Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

It *amazes* you that two different groups of women could say different things? Your mind will be completely blown, then, when you hear that there are even more groups of women: women who love being married, women who are completely indifferent to it, women who think marriage is evil, women who want to be married but only if they find a man who is obviously devoted to them, and so on and so forth. The group who is "pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry" is fast dwindling, however.

So maybe then you can't really generalize about who benefits from marriage the most? Sounds like some posters in this thread -- maybe you are one -- should take that advice to heart.

Another shocker here: you can, because research has been done on it. You can look at lots of different metrics and see who benefits the most. Generally. Because we are *generalizing*.

Can you cite to the research that makes this point?

That aside, it is curious that you could generalize in that way, yet women who should know better nevertheless want to get married. Makes you wonder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

It *amazes* you that two different groups of women could say different things? Your mind will be completely blown, then, when you hear that there are even more groups of women: women who love being married, women who are completely indifferent to it, women who think marriage is evil, women who want to be married but only if they find a man who is obviously devoted to them, and so on and so forth. The group who is "pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry" is fast dwindling, however.

So maybe then you can't really generalize about who benefits from marriage the most? Sounds like some posters in this thread -- maybe you are one -- should take that advice to heart.

Another shocker here: you can, because research has been done on it. You can look at lots of different metrics and see who benefits the most. Generally. Because we are *generalizing*.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

Are all men you meet the same? Well, all women are not the same. Some women are not capable of marriage and enter into it misrepresenting themselves. Others enter into it misrepresenting the other person. Some get it right. Some get it right and then get it wrong. There is no same pattern for everyone in life. How old are the people commenting here? It's like I'm talking to 15 year olds.

Of course "not all women" or "not all men." But the primary argument in this thread is that it is well known/well documented that marriage is generally a raw deal for women. So if that's true, then it doesn't square with the countless threads about women wanting to lock down a noncommittal man for marriage.

Smart women aren’t trying to lock down a “noncommittal” man. Some women think they can change a noncommittal man, but it usually doesn’t work out well for them in the long run. There are men who actually do desire marriage and a family.

Women love and chase men who are unavailable. I've seen it too often in life to believe anything else.

Revealed preferences are a thing. Women supposedly benefit the least from marriage but want it the most. And men supposedly benefit the most and want it the least.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

It *amazes* you that two different groups of women could say different things? Your mind will be completely blown, then, when you hear that there are even more groups of women: women who love being married, women who are completely indifferent to it, women who think marriage is evil, women who want to be married but only if they find a man who is obviously devoted to them, and so on and so forth. The group who is "pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry" is fast dwindling, however.

So maybe then you can't really generalize about who benefits from marriage the most? Sounds like some posters in this thread -- maybe you are one -- should take that advice to heart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

Are all men you meet the same? Well, all women are not the same. Some women are not capable of marriage and enter into it misrepresenting themselves. Others enter into it misrepresenting the other person. Some get it right. Some get it right and then get it wrong. There is no same pattern for everyone in life. How old are the people commenting here? It's like I'm talking to 15 year olds.

Of course "not all women" or "not all men." But the primary argument in this thread is that it is well known/well documented that marriage is generally a raw deal for women. So if that's true, then it doesn't square with the countless threads about women wanting to lock down a noncommittal man for marriage.

Smart women aren’t trying to lock down a “noncommittal” man. Some women think they can change a noncommittal man, but it usually doesn’t work out well for them in the long run. There are men who actually do desire marriage and a family.

Women love and chase men who are unavailable. I've seen it too often in life to believe anything else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

It *amazes* you that two different groups of women could say different things? Your mind will be completely blown, then, when you hear that there are even more groups of women: women who love being married, women who are completely indifferent to it, women who think marriage is evil, women who want to be married but only if they find a man who is obviously devoted to them, and so on and so forth. The group who is "pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry" is fast dwindling, however.

I think you misunderstood the point or you are arguing in bad faith.

If it is so well understood that women get a raw deal in marriage, why are so many well educated and/or smart women (who should know this well understood fact) so adamant about getting married? Maybe women aren't in fact getting a raw deal. Or maybe they know it's bad but nevertheless want it. But it points to either dishonesty or ignorance, or a combination.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

It *amazes* you that two different groups of women could say different things? Your mind will be completely blown, then, when you hear that there are even more groups of women: women who love being married, women who are completely indifferent to it, women who think marriage is evil, women who want to be married but only if they find a man who is obviously devoted to them, and so on and so forth. The group who is "pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry" is fast dwindling, however.

