Well, its also rude to just go to a party for the free food.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I think most of you need to relax. The shower may be about enjoying friends and company, but it's more about blessing the family. If they want money instead if gifts, what's the big deal? Instead of being offended why don't you take it as an opportunity to bless the mother-to-be

Um, is there a particular reason you revived this three year old thread? I'm guessing you're planning a money tree at your baby shower...

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I think most of you need to relax. The shower may be about enjoying friends and company, but it's more about blessing the family. If they want money instead if gifts, what's the big deal? Instead of being offended why don't you take it as an opportunity to bless the mother-to-be

The big deal is that asking for money is rude!

I've never been to a shower with a money tree, but not sure why everyone is so offended by it. Honestly, I wouldn't want you at my shower anyway if you were going to have a bad attitude - you don't sound like a very gracious friend.

I've attended wedding receptions where it was a cultural/regional practice to pass the hat to pay the band to play for another hour...

Sorry, but I think most of you need to relax. The shower may be about enjoying friends and company, but it's more about blessing the family. If they want money instead if gifts, what's the big deal? Instead of being offended why don't you take it as an opportunity to bless the mother-to-be

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most of you are really cheap and boring. There is nothing wrong with a money tree at a baby shower...it's actually pretty cool. It's a SHOWER...you're supposed to SHOWER the mama to be with gifts!! That's the point. Thinking your attendance is enough is what is tacky. Why not allow the mama to be to choose the things that she would like/need ?? Maybe your taste is whack and she is better off getting exactly what she likes. Geez.

And pop costs like $2...what's the problem?

lemmeguess...you have a money tree at every event and it's not a cultural thing in your family, but you want to make it one.

I think many people genuinely enjoy celebrations and seeing friends and family and some just use it as an excuse for a shake down.

Anonymous wrote:OP here-shocked to see this thread revived!

I went. They are American and caucasian. The older relatives were gossiping away about how tacky it was to ask for money so boldly so it did not seem to be a family tradition. The mom-to-be's friend suspected someone may have stollen money off the tree because some people put a check in a card and others thought they were just supposed to hang up cash without a card. Mom to be was not pleased with some older folk brought gifts instead. (What happened to manners and just assuming it's the thought that counts?" The gifts were useful-onesies, bibs, etc.

OP was the mom-to-be that OBVIOUS about her reaction? Yuck!
Yeah, the point of a shower is to "shower" the bride or mom with gifts, and celebrate with her, and thus gifts are implied. But so is common courtesy which says "act grateful that these people want to celebrate and shower you with gifts."
If you want money, you still don't ask (wedding or baby) IMO. You don't put ANYTHING related to a registry on the shower invite. When people rsvp, they will probably ask "Where are they registered?" and the host/ess can say something polite along the lines of "this is their third baby/second marriage/they've been living on their own for years... they don't really need stuff... I think what they would really appreciate is a GC to XYZ store or just money towards buying a crib/bigger car/house/etc.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most of you are really cheap and boring. There is nothing wrong with a money tree at a baby shower...it's actually pretty cool. It's a SHOWER...you're supposed to SHOWER the mama to be with gifts!! That's the point. Thinking your attendance is enough is what is tacky. Why not allow the mama to be to choose the things that she would like/need ?? Maybe your taste is whack and she is better off getting exactly what she likes. Geez.

And pop costs like $2...what's the problem?

What's "cool" about a money tree, exactly? And dollar dances and money trees seem like things strippers might do .... It's not jus tacky, it's borderline gross.

Anonymous wrote:PP You gave yourself away by saying "pop." Are you from Pennsylvania, the land of money trees and all things tacky?

We don't say pop in PA.

PP You gave yourself away by saying "pop." Are you from Pennsylvania, the land of money trees and all things tacky?

Seems like most of you are really cheap and boring. There is nothing wrong with a money tree at a baby shower...it's actually pretty cool. It's a SHOWER...you're supposed to SHOWER the mama to be with gifts!! That's the point. Thinking your attendance is enough is what is tacky. Why not allow the mama to be to choose the things that she would like/need ?? Maybe your taste is whack and she is better off getting exactly what she likes. Geez.

And pop costs like $2...what's the problem?

OP here-shocked to see this thread revived!

I went. They are American and caucasian. The older relatives were gossiping away about how tacky it was to ask for money so boldly so it did not seem to be a family tradition. The mom-to-be's friend suspected someone may have stollen money off the tree because some people put a check in a card and others thought they were just supposed to hang up cash without a card. Mom to be was not pleased with some older folk brought gifts instead. (What happened to manners and just assuming it's the thought that counts?" The gifts were useful-onesies, bibs, etc.

There was no sending of thank you notes, just a computer print out card with cutesy font and design saying something to the effect of "Thanks for coming and thanks for the gift." it was signed by the mom-to-be and handed out as we left along with a party favor of a chocolate bar with a cute label saying "so and so's baby shower."

Apparently the mom and dad to be, who are now parents of course, also throw birthday parties for themselves where everyone is supposed to go dutch and pitch in toward the birthday person's meal and bring a gift (though they don't specify cash, but I guess if you know them well enough you know that is what they want). Reminded me of a recent thread on here.

When we throw parties we say "your presence is present enough" so this is all foreign to me. No, we aren't rich, far from it. I just don't expect my friends to spend money on me. I think if it were a cultural thing my jaw would not have dropped I would have just asked friends of the same culture about it, and how much people generally give and if should include a gift too.

Anonymous wrote:I'm Korean, and while gift giving in my culture is understood as money, no one actually out right asks for it! That is considered crass (although mothers and sisters happily host showers, not friends).

There is an elaborate unspoken ritual where you're supposed to refuse the monetary gift, the money is offered, it's refused, etc., and then you finally accept.

I'm Czech and we do exactly the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to chime in and say I don't find the dollar dance thing offensive-especially given it's a tradition and we're talking about a dollar. The cash tree I think it put out hoping you can rake in big bucks and I have yet to find any evidence it is some tradition going back many years in a culture.

Cash gifts are totally fine as long as they are not expected. We have heard from on these posts about the Korean and Jewish tradition and that did not offend me in the least becomes nobody is told to give money, it's just a tradition among those close to the family.

I attended a wedding where the bride had some kind of lace apron and danced around in a circle for guests to toss in money and, believe me, bulging envelopes and $100 bills were what was being "tossed" into her lace apron. Frankly, I would have been humiliated to have done this but it as an ethnic wedding. Only men were allowed to contribute as the bride gave each of them a kiss. It was obvious that a goodly sum was expected--nothing less than $100.00.

I love how everyone agreed with this poster about how terrible this tradition was and no one took offense to her referring to the wedding as "ethnic". [b]White people are so ridiculous. [/b]

I'll bite. It's as stupid for someone to call out an group by race... for not calling out that somebody else calling somebody "ethnic". Fine, Sally Sensitive: "but it was a wedding from a different culture". Satisfied?

No, you are ridiculous and way too sensitive.
Get over yourself, please.