater who has no respect for his kids or ex as his mother but she thinks she has a prize because she doesn't think she was the OW.

One who thinks she won because she yelled at two of his affair partners.

Another because the ow is single and in her opinion ugly.

And now claiming they stay for the children.

I hope Gen Z women do better

You left out the married OW banging married guys whose husband knew from the beginning she was doing this. And has no remorse, just blame for everyone else…and the new D made her feel beautiful and seen

Yep. No respect for her husband or own kids. Double standards on this board are crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s married, yes, confront. It will scare the sh@t out of her that you might tell her husband. You don’t have to be crazy or loony. You are just some abstract person to them- not someone who is real with kids and a life and emotions.

Then, decide what you want to do. But, advice is usually for all 4 involved to know (both betrayed spouses) so there are two sets of eyes on the problem if the betrayed spouses choose to reconcile.

It’s par for the course that someone with no empathy or character would blame you. It’s almost comical in that sense. You really can see the borderline personality disorder firsthand. It’s everyone else’s fault. They will try sympathy first and then lash out in anger when that doesn’t work.

The only proper response by an OW/OM (and spouse): I’m so sorry. But, none have empathy or character to say that.

They will often lie to try to hurt you more. You aren’t going to get any truth out of them.

You know what, empathy is a two way street. It’s amusing how the wives are all up on a soap box about how the OW has no empathy for the wife’s feelings while portray Ming the OW like some cartoon villain and not another real person whom her DH snowed.

The DHs snowed them? They knew he was married. Most were married too. There was no snowing. Only disappointment they couldn’t get him to leave. Christ. Blameless til the bitter end.

Anonymous wrote:I am an OW. If I were confronted, I would say I'm sorry and I don't expect her forgiveness. She can tell my husband, but he already knows and knew from the beginning. I was intensely lonely in my own marriage and made a terrible mistake in a moment of weakness. He told me everything I wanted to hear and made me feel beautiful and alive again, and told me that his wife was not interested in him or his needs at all and that he was lonely too.