So, this thread -- asking if "men" are happier than "women" in marriage at midlife is pointless. Some are. Some are not.

Correct. Just like any thread like this that generalizes. There are trends and people can surmise but there are just too many variables to put a pattern to all or even a majority. Whatever people are capable of shows you the range of difference.

This forum was started as a help thread, not a research forum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

It *amazes* you that two different groups of women could say different things? Your mind will be completely blown, then, when you hear that there are even more groups of women: women who love being married, women who are completely indifferent to it, women who think marriage is evil, women who want to be married but only if they find a man who is obviously devoted to them, and so on and so forth. The group who is "pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry" is fast dwindling, however.

So, this thread -- asking if "men" are happier than "women" in marriage at midlife is pointless. Some are. Some are not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

I think most marriages turn out to be pretty good for most people. I also think men on average benefit more from them after the kids are older and that more women have spouses who are terrible in ways that are harder to ignore or work around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Oh geez these responses are nonsense.

I am a man and I can imagine that on average marriage can be a better deal for men. But spare me that society pressure stuff. Women benefit tremendously from having another set of hands, kids benefit tremendously from having a dad in their lives and that many women in this zip code can be SAH because the man works is a massive benefit.

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

It *amazes* you that two different groups of women could say different things? Your mind will be completely blown, then, when you hear that there are even more groups of women: women who love being married, women who are completely indifferent to it, women who think marriage is evil, women who want to be married but only if they find a man who is obviously devoted to them, and so on and so forth. The group who is "pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry" is fast dwindling, however.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

Are all men you meet the same? Well, all women are not the same. Some women are not capable of marriage and enter into it misrepresenting themselves. Others enter into it misrepresenting the other person. Some get it right. Some get it right and then get it wrong. There is no same pattern for everyone in life. How old are the people commenting here? It's like I'm talking to 15 year olds.

A lot of book smart, professional people completely lack common sense and emotional intelligence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

Are all men you meet the same? Well, all women are not the same. Some women are not capable of marriage and enter into it misrepresenting themselves. Others enter into it misrepresenting the other person. Some get it right. Some get it right and then get it wrong. There is no same pattern for everyone in life. How old are the people commenting here? It's like I'm talking to 15 year olds.

Of course "not all women" or "not all men." But the primary argument in this thread is that it is well known/well documented that marriage is generally a raw deal for women. So if that's true, then it doesn't square with the countless threads about women wanting to lock down a noncommittal man for marriage.

I don't know. I disagree. They get a purpose in life through marriage and raising a family. But many people are raised in traumatic home lives or environments and don't know how to deal with stress or they have to work out of the home as well and it's too much for them. My divorced friends run in Christian circles and they were all left by abusers or adulterers and yet did their best to stay married and the Christian men I know didn't make much money, didn't have many skills, and couldn't communicate well and so the wife probably gave up on them. For every Christian person trying to make a marriage work because they believe in the institution, there is another person pretending their marriage works while they behave differently on the sly or giving up on marriage for various self-centered reasons. This is why I don't think you can give a blanket answer about a particular sex. Each gender has too wide a range of responses to life to all fit in one category.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

Are all men you meet the same? Well, all women are not the same. Some women are not capable of marriage and enter into it misrepresenting themselves. Others enter into it misrepresenting the other person. Some get it right. Some get it right and then get it wrong. There is no same pattern for everyone in life. How old are the people commenting here? It's like I'm talking to 15 year olds.

Of course "not all women" or "not all men." But the primary argument in this thread is that it is well known/well documented that marriage is generally a raw deal for women. So if that's true, then it doesn't square with the countless threads about women wanting to lock down a noncommittal man for marriage.

Smart women aren’t trying to lock down a “noncommittal” man. Some women think they can change a noncommittal man, but it usually doesn’t work out well for them in the long run. There are men who actually do desire marriage and a family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

Are all men you meet the same? Well, all women are not the same. Some women are not capable of marriage and enter into it misrepresenting themselves. Others enter into it misrepresenting the other person. Some get it right. Some get it right and then get it wrong. There is no same pattern for everyone in life. How old are the people commenting here? It's like I'm talking to 15 year olds.

Of course "not all women" or "not all men." But the primary argument in this thread is that it is well known/well documented that marriage is generally a raw deal for women. So if that's true, then it doesn't square with the countless threads about women wanting to lock down a noncommittal man for marriage.