Anonymous wrote:OP, who were all the people that you invited to your Halloween parties and July 4th BBQs?

Also, you remind me of someone I know who seems to have low self esteem and thinks no one ever likes her. She lives in my neighborhood, and she is friendly, trim, smart, etc. I've gone on several walks with her. And she'll tell me on those walks that she thinks people don't include her in things because she's a person of color (coincidentally, she's Indian like another person asked upthread). And that is absolutely preposterous!

She just comes across as pretty insecure and it's a turnoff. On one of our first walks we saw someone that we both knew and I asked her how she knew this person. And she went on to tell me how she doesn't think that person likes her. She once (out of the blue) asked me to drive her child home from sports practice because she didn't feel it was safe for him to walk home (in a neighborhood where kids walk everywhere and he was in middle school). So she is just enough awkwardly out there.

She is a nice person with a kind heart and I like to walk with her once in awhile, and I'd get a cup of coffee with her. But I can see why she'd have trouble making friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you aren’t socially awkward? I have a coworker who is fat, ugly, and incredibly loud and abrasive. No one wants them around and I see them floundering around at social events, completely oblivious. Are you truly sure there isn’t something about you two that is putting people off?

Rude. Fat and ugly wouldn’t stop me from being someone’s friend, but loud and abrasive would.

Yeah, the kind of person who comments on other people being fat and ugly would send me running. A person's looks would not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It probably is a vibe or energy thing. I have been in therapy about this issue of not having friends and I never got anywhere with it as the therapist never had any insights for me or suggestions. The therapist would always say, "it sounds like you're doing everything right, and I don't know why you're not having success socially."

How would I be able to figure out what the vibe thing is? I've often asked my husband if I put out some kind of negative vibe or whatever when he sees me in social situations and he always says no. I don't have anyone else to ask honestly since I don't really have any good friends. We're both pretty normal so it is puzzling.

Interestingly, neither of my parents has friends either and never has. My in-laws are more social and have friends.

are you intense?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something is wrong with OP and her husband if they have no friends after staying here for 15 years.

I don’t think so. I grew up in Northern Virginia and my parents never had any friends, other than coworkers who lived far, far away and they never got together with outside work. They both grew up in tight knit communities where everyone knew everyone. They each had close friends in high school and college. But they lived in the DC area for almost 25 years and never really made friends there. They’re retired now, left the area and they have friends now in their 70s. There’s something about the DC rat race.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you aren’t socially awkward? I have a coworker who is fat, ugly, and incredibly loud and abrasive. No one wants them around and I see them floundering around at social events, completely oblivious. Are you truly sure there isn’t something about you two that is putting people off?

Rude. Fat and ugly wouldn’t stop me from being someone’s friend, but loud and abrasive would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friends are overrated. If you find one decent, loyal friend in life hold on to them. They are a rare find.

Preach. For all the social butterflies here, how many of your ‘friends’ do you think would donate a kidney to you if you need it?

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you aren’t socially awkward? I have a coworker who is fat, ugly, and incredibly loud and abrasive. No one wants them around and I see them floundering around at social events, completely oblivious. Are you truly sure there isn’t something about you two that is putting people off?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you white?

I'd like to know this too - I am not white (although my husband is), and I definitely have a harder time making and keeping friends with the white families at my kids' schools.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It probably is a vibe or energy thing. I have been in therapy about this issue of not having friends and I never got anywhere with it as the therapist never had any insights for me or suggestions. The therapist would always say, "it sounds like you're doing everything right, and I don't know why you're not having success socially."

How would I be able to figure out what the vibe thing is? I've often asked my husband if I put out some kind of negative vibe or whatever when he sees me in social situations and he always says no. I don't have anyone else to ask honestly since I don't really have any good friends. We're both pretty normal so it is puzzling.

Interestingly, neither of my parents has friends either and never has. My in-laws are more social and have friends.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you white?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our social circle definitely shrunk during the pandemic, though I don't think I'd even call it a social circle--it was a few moms from preschool that I'd do playdates with occasionally, but we lost touch during the pandemic. I realized that they probably weren't even real friends since we went three years without seeing each other. Or rather I tried to keep in touch but they didn't seem interested so I stopped reaching out and they never reached back out. I always seem to be the person who no one ever really thinks about contacting.

I think about moving often, but DH doesn't want to do it and says that there's no guarantee we would make friends or things would be better socially for us in a new place. I do think he's right about that. But I realized recently that if we did move, there's no one I would even miss, since we never really made friends here and have zero community or village here. That's pretty sad after living in a new place for over 15 years.

We're not going to move to the places where our families are, for various reasons. So I think we're stuck here until the kids go to college, but this area has never felt like home to me since we have no community or village here. I don't know how to make it feel more like home. After the kids go to college we plan to retire somewhere else.

Anonymous wrote:Also the way you talk about men as if the only things other husbands like are beer, men, cars, sports is so one -dimensional/stereotypical. Does DH seriously think that is what men only like? People are a lot more interesting than that. Honestly, your DH sounds like he is full of himself.