Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Of course it would be a special memory IF everything goes well. The issue is that a lot can go wrong when traveling to another country and I’m not comfortable with those risks because of how young my children are right now. I would consider it when they are older teens.

No one has offered to pay for this trip. Finances were not discussed so I have no idea if they plan to pay for the trip or expect us to purchase tickets. That is why I took that issue out of the equation.

During the call, the question was directed at DH, not me. They only knew I was present in the room.

DH was not invited so that was not an option. However, my DH has a job that makes it difficult to get away. We specifically plan family vacations at specific times that allow for it. Our vacation time together is very important. If he takes the kids without me, I’m losing precious family time together. We regularly incorporate DH’s family into our overseas vacations and pay for a house for everyone to stay together. We regularly host them for long stays at our house.

I promise I am not uptight. I am overly tolerant (to a fault) of how much they expect of us. But given that SIL has been dealing with health problems for over a year due to an accident and MIL went through a hospital stay and months of recovery a year ago due to an unexpected illness, I am not paranoid to worry that unexpected things could happen. A trip with their aunt and grandmother might be nice but is not necessary given that we plan special trips and experiences with them already.

I will propose another trip with them again this summer, but it has to include the parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the poster whose SIL needed to have surgery and wanted to stay in your home while she recuperated and couldn’t walk for weeks, along with your MIL? If so, it sounds like there is already a history of overstepping with those two. Just curious, how did that situation end?

As written, that doesn’t sound like overstepping… sounds like what you do for close family.

Anonymous wrote:My granny took me to England when I was 10 and then died shortly thereafter of an aggressive cancer. It was a highlight of my childhood and really my only clear memories of her.

My knee jerk with my in-laws would also be no, but I would weigh if there’s any way to do it safely to not deprive my kids of a similar memory with their grandparents

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Everyone involved is American. SIL just lives and works overseas. We take trips with them and the kids overseas almost once a year. DH is a pushover and gives in regularly to demands from MIL and SIL that overstep normal boundaries. The FaceTime call included the kids so no, it was not a private conversation. I don’t think they had bad intentions but they often request things from us and then act offended if we say no. Last year, SIL requested to stay with us, along with MIL for 3 weeks during the last month of school when i already had my own family coming for a week right after. When I suggested another time, it didn’t go over well.

I’m fine doing a trip with them over the summer as long as we can get some separate time alone as a family. I would be okay if the kids stayed with her for a weekend while my husband and I traveled somewhere nearby. I’m just not okay with parents being across the ocean. I wouldn’t want my husband to go without me either. They simply want the experience of being alone with the kids.

I appreciate the responses because this is what I needed to know I wasn’t being unreasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent a week with my (childless) aunt in her home country the summer I was 10. It was a wonderful experience (and this was before the days of cell phones so I didn't speak to my parents for the entire week), and I would gladly send my kids to stay alone with my parents or sisters if they were invited. But my family is very close (we visit regularly and my parents provide some childcare during visits, etc.) and also realistic about what we handle. If the country in question is of equal safety/security to the country you live in, I guess I'm not seeing why this is so different then visiting grandma in CA from MD?

It depends on the country and the support. Traveling internationally is a lot more complicated than traveling domestically. Dealing with passports, customs and international laws is significantly more complicated. In addition. there are other countries that have kidnapping laws in place, so you want to make sure that if your children are traveling as unaccompanied minors or traveling with a non-guardian relative (like the grandmother), that you have the appropriate notarized documentation that includes both parents signature that she has authorization to take these children across international borders. Traveling internationally, when you have separate sovereign nation laws, rules, regulations and documentation, can be more difficult, especially if you are not the parent or legal guardian of the child traveling. Many Americans are not good at checking all of the appropriate laws and regulations when traveling internationally, especially if they are traveling to multiple counties and can get into all sorts of legal issues.

