Anonymous wrote:Just make sure to have conversations in advance about how you are going to handle it when kids come. In my experience, men are not very realistic about how much work and care is required for children, and are often significantly less willing to do what is necessary to make it work. Whether that's vetting and hiring and then working with a nanny who can cover all the hours needed, or adjusting work schedules to accommodate drop off and pick up, or giving up aspects of their social life. Maybe these men think if they marry a high-earning spouse, money will help to resolve all these issues by itself. In my experience that is not the case because, for instance, even high earning women often think it's important for children to spend plenty of time with their parents. Or understand that you can hire the best nanny in the world, but if she gets Covid and can't come to work, you're going to need back up plans. And I would also observe that higher earning women who wind up doing the bulk of the childcare/household management on top of their high-paying job seem to develop an understandable resentment of a partner who seems to think it is enough for him to just go make money. Maybe that would fly with a SAHM or someone in a low-paid, flexible position, but a woman who makes a great salary and is well-respected in her field is not going to be impressed or appreciate that you are doing the same thing but without contributing at home.

So by all means, marry the high earning woman. But be ready to operate at her level. Otherwise you're just dead weight.

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure to have conversations in advance about how you are going to handle it when kids come. In my experience, men are not very realistic about how much work and care is required for children, and are often significantly less willing to do what is necessary to make it work. Whether that's vetting and hiring and then working with a nanny who can cover all the hours needed, or adjusting work schedules to accommodate drop off and pick up, or giving up aspects of their social life. Maybe these men think if they marry a high-earning spouse, money will help to resolve all these issues by itself. In my experience that is not the case because, for instance, even high earning women often think it's important for children to spend plenty of time with their parents. Or understand that you can hire the best nanny in the world, but if she gets Covid and can't come to work, you're going to need back up plans. And I would also observe that higher earning women who wind up doing the bulk of the childcare/household management on top of their high-paying job seem to develop an understandable resentment of a partner who seems to think it is enough for him to just go make money. Maybe that would fly with a SAHM or someone in a low-paid, flexible position, but a woman who makes a great salary and is well-respected in her field is not going to be impressed or appreciate that you are doing the same thing but without contributing at home.

[/b]So by all means, marry the high earning woman. But be ready to operate at her level. Otherwise you're just dead weight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don’t want failure to launch kids with executive functioning issues, so they are getting more careful with who they pick as mothers of their kids. Life is getting more complicated, so hot is not enough anymore.

Lol. I guarantee this was written by a woman!

The other PP is right on target. Seen ambitious men marry not so smart but hot women and the boys take after the mom. Really messes up the future generation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don’t want failure to launch kids with executive functioning issues, so they are getting more careful with who they pick as mothers of their kids. Life is getting more complicated, so hot is not enough anymore.

Lol. I guarantee this was written by a woman!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been known for awhile now, especially to those in these circles already. But people on here, seemingly outside the circle, want to delude themselves into some fantasy that the rich successful guy is going to pick the broke barista because she's kind and cute. No, like marries like.

Assortative dating/mating. It's been around for awhile and isn't going anywhere. The people on DCUM who bring up these baristas (why always baristas?) With cute smiles as male preference are not with the times. Those are real outlier situations now.

Assortative mating is real but there are still plenty of rich guys who marry women with high earning *potential* who then leave the workforce and SAH. I know dozens of dual-lawyer couples like this - they're both partner track, she shifts to an NGO or trade association after the first kid and stays home for good after the second. He makes partner because she takes the bulk of house stuff off his shoulders. Their kids are trilingual by Kindergarten because the mom with 7+ years of higher education funnels all that mental energy into them instead of a job. It's still assortative mating but it's not actually searching for another paycheck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men want cheerful, easy-to-please and kind women who are hot. They have wanted this since time began. Women want men who are competent, generous and powerful. Everything else is noise designed to obfuscate and justify personal choices.

Assortative mating trends indicate you’re wrong.

Assortative mating is a function of proximity; you marry who you study and work with. Men marry women they attend college with, and no man at Harvard cares about the earning potential of his fiancée.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a much younger sister in her early thirties and she and nearly all of her friends are SAHM’s to men working good professional jobs. Looking at the housing turnover in my neighborhood this seems to be the case there too. So I’m not sure if your theory is accurate.

+1. A man making really good money doesn't care if his wife makes money. He is looking for a woman who will be a great mother to his children and build a legacy. A tale as old as time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men want cheerful, easy-to-please and kind women who are hot. They have wanted this since time began. Women want men who are competent, generous and powerful. Everything else is noise designed to obfuscate and justify personal choices.

Assortative mating trends indicate you’re wrong.

Personal experience indicates he’s right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men want cheerful, easy-to-please and kind women who are hot. They have wanted this since time began. Women want men who are competent, generous and powerful. Everything else is noise designed to obfuscate and justify personal choices.

Assortative mating trends indicate you’re wrong.

Assortative mating is a function of proximity; you marry who you study and work with. Men marry women they attend college with, and no man at Harvard cares about the earning potential of his fiancée.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men want cheerful, easy-to-please and kind women who are hot. They have wanted this since time began. Women want men who are competent, generous and powerful. Everything else is noise designed to obfuscate and justify personal choices.

Assortative mating trends indicate you’re wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the ‘20s. Men are absolutely looking for high wage earning women. Women have been seeking out men who earn more for century, it should be no surprise that ultimately men we’re going to do the same.


Welcome to the mid but we’re in the mid 20s, ladies!

The big question is whether or not men are now going to do half the childcare, cooking, and housework. Based on my observations it seems like marriage has less and less to offer women, but we shall see.

That is the problem. Men now want it all. They want a high earner for a wife AND they still expect the wife to do all of this other work. This is why I am divorced. I do not think marriage offers any benefit. It offered me zero.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men want cheerful, easy-to-please and kind women who are hot. They have wanted this since time began. Women want men who are competent, generous and powerful. Everything else is noise designed to obfuscate and justify personal choices.

Assortative mating trends indicate you’re wrong.