None of us is getting out of here alive. There is no "winning." People treating this like some kind of board game strategy where you have to make moves x, y, and z in your twenties to win the game have a very unrealistic view of life.

You're going to get to (or have to) experience a certain number of moments, and then you're going to die. That's it. Make the most of all of it, from birth until death.

Anonymous wrote:Huh. All the women I know wasted their 20s by:

- getting JDs and MBAs and PhDs and CS degrees
- living in amazing cities like NYC and London and Madrid
- traveling
- having great sex (and generating great storied for the bad sex)
- going to yoga and brunch on Sundays
- working hard at prestigious professional jobs that established their financial security for the rest of their lives
- if they wanted and it worked out, getting married and having babies in their 30s

+1

Good times. Nothing "wasted".

Don’t expect your future husband to be everything and especially not superficial things- tall, celebrity hot, successful, brilliant, funny, kind, family oriented, thoughtful, the same level of religious observance, well-read, from a “good” family, good dresser, into your friends and hobbies etc. figure out a FEW things that are essential for you to be happy in a relationship (for example some permutation of: loyal, kind, supportive of your career or desire to stay home with kids, competent, similar attitude about money or similar upbringing, same faith, trustworthy, ambitious, funny, easygoing; etc.) and be flexible on the rest.

Everyone is a package deal. No one is going to be perfect so don’t chase perfect. And don’t chase the thrill you had in a prior relationship like a first love or a guy who broke your heart. Don’t mistake insecure attachment for passion/desire.

Lastly, know your self worth. Do not stay in the wrong relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you well because you think you can’t do better.

Anonymous wrote:Pretending for a moment this is not another incel thread.
What makes any of you think your dating advice from 20 to 40 years ago is at all relevant to women 25 and younger?

Actually first few post of this thread are whatever one would classify as women incels. The basics are the same - problems around sexual relationship with hostility to the opposite sex.

I spent my twenties in med school and residency. I like my job now, but, looking back, I’m not sure it was worth it. It was really frightening a lot of the time, and I missed out on what’s a really great decade for a lot of people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying right after college is cool and smart. You should be in that mentality.

Sleeping around aka "dating" around is gross, unhealthy, and leads to mental despair.

Your laptop, PowerPoint, Excel, email job is not actually important.

Stop being an alcoholic.

Traveling is a time and money sink.

Huh so I should have married my loser boyfriend instead of taking a Fulbright after college? Good to know!

Don’t date losers!! At any age!!!

Well I am being a little mean to call him a “loser.” True he had zero ambition and never got a professional job. But he was a nice guy, earned a living, devoted to his friends, fun. I just did not really see him in my life - we were too different in our goals. The real mistake I’d tell my 20-something self was that I wasn’t confident enough to just break up with him. I strung him along and ghosted for a while, which was really painful for him. Obviously, forcing myself to marry the wrong person and not taking life-changing travel/academic opportunities would have been absolutely stupid. But so would have been breaking up with him while we were still having a nice relationship.

I feel like you should link right from this thread, to every thread in the Relationships forum about how bored unhappy and unfulfilled people are in their marriages by 40.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things I wasted:
My dating potential - I should have dated more!
My f*ckablity potential - I should have f*d more men!
My career potential - I should have gone for a high paying career!

+1 Don’t pass up f$cking the hot guy with the 🍆 because you’re scared you won’t be marriage material later.

Oh, absolutely yeeeesssss!

Sorry, I'm back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying right after college is cool and smart. You should be in that mentality.

Sleeping around aka "dating" around is gross, unhealthy, and leads to mental despair.

Your laptop, PowerPoint, Excel, email job is not actually important.

Stop being an alcoholic.

Traveling is a time and money sink.

Huh so I should have married my loser boyfriend instead of taking a Fulbright after college? Good to know!

Don’t date losers!! At any age!!!

Anonymous wrote:Pretending for a moment this is not another incel thread.
What makes any of you think your dating advice from 20 to 40 years ago is at all relevant to women 25 and younger?

Lol what? I’m in my mid 30s.

Anonymous wrote:Bottomless brunches, glamour travel, social media, bar/restaurant scenes, not being aggressive during job interviews then complaining about ‘the system’, being too picky with dating match requirements when they themselves are 4 to 6s at best.

Eating and drinking out all the time as a young professional made a lot of my peers put on their “grown woman weight” (aka big tequila/wine/carb gut). I would definitely tell younger women to moderate that. Like have fun, but you’re not *supposed* to be 30-50 lbs heavier by the time you hit 28 just because you’re getting older. It’s because you’re eating and drinking too much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are both 24, been together for 2 years, both working, one going to grad school next year. Should you insist on engagement before moving with him to new town or wait until he finishes school?

Elope. 9 months is the avg time before marriage, 24 months is more than enough time. Elope.

You forgot the part where they figure out if they actually want to get married.

They started dating in their 20s and it's been 2 years. Either they do or they don't.

Bottomless brunches, glamour travel, social media, bar/restaurant scenes, not being aggressive during job interviews then complaining about ‘the system’, being too picky with dating match requirements when they themselves are 4 to 6s at best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretending for a moment this is not another incel thread.
What makes any of you think your dating advice from 20 to 40 years ago is at all relevant to women 25 and younger?

m

As someone who dates in the 21-25 age range, it’s very coming for them to think of 25 as the time to get serious about relationships and not 30 as was common when I was young.

I've observed the same. Today's 21-25 year old women seem to have gotten the message that the pool of eligible men is only going to get smaller. It's not because women "expire" after 30 or any nonsense like that, it's because the good men get snapped up early.

Anonymous wrote:2 years, max! If he is not committing long term, move on. Twenties are the most valuable years, so don't waste them.

This. I gave this advice to my daughter.