For example, I know of a family who was doing something similar (an aunt was taking her nieces to visit a grandparent in Europe). They traveled to one country where they had a layover and then traveled to the destination country. They did not check and they had documentation issues in the layover country and the delay in customs there caused them to miss their transfer flight. All because they didn't have a notarized document signed by both parents that the aunt was authorized to take the kids internationally. And she was not the legal guardian. She had their passports, but not documentation that the parents had approved the travel, so this took hours to resolve. Different nations have different laws and you have to adhere to all of them. When you are the parent, you have certain legal rights. But extended family, like the aunt I knew and OP's MIL (grandmother) are not guaranteed parental rights in international scenarios and that can complicate things.

When you travel from MD to CA, you are traveling entirely within the borders of one nation (the US) and you are not subject to varying international law. There is less complication when traveling intranationally vs internationally.

Anonymous wrote:It is totally fine to say “no” to this. But your original post seemed angry they even asked — which I think is ridiculous. They were making what they thought was a nice offer. Say no graciously

Anonymous wrote:During a Facetime call, my SIL tells DH that their mom would like to bring the kids to visit SIL who lives overseas in Europe over the summer. MIL was also on the call. My kids will be 8 and 10 during the summer. My MIL is 75 and divorced. My SIL (not married, no kids) has been recovering from a long term injury and uses crutches and has some mobility issues. My DH responded that they should talk to me about the kids schedule. I said no, the kids would not be going out of the country without us. They got quiet and changed the subject but I know the discussion is not over. They will try to talk to DH at a time when I am not present and beg him to try to persuade me to change my mind. If this persists, I want to respectfully say no and not create animosity.

First off, I am not comfortable having anyone take my kids out of the country. It has nothing to do with how much I trust my MIL. I wouldn't let anyone in my family take them either. My MIL is 75 and I would not risk a situation where she has a medical emergency and my kids are in another country with no one to bring them home. I don't want to risk a situation where one of the kids has a medical emergency and is in a hospital in another country and we are that far away from them.

I also think it is completely unreasonable to request to travel with young grandkids that far. SIL will be able to travel by summer. She can come to us to see the kids. There is no reason for MIL to take them to SIL. This is just something they want to do for the experience of it.

Putting aside any issues about who is paying for it, am I being unreasonable to say no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent a week with my (childless) aunt in her home country the summer I was 10. It was a wonderful experience (and this was before the days of cell phones so I didn't speak to my parents for the entire week), and I would gladly send my kids to stay alone with my parents or sisters if they were invited. But my family is very close (we visit regularly and my parents provide some childcare during visits, etc.) and also realistic about what we handle. If the country in question is of equal safety/security to the country you live in, I guess I'm not seeing why this is so different then visiting grandma in CA from MD?

It depends on the country and the support. Traveling internationally is a lot more complicated than traveling domestically. Dealing with passports, customs and international laws is significantly more complicated. In addition. there are other countries that have kidnapping laws in place, so you want to make sure that if your children are traveling as unaccompanied minors or traveling with a non-guardian relative (like the grandmother), that you have the appropriate notarized documentation that includes both parents signature that she has authorization to take these children across international borders. Traveling internationally, when you have separate sovereign nation laws, rules, regulations and documentation, can be more difficult, especially if you are not the parent or legal guardian of the child traveling. Many Americans are not good at checking all of the appropriate laws and regulations when traveling internationally, especially if they are traveling to multiple counties and can get into all sorts of legal issues.

For example, I know of a family who was doing something similar (an aunt was taking her nieces to visit a grandparent in Europe). They traveled to one country where they had a layover and then traveled to the destination country. They did not check and they had documentation issues in the layover country and the delay in customs there caused them to miss their transfer flight. All because they didn't have a notarized document signed by both parents that the aunt was authorized to take the kids internationally. And she was not the legal guardian. She had their passports, but not documentation that the parents had approved the travel, so this took hours to resolve. Different nations have different laws and you have to adhere to all of them. When you are the parent, you have certain legal rights. But extended family, like the aunt I knew and OP's MIL (grandmother) are not guaranteed parental rights in international scenarios and that can complicate things.

When you travel from MD to CA, you are traveling entirely within the borders of one nation (the US) and you are not subject to varying international law. There is less complication when traveling intranationally vs internationally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband problem

+1000

Do all three of them totally lack any common sense too?